Road Blocks

There are certain events in my life that feel like road blocks. Success will lead to one path and failure will lead in another direction entirely. I have such a road block in 16 days. My licensure examination. The culmination of my entire education and training will lead up to my success or failure at obtaining a piece of paper. But that piece of paper means a lot to me.

Every therapist I know has failed their licensure at least once. Most up to three times. But I have high expectations for myself. I don't want to keep shelling out $100 and putting my health at risk each time I go take that test. I want to be over and done with that part of my life for good. I hate loose threads.

So if I don't pass, I can pay money, wait three months and take it again. That's one path. Or I can decide not to take it. I wouldn't do that, but it is an option. If I do pass I'll be officially, legally licensed. FINALLY! I'm not planning on practicing clinically any time soon, but mentally and for my future it would mean a lot to me.

It would give me closure. Give me confidence. Open up more doors for me in the future and for money making opportunities. Make me feel like a success. Yes, it's important.

My world right now revolved around those 16 days.

Important Anniversary

Today marks one full year since I left my job. No... left my career. A career I loved and worked hard to achieve for 10 years. 

When I left I thought it would just be for three months. I thought I could "recover" enough to come back "stronger than ever." Our ableist culture told me this was something I could "fight and win!" I mean... it's not like I had Cancer. Right?

No... not Cancer. What I did have was a serious muscle disease that robs my body of processing energy correctly. What I also had/have is crippling migraines that left me unable to work. They cause pain, blur my vision, make time jump, can make people look like flat 2-D cartoons, give me severe dizziness, make me feel like I'm falling (you know that jump scare feeling when you're almost asleep? It's like that). They cause exhaustion (on top of my energy issues that I already have), make my muscles even worse and cause short term memory problems (on top of the memory problems I already have from my mitochondrial myopathy). Try working with that going on. Even for an hour.

The Botox shots have been hugely helpful. My migraines aren't the kind that come and go. There's bad and worse. So to get any kind of symptom relief is an enormous improvement to my quality of life. But I digress... this was why I had to leave work.

What leaving work did to me? I'm honestly still processing that loss. 2020 has been so shocking and I had so much change so quickly to my entire life that only now is the dust settling in my slow moving (but still brilliant) brain.

I feel the loss of my identity as a therapist profoundly. BUT (there's always a but/and in life if you look closely). But I am also building up new identities as I talked about a little bit before. I am still thriving. I can do both. Re-invent myself and mourn a profound loss all at the same time.

I'm learning the language of my body. What different symptoms mean and how to minimize the big ones (when possible). I'm learning to love myself and all my flaws, not to be "at war" with my disease. My disability is a big identity and it's not one that's healthy to "fight." 

I am the orchestrater of our home. The organizer. The planner. The artist and creative. A daughter, wife and mother. A puppy lover and gardener. I take pleasure in watching the people and things I love grow and flourish. I'm a disability advocate and a friend to some. 

These identities are why today doesn't feel like a loss. Today feels like a day to remember and recognize when my world changed, but I am still myself. Still passionate, wise and full of love and life to contribute to my community... It will just be in a different way than I originally thought and planned. 

Another Big Decision Made

I've been having increased dizziness and headaches. Over the last three months they have been getting stronger and the dizziness more debilitating. My original work plan was to go down to just two days a week doing telehealth from my home. This Tuesday was supposed to be my last day in my office. Little did I know when I left that morning that it would be my last day period (at least for a while). 

I really thought I could manage to still work two 10hr days a week and just recover the rest of the time. But as anyone with chronic health conditions knows, sometimes our bodies have other plans. It was at about 10AM that I realized this "new plan" wasn't going to work. I felt exhausted, was dizzy and had a headache so bad that I couldn't focus on what I was doing. 

I also realized that I had been trying to "keep it together" for my clients, but really cancelling them as much as I had to with little to no warning and rescheduling was likely harder on them (and our support staff) than just taking a three month disability leave.

So I pulled the trigger. I went home, cried my eyes out from frustration, guilt, anger and just not feeling good. My husband come home from work mid-day to comfort me (that was after I called him from my office bawling my eyes out over having to go home). After that I notified everyone important at my agency that I had to immediately go on a three month disability leave. I got a few "get well soon" responses, but most of it was just radio silence.

Silence is a horrible feeling to be greeted with when I tried as hard as I could to just keep pushing and to help as many people as possible. Pushing myself was what I did all day every day that I worked (sometimes even at home). But I just can't push myself anymore. My body has had the final say and it's "NOPE!"

Now what's next?
Applying for State Disability has taken a lot of spoons. It's very confusing and I don't know what I'd have done without help from a disabled friend of mine. My student loans have also been frozen because I can't work right now. So that's two big things off my plate. 

I'm doing small productive things, but mostly resting. And of course attending the never ending medical appointments. I have one Monday with my PCP to talk about the dizziness. He gave me Scopolamine transdermal patches to try, but they did nothing. I picked up some Dimenhydrinate (Dramamine) 50mg today and will try taking 100mg tomorrow to see if it helps at all. 

I'm still processing this big change too. No more office. No more helping clients (right now). No more early work days. No more dressing up. It feels like it did when I got my first rollator or wheelchair. A big step into disability. 

Overwhelmed

This week has been insane. I'm about to see my mother face to face for the first time in 15 years, my temporary disability was approved, my husband is going away for the weekend and I cleaned out my office to move 100% to working from home. 

Usually any one of those things would set me into a tailspin of feelings, lung crushing anxiety, nights of insomnia and nightmares, cold sweats of insecurity... but oddly enough I'm actually coping. Coping really well. ON TOP of working 30hours this week. Not easy to do feeling how I feel even during a stable week. But to do it THIS WEEK? I seriously deserve an award. 

"Overwhelmed" is almost as familiar a feeling to me as "frustrated". So what's keeping me cool this week? I think it's the following.

1. I'm sharing my feelings. I'm letting my loved ones know that I'm feeling sad about giving up my office and mad that someone I don't like will be moving in. I worked very hard to get that office and it symbolizes a lot to me.
   
2. Awareness. My office is just that... a symbol. I'm the one who made it special. My job is just changing, not ending.
   
3. Asking for help. I've been communicating with my husband about the disability process and asking for help with it (like the whole evil math thing).
   
4. Not being impulsive. This is huge for me. I tend to do things I don't like quickly just to get them done. But I'm not rushing with the disability information. I want to understand the math and be clear on my options.
   
5. Resting. I'm not putting everyone and everything first. I'm coming first this week. What I want and don't want. What I can do and can't do. I'm going to bed early and resting whenever I can. That has been helping a lot!
   
6. Mindfulness. Staying focused on the present moment. I remembered the other day that I am a "human being" not a human doing. So be. Don't project into the future or the past. Time travel is not needed here. Just my attention to the right now. 

I'd be lying if I said I was a chill Buddha cucumber. But I'm also not a distracted wreck. And I'll take that!

It's ok to struggle

This chronic illness life is such a roller coaster ride. Not just for me, but for my husband too. One moment I'll feel I've hit homeostasis and I can work with all these symptoms and challenges. Then the next something new will come along, or something will get worse and I'm tossed into a sea of frustration once again. 

A lot of the time I really do feel like two people. One healthy and able bodied and the other sick, chronically ill and immobile. More and more I feel that one healthy side of me literally dying. My husband jokingly tells me "Don't you die on me"! And I always promise to "do my best". But it does feel like a long slow death of the "healthy me".

Turning into a mermaid

To me the "healthy me" is the one who didn't need to nap every single day, who didn't have to think about the accessibility of a place before I went somewhere. Who didn't have to measure what I could do during the day in spoons (energy) and not do a lot of what I really want to because I just can't. The healthy me could eat whatever, go for a walk, hike, run, take a bath, have an orgasm and other things that I just can't do now. She's dying and it feels like a serious loss.

Sometimes that loss feels like my heart will break and I will drown in my disability. Some nights it feels like I'll just stop breathing or never be able to walk again. Sometimes I think of taking a lot of pills or drinking a lot of booze to just get the pain to stop for a little while. But I never make those choices.

Instead I choose continue to fight and swim against this tide pulling me down. I come up for air, and gasp before going down again. Sometimes I get hopeful at a doctors visit or with a new medication and I feel like I have some new floaties to help keep me above water. 

What really saves me and always has is knowing my husband is right there with me. Holding me up. Keeping my head above water so I can continue to struggle and try to learn to go along with my symptoms. Rest, recover, heal, eat well, pull back, reach out. All of these things help. But that doesn't mean they're easy. 

SHE also helps a lot. "My little nap buddy". Pulling back on work has also been useful. This week I also decided to apply for State Disability. Despite pulling back on my work week and working from home one day a week I don't want to come to a point where I wake up one day and just can't do it at all. I'm trying to be ahead of these symptoms for once and not go under the next time a big wave hits. 

PKA 3 Weeks In

I just finished week 3 of "Plan Kick Ass" (PKA for short) and here's what's going on with my body. 

I was able to make the connection that I will have at least one period in the day where I just hit a wall. It's literally like being unplugged. If I don't stop what I'm doing and immediately go to bed then my body rebels.

What I mean by "rebels" is my vision goes unfocussed, I see stars, see double, I feel exhausted, my body hurts and I feel physically weaker. It becomes hard to literally keep my eyes open. I have been trying out energy drinks with caffeine and vitamins to help me over this major issue and it has been helping a little. But then I accidentally found something this week that could help even more. SUGAR.

I ate some (...ok... more than "some") red licorice one day at work and I noticed that I felt a lot better in the afternoon. The following day I had 2 teaspoons of honey instead of the sugar and I noticed that it still felt better than the energy drinks that I was trying. Now I'm suspecting I might have some kind of glucose metabolizing issue or mutation? I'm going to try and do some research on it.

As anyone with a chronic illness knows, we are our own best doctors!

Speaking of, here's where things stand medically as of today.

• My primary care doctor 100% supports PKA (I knew he would.)
• My insurance denied my genetic testing for other mutations, but my husband is going to work on an appeal letter this weekend.
• I'm not seeing my neurologist anymore because we hit a treatment wall after the COQ10.
• The Baclofen has been a life saver with the muscle cramps, twitches and spasms.
• I'm still pushing myself physically. I even started wearing my Fitbit again!
• My husband and I are still trying to eat whole, high protein foods.
• I'm working on reducing my portion sizes to help with weight loss.
• I'm napping and resting every day I don't work.
• I'm down to 3 days a week (30hrs) of work instead of 4.
• I've been approved to work from home 1 of those 3 days. YIPPEEEEE!

I also took the stairs today at my doctor's appointment, the first time in two years. I went super slow, but I did it! Going down was MUCH easier.

Next up... current symptoms for September 2019.

(My last symptom share was June 2019)

Prepping for the week

Meal shopping and prepping is something my husband and I (mostly) do together. Our town has a magnificent farmer's market that we try to go to on Saturday mornings. We stock up on eggs, fresh fruits and veg and occasionally cheese and meat there. 

I try to be careful where my dairy and meat is sourced from and there's a fantastic Scottish family farmer that we love. His eggs are beyond compare, each one tasting like golden love. (I received no kick back for this endorsement, but wouldn't say no to some free eggs.)

My husband has taken to doing almost all the meal prep for the week. He'll fill up all our water jugs then sauté up a giant batch of peppers and onions. We use them on almost anything, but have especially been enjoying veggie fajitas. 



I try and boil eggs for the week (for a work snack) and prepare my lunches ahead of time. This week is a delicious veggie, gluten free pasta salad with fresh herbs and veg from our trip to the farmers market. Delicious! (please read this in the voice of Gordon Ramsay.)

Hummus, bananas and yogurt are also a must have for the week. 

Aside from all this delicious grab-and-go food I like to make sure I'm also mentally prepared for the week. My job is very intense, emotionally charged and can be draining, so every little thing I can do to relax and re-set is very helpful. This means having clean clothes, taking a big nap, not taking on any big activities and feeling physically ready. 

Sometimes that looks like giving myself a facial or taking a bath (if my muscles are doing well enough to get in and out of the tub like that.) This week I got my nails done in a fun "out there" style that I've never done before.

Dragon Eye Nails

My husband and I also come up with a meal plan so we know what to make when we're tired and groggy after a long day. We try and cook together, but some nights all I can manage is keeping him company while he cooks. Just like with grocery shopping. We occasionally go together, but other days (like today) he runs off with a list we made to do the leg work.

I'm adjusting slowly to doing what I can when I can and saving energy for the really important things. It still isn't easy. But having bitchen nails does help.

Plan "Kick Ass" ROUND 3!

Medicine has taken me as far as it can go. My team of specialists are now reverting back to the general term "Myopathy" to describe my chronic, sudden muscle fatigue and symptom cluster. I've been told that "It COULD be genetic, it COULD have been cause by my brain tumor, by the Plaquenil, by the Latent Tuberculosis treatment, by my immune system..." I've been spiraling into a serious depression although keeping that "stiff upper lip" and smile on my face on the outside. Well, most of the time. 

But this morning I remembered the wise words of Hippocrates.

I've seen where endless doctors appointments, $20 co-pays to be told "Huh, that's not typical" and test after test has gotten me. Some help, some improvement, but still on a steep decline. 

I woke up this morning and told myself that I had two choices. I can put 70% of my week into fighting this and 30% into work OR I can just keep doing what I'm doing and end up using my chairs all of the time within a few months. 

Maybe I'll still need my chairs in a few months, all of the time, but isn't it worth trying something different? I literally have nothing to lose by trying.

Soooo... Here comes PLAN KICK ASS ROUND 3!!!

(Remember PKA round 1 and round 2? No? Yeah, it HAS been a while.)

PLAN KICK ASS - ROUND 3:

• Push myself in some physical way every day that I don't work. Do something big (like walk the dog around the block), then rest for an hour. Then do something big (like mop the kitchen) then rest for an hour. 
• Listen to my body
• Stretch EVERY DAY!
• Reduce my portion size
• No soda... ever
• Eat fresh and chemical free as much as possible
• Switch to 1 cup of coffee in the morning, then green tea
• Eat more fish and veg, keep beef as a rare treat
• Eat LOTS more veg
• Have lots of good fats (grass fed butter, olive oil, avocados)
• 1 caffeine power drink per day (it really does help my muscles)
• Eat breakfast and small snacks
• Have lunch be my biggest meal of the day
• Take a nap every day I don't work
• Reduce my work days from 4 to 3 (30 hours per week)
• Look into swimming again when I feel ready
• Ask for help, but try on my own first
• 1,500mg CoQ10 a day
• 20mg Baclofen a day (this has been very helpful)
• 2,000IU of vitamin D a day
• Stay on my Lyrica and Cymbalta

It's time to take my health and my body into MY OWN hands. Of course I'll still maintain my doctor's appointments too. I have a new geneticist that is going to do a full DNA screening on me and I'll go through with that (as long as my insurance will pay for it). But I'm not going to just keep searching for answers that science isn't ready to give me yet. It's MY body, MY health, MY mobility and I want to know that I literally tried everything that I can to help myself.

My push this morning was taking this beautiful little lady for a walk around the block with just my own two legs. I can't remember the last time I was able to do that. It was a big push, but felt great.

What the heck body?!?

At 9:30AM this Monday my body decided to freak out. I was at work and suddenly felt zaps in random parts of my body that made my muscles twitch. It felt like being mildly electrocuted. I also felt very weak and dizzy. My vision blurred and I struggled to focus. My face felt more numb than usual and it was a challenge to talk. I held on for as long as I could, but finally texted my husband to come and get me. I was afraid to drive given the dizziness and blurred vision.

My gut reaction was to go to the hospital. Even to call an ambulance as I wasn't sure how far I could walk. But what would they do? What could they really do? I didn't feel like I had experienced a stroke. My heart felt fine. It felt like my Myopathy had suddenly gotten worse for God knows why or how? I have a rare condition and there's nothing the hospital can do about that other than test me for a stroke. It would be a waste of everyone's time.

Instead I had my husband call my doctor and talk to the advice nurse. They said to go to the hospital. I refused, laid in bed and cried. My husband comforted me and made me feel a lot better. All of this was very scary. My little dog also gave me comfort, refusing to leave my side.

She even lurked in the bathroom with me. 

I deduced that I might have a bladder infection and that could have sent my body into "CODE RED! SEND ALL ENERGY AND RESOURCES TO INFECTION FIGHTING!" I started antibiotics yesterday and am feeling a little better today. I hope to go back to work tomorrow.

It's terrifying how fast my muscles can just shut down. How even talking can become a big challenge. I know it was scary for my husband to see me like that too. Chronic illness isn't for the weak! Every day is some kind of new test. I'm so lucky to not have to go through any of this alone.

All the feels

Oooooh chronic illness. You really know how to kick a girl in the butt, don't you? It has been a while since I posted because... you know... life and spoon sucking and stuff. Working 40hrs a week while struggling with my body pretty much takes 100% of my efforts daily. I'm constantly scared that I won't be able to work in the near future, but I tell myself that the only thing that would make that happen is if my voice were to be affected. Pretty much everything else I can work around. For instance, I just asked my employer for a voice to text software that will work with the programs we use.

I saw this taped to a bookshelf at a thrift store. I love little surprises like this!

I'm meeting my new neurologist this Tuesday and my husband can't come with me. I have to be a big, brave dog all on my own. I've got this! The new person is supposed to specialize in Metabolic Myopathy, so I'm hopeful. My old neurologist will also be there, so that will be helpful to have that support too.

Curious about my current symptoms? I know you are!!!

June 2019 Current Symptoms:

• STILL can't have an orgasm (that really sucks)
• Muscles shake after short burst of high intensity use
• Muscle cramps and spasms randomly everywhere
• Loss of muscle strength and energy through the day
• Feet go into tip toe frequently when seated
• Right lower eyelid spasm/twitch frequently
• Pain in arches of feet unrelated to activity
• Ptosis of both eyelids (right is worse)
• Increase in asthma sx (4 nebulizer treatments this year and 3 rounds of Prednisone)
• Occasional dry mouth
• Occasional choking
• Occasional headaches (from the COQ10?)
• Occasional constipation unrelated to food
• Occasional delay of urination (muscles won't relax)

Right now I'm on 2,800mg of COQ10 to try and help my Metabolic Myopathy (caused by a gene mutation.) Reading other people's experiences I feel fortunate to have been diagnosed so quickly. It didn't feel quick to me at the time, but for some people it takes years and years. 

Currently I'm trying to find other people with a COQ6 mutation who have Metabolic Myopathy. I've found one who I think does, but they're in India and English is a bit hard for them. I found another 5 who have very similar conditions that come super close and include COQ10 Deficiency. Of those five all are in a wheelchair at least as much as I am, if not more. Some have a breathing tube and feeding tube. That's a bit scary.

I'm glad I live in a time where I can hop online and get information and try to find other people on such a rare condition. In the meantime I have my husband and my family to share my feelings with and that's also very helpful. 

Depression and Chronic Illness - One Year Later

Last April I shared some tips on ways that I help myself with Chronic Illness and Depression. But sometimes that's just not enough. Last July I had a few weeks where I just couldn't stop crying. I was about to start a new job that wanted me to work 40 hours a week and was struggling with illnesses that then still had no name (now I know it was a brain tumor, Metabolic Myopathy and Rheumatoid Arthritis.) I talked with my doctor and he put me on Cymbalta. That helped my mild depression and my joint pain. Things were good. 

Fast forward to today and I'm feeling the fog of depression again. I'm feeling numb to things I should feel engaged in, everything feels hard like I'm running through molasses (and I'm not talking physically, but mentally and emotionally.) I feel sad and things at work that are usually easy are becoming hard. I sometimes think about being dead and how lovely it would be (but not to worry, I'm not suicidal. There's a difference.) I feel overwhelmed and exhausted mentally. 

I think these are very common feelings when one is struggling with a medical condition or chronic illness. I once asked a friend with a spinal cord injury how she keeps so positive and she said "I don't allow myself to think any other way." So Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is what works for her. For me that can only work so long or so well.

So I messaged my doctor yesterday about increasing my Cymbalta. He asked my symptoms and I shared with him and now he wants to see me today to talk in person. I'm ok with that. I'm suspecting that instead of increasing my Cymbalta he'll want to put me on something else. Any help I can get will be appreciated.

But why not try therapy first? Well, I've had a lot of therapy in the past and I'm actually really good at using my non-medical tools. But I think there comes a time when therapy just isn't enough. You need help and you need it fast. 

On the non-medical mental health front I am trying out a support group on Saturday May 18th in my area with the Muscular Dystrophy Association. It's a "Mixed Diagnosis Group." So it's for adults with all forms of MD to come and talk. Partners are also welcome so my amazing husband will be coming with me. You can never have too much help or too many tools.

CoQ10 to the rescue!

It has been quite a while since I've had the time and energy for a blog post. Fatigue is such a horrible part of all chronic illness and it has been a serious struggle to work a full 40hrs a week, even with loving my job so much. There were many days where I questioned my choices and let fear take over my exhausted body telling me I should just work less... or not at all. But just when I felt completely out of hope I finally have something working. All the amino acids and the CoQ10 I've been taking have started to work and I feel more energetic.

(Me and Ariel enjoying some art with friends.)

For the last 2 weeks I've been waking up with much more energy in the morning and feeling far less wrung out at the end of the day. I've been able to even help my husband cook dinner and keep up on some house chores that were a massive struggle for me before. My neurologist increased my dose of CoQ10 because for my condition it can really help. As soon as we did that I really noticed an even bigger change.

My legs felt tingly, but not in a bad way. It honestly felt like all my muscle cells were trying to re-start up some energy for me. It's still very hard for me to walk for very far and standing is especially hard, but it's an improvement and I'm thrilled!

If the number 1 stood for me hardly being able to get out of bed and a 10 is the most energetic I've felt in all my life (we're talking fatigue, not muscle strength) then I'd say I went from a 3 to an 8 in the last two weeks. If a 1 stood for me not being able to move at all and a 10 is the way I used to be then I'd say I've gone from a 3 to a 4 in muscle strength. I'm hoping with some time that could improve. 

(Cheers from work! Keeping a smile on my face and love in my heart no matter what.)

Considering it took two months for me to feel any affect I'm thinking I'll just have to be patient with the dose increase. I'm still using my chair at work and for things like shopping. I can still get around my little house without an aide and with just my modifications in place. I used Meg at a smaller store this weekend and although it was a real challenge I managed it. I feel hopeful and excited for the first time in a very long time.

I am all signed up and approved for my thigh muscle biopsy on March 25th. I have to take a day off work and have it done at the hospital, which is annoying. Hopefully it will give us some more answers.

(Dory at work with her amazing sheep skin cover that was meant for a car.)

Some NON-ILLNESS related things I've been doing (other than work) has been getting my nails done, doing puzzles with my husband, watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch (on Netflix) and Clash of the Collectables (a relaxing antique show.) Of course I'm always spending time with my puppies and oh yeah! Even making time for friends too. 

(I call them my Disney Villain nails.) 

We'll see what this month will bring but I feel happy that we've finally landed on something to help my Metabolic Myopathy.

First Day Working in a Wheelchair

Despite having the Chief of Staff as my personal Neurologist from a world class health organization, my suspected Mitochondrial Myopathy remains un-daunted in her course of destruction. I've been trying different coenzymes and amino acids along with electrolyte water, but so far there's no difference.

Last Thursday I pushed my walking abilities a too far and feel like I never recovered from it. My legs feel much worse. Monday at work I "pushed through it" like stubborn people seem to do much too often. Tuesday I used "Meg" my wonderful rollator. But by Wednesday even she wasn't cutting it. The big problem in my office isn't really getting from A to B. It's all the chatting that seems to happen between or at those points. In my job that "chatting" is really important, but it's physical torture. Sure I can sit on Meg when someone starts to talk to me, but then I'm up again to finish what I was doing. Then all the sitting, pushing and getting up and down is just too much for my poor muscles.

Wednesday was hard for me. Wednesday night I came home and had a good cry. I was angry that my neurologist hasn't gotten back to me, angry that my medications aren't helping, angry that now my eye muscles seem to be straining and weakening, angry that I felt like I wouldn't be ok at work unless I used my chair. And frustrated. And upset. And sad. And...

(Smile girl!)

I told my husband that every single aspect of my life is now not only affected by my health struggles, but I have to think about it every second of every day. "Can I stand that long? Can I walk that far? Can I fit through there? Is it accessible?" From work to shopping to "fun" outings to sex there isn't one part of my life that isn't now touched by this. And it sucks. And I'm mad. 

I actually don't take comfort in knowing there are 650 million people in the world with disabilities. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Our world is not made for us. For the "different." As anyone with Autism or who is a Little Person can tell you. We are a "one size fits all" culture and that size better also be 100% healthy and move on 2 legs. It's makes no sense. 

But now for some some positives. I'm very fortunate that where I work is super supportive and the office is about 95% accessible. Also the job I do I can do without any modifications at all from a wheelchair. No problem-o. My clients did look surprised and asked if I was "ok" but I'm pretty used to that from pushing Meg around. I also welcome questions and am very open. So Thursday Ariel came to work with me. And like every time I finally use my mobility devices, my life became worlds easier. I was in much less pain and my muscles thanked me for using my brain and my tools. 

My plan is to get Dory to my office (somehow) over the weekend and leave her there. She will then become my "work chair" and Ariel will be my home and "out and about" chair. It will work great if I can just get her there. I know Uber does have wheelchair service, but might not in my area. The public bus is my last resort simply because that will be super stressful and I've never done it in a chair before. 

I'm convinced life is nothing but a series of unpredictable events. You can make plans and think you know what's going on, but she likes surprises! I'm just trying to be mindful and focus on each day as it comes and what I need that day to enjoy it as much as I can.