Settling In

It's 2024 and I'd say I'm settling in nicely. I have two beautiful, funny dogs now who make my life so fun. I have my mobility back. I have my son out of my mom's house and working hard to be an independent adult. I have pottery studio 2-3 times a month. I'm loving Apple Fitness with it's Yoga, stretching and Meditation. I'm also trying to sell our wheelchair van.

My near future plans include taking some online courses to get my license back and become a supervisor in my profession.

Going for a hike

Doing more art

Checking out a close gym's yoga class

I'm still more fatigued than I was before all this happened to me. Which is to be expected. But when I'm awake my energy is hugely improved. I can do multiple things in a day which I never could do before. And drive. I can't under-state how great it is to be able to drive myself again. -WHEW!-

I feel like things are going very well for me. I'm spending time with friends and family. Living my life and thriving, not just surviving.

Margo

Max

Unexpected Interests

I never ever would have guessed that I would become someone who loved Yoga. Or that I could ever DO yoga ever again. But yoga has been the absolute best thing for my body since I regained my strength and energy. THE BEST!

I mentioned in December that I was even transforming our "guest room" (that used to be my "daytime sick room") into my own Yoga Studio. Well, it's about finished. It still needs a few things here and there (like a balance bar) but overall it's great and very usable. I love it.

I printed out and framed a lot of body positive and Yoga messages. Also some poses and routines. Instead of just taping those to the wall I used the vintage looking black corner tabs. Like from old timey photo albums. I love those.

The space has been very rejuvenating for me. It's the perfect size for my yoga as well. It's a space where I can meditate, be creative, make art, relax, read with my dogs or get harassed by them as I try to get my "flow" on. 

Yoga has been so helpful to make me feel strong again. It builds strength, balance, flexibility and helps with my breathing too. It makes me feel more grounded. I also tend to dissociate from my body and yoga brings me back to it in an incredibly positive way.

I used to hate it and not be too fond of people who did it. I thought they were a bunch of wheat grass sipping, no bra wearing, tree hugging twigs. Now here I am hugging trees, sipping veggie juice and getting on my "Namaste." Life is so unpredictable.

What 51 looks like

with no hair

for now

nothing's permanent

I do miss an in-person class though. So this Saturday I'm going to check out our local yoga studio and see if I like it. I think all that education turned me into a "class" person. That's it for now. "The light in me sees and acknowledges the light in you. Namaste."

Still Healing

I've been doing Yoga at home and a little bit of meditation lately. As in the last two weeks or so. My special room came along wonderful and is almost complete. It's a great space to do those things in, with my dogs staring at me of course. But that's much better than leaving them for the gym. Although I digress...

My point is that while I was meditating this morning I was trying to open myself up with my mind. Explore my body and see where the tension and pain is and what's causing it. I noticed that I felt very raw inside. Like an M&M but instead of chocolate I am a big, open, void of pain. That really shocked me. I leaned in even more to that feeling and saw it stemmed from the last five years of my disability being so serious. 

My loves, Margo (left) and Max (in the orange shirt)

I tend to gloss over things and move on to the next, on to the next. I tell myself that I sat with feelings and experiences but I think that's often a lie. I'm great at helping others sit with their feelings, but garbage at doing it myself. No shocker there. "Do as I say, not as I do."

I realized when really listening to that void that I am still healing from that experience. Of course I am. It has only been five months! That's what I would tell a client. "Of course you are! Hardly any time has passed at all!"

I've gone from not being able to walk around our neighborhood block to doing it while walking one dog and carrying another (poor sick Max) in a sling. All in five months. That's nothing short of miraculous.

Margo with her favorite toy

But what of all the other things that I can't see. That I'm "glossing over." All the time spent asleep. Those lost hours. Time spent not engaging with the world in the way that I'm used to. Energy spent on mobility challenges. The pain all of that caused both mental and physical. The impact it had on my relationships. On my husband, mother and son. I'm still feeling that.

I like meditation because it's a time to pause and really open myself up. I'm a person who needs time and space for that. 

Yoga makes me stronger and more flexible. But it also puts me in touch with my body. With my pain. And lets me know my limits right then and there.

Together both help me explore this new body of mine with love and intention. It's something I desperately need.

Sleeping Beauty

Onto The Next Phase

Life echos the rhythms of nature. Stagnation leaves growth impossible. Buddha says that attachment is the worse thing you can do. "Let go or be dragged." I love that saying. Nothing lasts forever. These beliefs help me savor each moment as it comes as well as embrace all new things that tickle my fancy.

My latest interest has been Yoga. Nothing has helped me with my strength and balance like Yoga. It also helps calm my mind. I've been taking a weekly class at my gym and just love it. I miss it if I don't get to do it. My teacher, Tish guides us through an hour of Vinyasa Yoga.    

I decided to create a specific Yoga/Art studio out of my spare room in my house. It has been serving as a guest room. I used to spend a lot of time in there on the bed with Max, watching TV while my husband was working from home in the main part of the house. But that was when I was very ill. Now I want a space to do art and move my body.

How the space looks now. Mostly just a big bed.

Getting ready for a change. Anyone need a big bed?

My Yoga mat and "gym drawers" are the most recent addition here.

Where my gym bag lives with some images to motivate me.

Along with space to move and a small table for art I'd also like to add a bar for stretching out. I find that very helpful at the gym. A ballet bar attached to the wall. And I scored a beautiful, free, lime green chair from a neighbor that will be tucked into a reading nook. No need for a TV in this room anymore.

As I change my home changes with me. I'll never understand people whose homes remain exactly the same like some kind of time capsule. I find it very uncomfortable. I like my home to echo my life and serve me and my goals, passions, needs.

I'm excited to get started on my room. Now I just need to get rid of that bed!!!!

Fears

I had my eyes checked at the end of August and bought a pair of expensive glasses. Then a few weeks ago I needed more contact lenses, but my current prescription was feeling a tad weak. I went back to my eye doctor and he re-checked me. Within four months my eyes had changed a little for the worse. But that's not all...

I feel like I don't see quite as well as I used to when I'm driving. Especially at night. Part of mitochondrial disease is having compromised eye sight. That scares me.

I don't take any minute for granted with my muscles. Knowing that I still have mitochondrial dysfunction makes me fear a relapse. That I'll suddenly not be able to walk or use my muscles anymore.

Taking joy in my pottery with my cute new glasses

I combat these fears with fitness. Working out makes me aware of my body and its limits. I enjoy it. I miss it when I don't do it. I especially love Yoga. Which is a big surprise. I love how aware I am of my body when I do it. It has also helped me the most with my strength and flexibility. Being able to lift my arms above my head is a thrilling accomplishment and I feel I have Yoga to thank for it.

When I exercise it verifies what my body can do. What I'm capable of. Not what might happen in the future. Today I am strong and can still see. Yay!