You Can Feel Both

Back when I worked with clients one of the big things we would discuss no matter what the challenge in their lives were, was the concept of feeling more than one thing at a time. Somehow we all got this message that feelings can only come one at a time. If you're angry then it's just anger. Nothing else. Same with sadness, regret, mourning, joy, etc. When I would tell people that "it's ok to feel more than one thing at a time" it was a huge revelation and relief for them.

Funnily enough it's something I myself can forget sometimes.

Things have been such a huge challenge this year and such a conveyor belt of constant medical calls and appointments that I haven't been blogging much. I think about it and then just feel like I don't even know where to begin. Or what to write about. This morning this topic just felt right.

I made this collage last night. It's a few of the medical issues that I've grappled with this year. Ten months worth of photos...

A lot of times for me pictures speak louder than words. Here we have me using my wheelchairs a lot more, medication changes and all the pills I need to take daily, trips to neurology, getting back on Botox for my migraines, EEG for my seizures, eye infections, sleep study, making a custom orthotic for my right foot and ankle and of course... rest rest rest.

I have felt very angry, depressed, frustrated, lonely and like I want to give up at times. But I have also felt happiness, joy, awe, gratitude, relief, love, warmth and pride. Not one at a time. But in a big emotion soup. 

I'm a human. I'm flawed and refined. A good friend and a bad friend. A perfect patient and a brat. Good to myself and damaging. Smart and foolish. All at the same time.

Life is messy. Messier than I ever thought it would be. Fortunately I'm resilient, supported, experienced and persistent. These are fantastic strengths that I'm proud to have. I'm able to "live in the now" which is a huge advantage. I let most things go pretty easily. I'm an extremely "on to the next" person. I don't dwell (often. I can't say never.)

I'm also improving at putting myself first. Not stressing about my son an his choices. Letting people know what I need and how I'm feeling. Not justifying myself anymore (even to my medical team.) I am proud of myself. And all of my emotions and self expressions. 

Welcome Lady Fall

As an adult I've thought of summer as an evil beast to do battle with. A daemon of fire and unrelenting heat. Unlike sisters summer and fall who come out ready to blind in their gowns of vivid colors. Winter is more like a crone to me. Stand offish and cold. Dressed in a cloak of silver and black. Round body from feasting and storing reserves for the long dark nights. 

Each solstice and equinox is a good time to turn inward. Examine what isn't working for you and let it go. Or at least try to. This equinox I have a few things to shed.

Justifying myself. Especially to my partner. I don't need to justify my decisions or actions to anyone but myself. It's a bad habit that I've allowed into my life. No more.

False Urgency. Feeling the need to rush through things that don't require rushing. Unless it's an emergency it will come at it's own time. That call can wait till tomorrow. Rest comes first. Always.

Stoicism. I always say "people don't know what you don't tell them." I need to take that advice and have hard conversations with friends and family about how severe my health is right now. No bullshit "stiff upper lip." Let the floodgates open on those emotions. 

I've been taking a lot of pleasure these days in:

• Spending time with my mom. Having small outings together with the dogs or just us. 
  
  
• Making art in ceramics.
  
  
• Prioritizing small things I can manage like organizing my home.
  
  
• Taking care of my skin, hair and nails.
  
  
• Collecting small things on walks. Leafs, acorns, sticks and putting them in my little basket on the mantle. My "gathering" basket.

Asked for Help

I've definitely been feeling stronger and having more stamina since returning to the gym. I walked the dogs yesterday. A walk that I could barely do a month ago. One that left me in a lot of pain was suddenly (dare I say) EASY for me. I've also been able to stand still longer. Something that was incredibly difficult for me just a little bit ago.

Back in November I was seriously worried I would need to use my big chair again. Not that that's a bad thing. But it just means my muscles were very weak and I was feeling like I might need the extra help. We started bringing my travel chair with us wherever we went.  

All of this is leading me to weight loss.
I'm not going to the gym for weight loss. But to be stronger, more flexible, keep my muscles from atrophy and for my mental health. It's a special time set aside just for me and my body.

But I'm also not stupid. I know that the less weight I have, the less strain on my already compromised joints and muscles. 

My food craving have been just horrible as well. You would think the more I indulged them the quieter they would get? But I really think the opposite is true. So I asked my doctor for help (now I sound like one of those awful commercials.)

 My beautiful $149 pill bottle 
(with personal information omitted)

But I really did though. I asked if I could try the new Wegovy weight loss pill. All the others until now have been injections. I did try Zepbound injection a while back. The side effects were awful. I just felt like my digestion completely stopped.

I'm hoping that the brand and delivery change will be helpful. So far I have noticed a bit more burping and farting. But then again I am old. Hahahah. My doctor said she only had one other patient on it and that they were doing very well. The pharmacy told me that I'm the first for them and I'm to report back how it goes. So I'm a bit of a pioneer.

 LOTS of warning labels, but this aint my first rodeo.

Last night I had bad dry mouth. But that could have been from my fan blowing right in my face or allergies. I get dry mouth a lot, but it hasn't been that bad since I took Baclofen three times a day for muscle pain.

I hate to say it, but at 3:30 when I couldn't go back to sleep I paid the Devil his due (Amazon) and signed up for a one month prime membership. Just so I could get my dry mouth tablets (Zylomelt) delivered next day. I needed them bad for tonight. I'm not doing that again. Although I HATE giving the big A any money, my health needs come first.

 My nightly ritual

I was a bit stunned to learn you have to take Wegovy in a very specific way. First thing in the morning with 4oz of water exactly. Then you must stay upright for 30min. You can't eat or drink anything while the drug is absorbed in your stomach.

I measure out my water the night before and set the bottle next to it. Right after I take it I set a timer for 30min and keep myself busy. Blog, walk the dogs, write in my journal, tidy up. Man when that alarm goes off I am READY for coffee and water.

You're also supposed to have tiny meals, the first one being bland. Like a dry piece of toast or crackers or something. I'm already finding myself eating very small meals through the day. I think that could have been one of my mistakes on Zepbound. I didn't change my eating at all, then all that food just clogged up my gut.

Like the pharmacy, I'll report how it goes. 
Today is day 3. 

 

We've Got This

"In sickness and in health..."
My husband and I didn't include any traditional wedding vows in our ceremony 31 years ago. Luckily we both love each other enough to stick it out no matter what comes our way. Myopathy, brain tumor, TB, Diabetes, Liver Disease, Diverticulitis, COVID, a Regime in the US. I could keep going but you get the picture. 

 

My guy eats peanut butter as much as these squirrels love peanuts.

My man has been having some health scares lately. He's been pretty borderline diabetic for the last eight years. But this past year it was severe enough that he had to start medication for it and seriously avoid alcohol and carbs. He wasn't a big drinker before anyway, so we thought it wasn't too serious.

Then recently his liver enzyme blood work came back very high. He had an ultrasound that led to a diagnosis of fatty liver. We were both confused. He hadn't been drinking, he cut out almost all carbs and only ate white meat. What's going on? His doctor then ordered a different kind of scan and lab repeat. The scan showed that he has "severe fibrosis" in his liver. Which is one step down from cirrhosis.  

Everyone's body is different. He's also under a lot of stress and pressure with his work. And who isn't stressed out right now in America? I'm thinking that like me, he just had a strong reaction to something. Likely a combination of diet and environment. Fortunately also like me he is a "take action" kind of person, not a "wallower."  

Everything we are planning on doing to help his liver and diabetes is also good for me and my body. So it's really a win-win as long as we're serious and stick to the eating plan.

We both found this list helpful. 

He's now cut out all dairy and sugar. Going easy on fruits and heavy on veg. 

To help us out I subscribed us to a new meal delivery system. It delivers fresh made, organic, Vegan meals to our house weekly. Since I have a problem with portion control and getting enough protein in my diet I'm hoping this will be helpful.

So far I've tried out:

• Hungry Root- It had too much prep required and too much packaging.
• Misfit Market- Expensive, but I liked it. Especially their jalapeno hummus. 
• Thistle- My first delivery is Wednesday. It's also expensive, but all the shopping, meal planning and assembly is done for me. That will be helpful as my energy levels aren't great at night.

I'm also re-joining the gym this week so my energy at night will likely be even worse for a little bit. Having ready made healthy meals that fit both our needs will be a real luxury.  

Me living my best life in 2024

My mom and I are committed to going to the gym three days a week together. I'll start in the pool and slowly (hopefully) work my way up to Yoga class again. I got a lot out of both when we were regularly going.

Meanwhile my husband has been walking a lot more. He loves this mid 70's spring weather ((gag)) and the sunshine is good for his mental health. I'm less of a sunshine warm weather lover, so the indoor pool will be perfect for me.

My weight is currently at a good place and even though I'm just recovering from bronchitis and pink eye, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm hoping we can reverse my husband's liver condition. No way can he go before me!
 

(NOTE: I got nothing for linking to those food delivery companies. All my own opinion. No kickbacks.) 

Grief

I shared with my husband this weekend that I don't feel like I've ever properly processed what happened to me. Even though it was about seven years ago now. At the beginning of this blog. 

When I look back it feels like one second I'm at the height of my career. Helping people and making good money at the same time. Putting to good practice everything I learned, studied so hard for and sacrificed to make happen. Then the next second I feel like a vegetable whose body completely betrayed her. Betrayed me.

It wasn't so fast as it feels. But the impact of it all was nothing short of a wrecking ball crashing through my life. Medical bills, new equipment, tons and tons of tests, endless amounts of pills and drugs to try and doctor's appointments. 

Each day was a new hell of "what can I not do now?" I spent many nights crying and seriously thinking death would be better because of the pain. That was before my expert team figured out what medications I need to function. 

I still feel like I'm moving in slow motion. That everything takes enormous amounts of effort. And it's all invisible to everyone. Even those closest to me. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the smallest task. I minimize my pain and how hard everything is for me. I'm not really sure why?

 
Maybe I want to still be seen as "strong?" Maybe it feels like I've lost some control or agency if I don't push myself? I'm an expert at "keeping calm and carrying on." But that doesn't leave much space for the reality of things or to process loss. 

My husband had a good suggestion that I pick a week next month and only do what I want to do. Have my own "staycation." He said maybe doing more art will help me process things more. I thought that was a great idea.

I do get a lot out of my art and being around family. I think it's more being out in the world that's the problem. Expectations that I put on myself. I push myself a lot. I'm trying to notice more when I need to stop and rest.

All or Nothing

My mom and I were talking yesterday and I mentioned how if I'm going to change a habit I am "all or nothing" about it. Doing things a little bit at a time never worked for me. Case in point. My wonderful husband and I have been together 33 years. I was pregnant within 3 months of dating (the second time around.) SURPRISE! And we moved in together two weeks after I found out. We were married less than a year later. All or nothing. And that worked out just fine for me.

So I don't just start eating one Vegan meal a week. I go full Vegan. It's going great.

I don't just "watch my spending." I stop spending completely. Well, now that Target's off limits (for supporting ICE) there goes a giant will to spend. I'm also in the "purging" phase of the year. Cleaning things out. Giving away. Not the acquiring phase, so that helps. 

A beautiful orchid I brought back from the dead.

A friend gives me her dead orchids and I bring them back to life.

Honestly I really want for nothing. I have a closet literally bursting with beautiful clothes. I have shoes that keep my feet comfy and ankles stable. I have a travel wheelchair, big wheelchair and walking sticks. I have a stunning new car. A warm house to keep me safe. Plenty of good food to eat. Books to read, TV to watch, a soft bed to rest in. More than enough blankets to wrap up in. Hot water for bathing. You get the idea. In many parts of the world I would be considered RICH.

Most of all I have many people who love and care about me. That feels amazing. So no... I don't need to go to Home Goods and get that Valentines placement. I want to go to the pottery studio and create something that didn't exist before I made it.

I don't want to go to Costco and buy new pillows. I want to get berries to feed my mitochondria. I want to walk my dogs, hug a tree, watch the birds, build a birdhouse, tend my garden, hug people I love. All free pleasures in life. I'm all in.

Taking Matters Into My Capable Hands

My very first blog post ever here was about "Plan Kick Ass." It was what I called a plan to rid all toxins from my diet and radically change my habits for the better. It has come and gone through the years. Typically with food addiction taking the drivers seat and veering me back into old habits. 

My dinner the other night. Cheese tortellini with gorgonzola alfredo sauce and roasted broccoli. It was even more delicious than it looks.

Cheese, butter, sweets, carbs... are all very hard for me to resist. Eight years later I'm ready to try again. But this time I have AI to help me.

With the help of Hal (what I call Copilot on my phone) I made a complete list of all the foods that are the very best for mitochondrial health. I then formed a meal plan around those foods. It is a complete, Vegan, protein and antioxidant heavy diet. No animal products at all. 

Matcha tea instead of coffee every morning.

What it also lacks are replacement foods. No Earth Balance instead of butter. No Impossible Beef instead of burger. And sadly, not even some fake buffalo "chicken" instead of real chicken on my salad. Nope. Whole grains, beans, fruits and vegetables. The closest thing I get to eating anything "fun" is dark chocolate. This... is... going... to... be... hard.

My research added to my 2026 journal.

BUT. If it will help me lose some weight to help my strength and mobility. Heal my mitochondria and allow me to have more stamina and less fatigue? Well... There's very little I wouldn't do for that.

First comes food. Then hopefully if I'm feeling stronger and more energetic I can increase my activity. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Welcome to 2026. My body won't know what hit it. 

Happy New Year!

SLOW THE F*%& DOWN!

My mom says a lot of very true, on-point things. One of the things she is always telling me (has always told me) is to SLOW DOWN! I rush through everything. Even getting out of the car. She laughed the other day and said I'm just like the dogs (or are they just like me?) Always ready to jump out of the car before the brake is even on.

In my efforts to go slow I made a few changes.

I love the smell and warm glow of candles.

One has been reading at night rather than being on my phone. I'm not 100% perfect, but it has been really wonderful. I'm enjoying large print saucy reads and sleeping much better because of it. 

Total smut. But oh so fun!

Another change I made is switching from my Nespresso pods every morning to slow drip coffee. I read online someone doing this in an effort to have a slower morning. I thought it made good financial sense as well.

I bought this little 5 cup machine on eBay.

The other thing I've been doing for a while now is turning on the live feed from one of my favorite places in the world... Monterey Bay. I bet you thought I was going to say Hawaii? Well, that's number 2. But to see the otters and seals in real time. That stormy sea so alive. The people-less beaches. Well, it's a magical way to start the day. I pretend it's my window as I watch.

After my slow coffee by the bay I walk the dogs (if I have the energy.) And that's my easy morning. I know what a luxury it is to be able to indulge like this. I remember hitting the ground running when I worked full time. Then "luxury" time was my commute when I sang out loud in my car or listened to the news. Yeah... this is better.

Max, Margo and Mom. Living our best lives.

52 and THRIVING!

These days I'm not just "surviving," I'm THRIVING!

I spent the last many years surviving. Going from one physical crisis to the next. I'm thrilled to report that I've been "crisis free" for about five weeks now. I'm also getting stronger every day. Here's what I'm doing that's working for me.

• I work out in some way daily. Dog walks, my trampoline (affectionately dubbed "Fatty Bounce Bounce" by my husband), my new gym, swimming with my mom, long walks every Saturday with my husband.
  
  
• Wearing my FitBit every day to track my sleep, heart rate, HRV and overall progress.
  
  
• Using Hungry Root for dinners during the week. We get about three meals a week with ingredients and the menu delivered right to our door every Monday morning.
  
  
• Eating strictly vegetarian and limiting my animal protein. A little cheese, yogurt and eggs.
  
  
• Watching my weight. So far I just watch it go up a little and down a little, but it's a work in progress.
  
  
• Resting when I feel tired.

That natural glow is from sunshine and exercise.

Since adopting these practices I'm feeling much more myself. My migraines remain an issue. A side effect from my craniotomy, I'm sure. But my mitochondrial disease feels to be in full remission right now.

With that comes a huge adjustment and also some fear. Fear that it could turn back on me just as suddenly as it went away. I'm on my guard, but also just loving life.

My husband and I walked just under three miles with our little dogs yesterday. I was exhausted, but felt so proud. It was the farthest I'd walked since I can remember. Just a month ago I struggled to walk a mile. I also carried one of our dogs or the other for at least half a mile. That's an extra 12lbs.

I told my husband I'd never poo poo another 12lb weight loss again.

This little guy is solid!

I still have severe dizziness, and "ice pick" migraines daily. I have been taking Qulipta 60 mg every night and it was working very well. Then it felt like I acclimated to it and it stopped being so effective. That seems to happen with me and medications.

My migraine neurologist is going to try me out on Lamictal 25mg instead to see if that helps. I feel like I might have tried it before, but I don't remember. It's an anti-seizure medication that should help with my type of migraines. 

In the meantime, I will try to keep up the good work and continue to re-build my body from being so ill for so long.

Self Love

What would you do if you knew today was your last day here alive on earth? Who would you talk to? How would you spend your time?

As someone who has always been unafraid of death, these are questions that go through my head often. "Is this the last time I'll ever see this person again? The last chance to hug them?" 

Everyone in my life whom I love knows just how much I love them. I'm very vocal about it. I hug tightly and let them know in as many ways as I can just how important they are to me.

Am I that important to myself?
I'm working on it.

Self-love is an evolving work in progress for me. As I kid I remember hitting myself, choking myself, biting myself. As a Psychologist I now know these are all common trauma reactions, especially in girls who have experienced SA. So is self hatred. Especially hatred of their bodies.

It has taken me a very long time to turn all of that around. To nurture that young girl and ease her trauma. Now I find self love talk to come easily. I am gentle with myself. However doing what's in my best self interest is still a struggle. 

• How I spend my time.
• Staying on a budget or planning financially for the future.
• Making the healthiest choice for my body.
• Putting my needs first (even before my dogs.)

All of these are a work in progress for me. I've come a long way (baby) but I still have a bit of self love that I want to grow into.

My new Fitbit. An act of self love to invest in my goals.

Re-Imagining Me

I've been trying to have a big mental shift. It isn't easy. At my age my thinking is pretty set. However if I shifted it to become a full time student at the age of 40, then I can do this. I accomplished a hell of a lot for my career. I have shown myself what I can do when I put my mind, time and energy to something.

In the past this was how my brain worked:

90% Illness

10% Everyone else, including me

My illness was in the drivers seat. I did anything I could to self-comfort. Social media, fast food, limiting how physical I was, ignoring it and just surviving. Not much of a focus on thriving.

But the power of the mind is mighty. Here's what I'm working towards:

75% ME

my food, being in nature, art, creativity, spirituality, relationships

25% Illness (appointments, crash days, pacing, pain, insomnia)

Rather than numbing myself out of my illness I'm leaning in and making friends with it. I'm not "managing" or "surviving." I am nurturing and feeding my body what she needs to do her best. By leaning in and listening. Rest, art, movement, beauty, nature, good nutrition... These are things I need. 

Who do you want to be?

One of the things I love most about life (and there are many) is the chance to constantly re-invent yourself. It is literally never too late. You choose, for the most part, who you are. Who you want to be. Do you want to be a good parent? Do you want to be a scholar? A partner to someone? Adopt animals or children? Start a non-profit? Put out fires? What kind of person are you? You choose.

My newborn son's footprints. 1/23/94

This extends somewhat to the appearance you show the world. Do you chose to be a flaming redhead, or maybe a blonde. Do you only wear black with spikes on your shoes and metal chains? Do you wear no makeup at all and let your natural beauty shine through.

My Masters graduation. 2017

Of course by now we all know that there are many conditions that make it very difficult to manage weight. Hypothyroidism is one of them. I have it, so does my mother and son. My grandfather also had it. On top of that I'm over 50 and disabled, which makes the challenges all the larger. But it's not impossible.

The choices I make literally make me. 
I chose to be a stay at home mom. I have a huge "caring for others" streak that is essential to my person. I chose to go back to school and then to become a therapist. I chose to get married (one of the best decisions I ever made.) 

"
2013. Me not knowing how beautiful I was. I am.

Every moment of every day I make some kind of choice. I chose to sit down and write this blog.

Food is a difficult choice for me. I tend to be obsessive when I make a big change. Buying tools I feel like I'll need to succeed. Re-arranging my environment to best support my whopping new goal. It's the ADD in me and also a way I try to control things that are difficult to control.

I'm trying to make better food choices and to battle my addiction to food. I can feel that monster getting bigger. If I don't address it now it will take over my life, my mobility and my health. I don't choose that. 

Me in Iceland. 2014

Times and Tides

I have learned in my 51 years on this planet that if I pay close attention, nature is the best teacher of all. That's one of the things I love most about Polynesian culture. Although it's not the only culture that lives so close to the Earth, it's the main one that I know and admire. Living on a volcanic island, like Hawaii and Iceland, you can't help but live in sync with nature. You are hugely dependent on nature for your survival. Any second you could be wiped out by her wrath, or enormously rewarded. We've lost that connection in more urban environments. No matter how many parks and green belts there are.

Not the same as a park

One of the big lessons nature taught me is that no growth can occur without destruction. Usually complete and violent destruction. Mother Nature loves nothing more than a clean slate. I respect that hugely. I look back on my life and see my own biggest periods of growth occurring after total devastation.

The Hawaiians also know this, which is why they focus on the "now" so intensely. Everyone has heard of "island time" and "hang loose." To me those mean exactly what my mother practices and knows so well. "Life's too short and precious to rush through." It's very easy to get caught up in the pressures of everyone else around you and start rushing through everything, even when there's no need. Rushing to our cars from the store. Rushing through the store. Rushing to the store. What happens if we're late? Typically nothing awful. You're just a little late *but not by "Island Time!"

Hawaiians also take full advantage of all of nature's gifts. The original native diet was very high in fish and fruits. It wasn't until American's came to take over that we introduced Spam. Although the Japanese labor force that was imported in to work the pineapple fields can take the blame for rice. I felt like I had never eaten a banana before until I had an Apple Banana in Hawaii right off the tree. Here we shop at the grocery store, or if you're very lucky, the Farmer's Market. But we typically eat far from nature. 

I'm very guilty of this. Frozen pizza, macaroni and cheese, heck! Even just cheese and yogurt. All are heavily processed foods that are known to contribute to disease. Does that stop me? No. It's what I grew up with and what I love. Though culture can and does change. Again, nature taught me that nothing is permanent and everything changes all the time. Even when you can't see it. Seashores are being eroded. Soil shifted. Rocks worn away. Diamonds created from stardust. Humans from blobs of cells. 

There is nothing from nature on this truck

Every so often I feel like I wake up from a culture induced stupor and wake up to the tides of nature. Fall has historically been one of those times for me. The changes in the natural world are so profound at this time that I can't help but to take notice. This always has been a time of inward reflection for me. This fall I didn't like what I saw.

I saw myself self-sabotaging over and over and over again. Doing nothing to support my own health. And little that nurtures my mental well-being. I have been shoving down the anger and grief over the death of the main male figure in my life, my Grandfather, who passed violently three short months ago. I have been feeding myself to comfort mentally rather than feeding myself what I know I need physically. I have been taking great care of others and not so great care of myself. A tried and true pattern of mine. I put other's preferences ahead of my own and lose focus of my own path as it crosses with others.

I am painfully aware of how easy it would be for my to lose myself completely to my new family. Stop going to the gym and just focus on them. But I have goals and I need to re-focus right now.

My Goals (what I want to re-focus on)

1.  My health. Eating the foods I need to eat to be as strong and healthy as possible. High fiber whole foods that will product short-chain fatty acids in my gut microbiome. Not long. This also includes going to the gym at least three times a week to work on my strength and flexibility. 
   
   
   
2. My creativity. Setting aside time for writing, ceramics, drawing, painting, whatever I want to express what's inside me.
   
   
3. My emotions. Processing my feelings about the horrible death of my grandfather.
   
   
4. My empathy. Spending time with my son, my mother and my new family. Also in here I put completing my CEU's to maintain my MFT license.
   
   
5. Making Money. Selling our unwanted stuff on eBay and maybe starting a support group of some kind. Getting back to working one or two days a week.

To accomplish my goals I need to be committed. Dedication and focus is what I need right now. Because there will always be more laundry and I don't need mac n' cheese.

I rebuke you Satan! 

Exciting Few Months

My life has been changing rapidly over the last months. Not leaving me much time for blogging. Fortunately for me all of the change has been good.

I HAVE A NEW FAMILY (more family? My family grew!)
I found out months ago that my birth father passed away in 2021. I learned this on Facebook. I would do occasional Google searches of his name just to see what he and my two half sisters were up to. We had no contact at all for over 24 years now. I Googled him and found a remembrance post by one of my sisters. I was very surprised as he wasn't that old.

I sent her a message even though we weren't "friends." I knew it was a big shot in the dark, but I was curious how he died and if it was something I should know about (like cancer or heart disease.) I said I was sorry to read that he passed. I knew they were close (by his pictures.) I asked how he passed. I said that even though I only met her and her sister once when they were very little, I always thought about them. I gave her my contact information and said it was ok if she wanted to reach out. More than ok really.

Then shock of all shocks. About two months later I get a message back from her. She apologized for it taking so long and said I ended up in some strange folder (just like I thought I might.) She said she and her sister have been looking for me and missing me their whole lives. She said our father would talk about me and had some pictures around of me, so they always knew I was their sister. They just didn't know why I wasn't in their lives. She said no one would talk about it. I'm hopeful he was ashamed of rejecting me. She said they would love to meet me if I was ok with that.

I was so excited and hopeful. But trying not to get my hopes up too much. I wanted to be a part of their lives and learn everything about them. I hungrily sought out pictures of them. Much to my surprise I look like a perfect mix between them. We met a few weeks after that. Just the three of us. John dropped me off so I wouldn't have to worry about driving. What a guy. The three of us bonded quickly. I had John take some pictures of us together. 

They are both partnered up. My youngest sister has a 10 month old baby boy. My middle sister has four children. Three boys and one girl ages 3-8yrs. I instantly became an aunt to five more kids. WOW! I can't wait to meet them all. That was delayed a bit because...

We went to Hawaii for our 30th wedding anniversary.

We just returned a few days ago. We had a magical time. We both agreed it was our best vacation ever. The ocean is just amazing there. There's nothing like it in California. The waters are tropical blue and so clear. You just stick your face in the water and there are mobs of colorful fish.

My fantastic mother watched the puppies for us and did an amazing job. They were so happy and well cared for. I couldn't have done better myself. I was able to completely relax and have full peace of mind while away knowing she was there for them. They were her full time job.

(We don't want you home Mom! We're being spoiled.)

I was able to enjoy vacation even more because...

I found a new supplement that is actually helping with my energy levels. Finally. Someone in my Adults With Mito online support group recommended it to me. I decided to give it a try and it works amazingly well.

It's called NR Nicotinamide Riboside. It's an "NAD+ Precursor." It's a member of the Vitamin B3 family. I take 300mg (1 pill) first thing in the morning. I was taking more but it was working too well and giving me insomnia. I get it through a company called Genex Formulas. At $38.14 a bottle of 60 pills it is well worth it. 

New family, new energy, new memories and 30 years of marriage. I could not be happier.

From six wheels to two

Eight months ago I was using six wheels. My beautiful Permobil pink wheelchair and I owned the streets. She got me from A to B in style and speed. Topping out at 7mph she was ahead of her class. Now she is parked in my garage, lovingly draped in my favorite shower curtain (occasionally holding laundry for me to pay attention to.)

I love this picture my mom took of me last year.

I now have two wheels. My stunning new Lectric bike tops out at 20mph. I've only taken her 15 because I'm a big scaredy cat. Even though I always wear a helmet.

Shopping online, but I bought her in person at a REAL brick and mortar store.

My first day out.

I wanted an electric bike since I became mobile again. I originally thought I would get a three wheel trike. It turns out when I went to test ride them I hated it. I felt much less unstable on three wheels then I did on two. Maybe it's because I used to be a recreational bike rider, so it is what I was used to? It's amazing how muscle memory really works. 

Test rides were important for me.
My first time on her!

I feel so fortunate to be able to ride a bike again. My bike not only helps you pedal as much as you need, but you can also ride it like a moped with just the throttle engaged. So if I ride it somewhere and get too tired I can just sit there and cruise.

I feel like I'm 10 again when I get on it. So free. My next purchase will be a rainbow pinwheel for my handlebars. Don't be surprised if you hear me zoom past you house yelling "Wheeeeeee!!!"