Back when I worked with clients one of the big things we would discuss no matter what the challenge in their lives were, was the concept of feeling more than one thing at a time. Somehow we all got this message that feelings can only come one at a time. If you're angry then it's just anger. Nothing else. Same with sadness, regret, mourning, joy, etc. When I would tell people that "it's ok to feel more than one thing at a time" it was a huge revelation and relief for them.
Funnily enough it's something I myself can forget sometimes.
Things have been such a huge challenge this year and such a conveyor belt of constant medical calls and appointments that I haven't been blogging much. I think about it and then just feel like I don't even know where to begin. Or what to write about. This morning this topic just felt right.
I made this collage last night. It's a few of the medical issues that I've grappled with this year. Ten months worth of photos...
I have felt very angry, depressed, frustrated, lonely and like I want to give up at times. But I have also felt happiness, joy, awe, gratitude, relief, love, warmth and pride. Not one at a time. But in a big emotion soup.
I'm a human. I'm flawed and refined. A good friend and a bad friend. A perfect patient and a brat. Good to myself and damaging. Smart and foolish. All at the same time.
Life is messy. Messier than I ever thought it would be. Fortunately I'm resilient, supported, experienced and persistent. These are fantastic strengths that I'm proud to have. I'm able to "live in the now" which is a huge advantage. I let most things go pretty easily. I'm an extremely "on to the next" person. I don't dwell (often. I can't say never.)
I'm also improving at putting myself first. Not stressing about my son an his choices. Letting people know what I need and how I'm feeling. Not justifying myself anymore (even to my medical team.) I am proud of myself. And all of my emotions and self expressions.
