All or Nothing

My mom and I were talking yesterday and I mentioned how if I'm going to change a habit I am "all or nothing" about it. Doing things a little bit at a time never worked for me. Case in point. My wonderful husband and I have been together 33 years. I was pregnant within 3 months of dating (the second time around.) SURPRISE! And we moved in together two weeks after I found out. We were married less than a year later. All or nothing. And that worked out just fine for me.

So I don't just start eating one Vegan meal a week. I go full Vegan. It's going great.

I don't just "watch my spending." I stop spending completely. Well, now that Target's off limits (for supporting ICE) there goes a giant will to spend. I'm also in the "purging" phase of the year. Cleaning things out. Giving away. Not the acquiring phase, so that helps. 

A beautiful orchid I brought back from the dead.

A friend gives me her dead orchids and I bring them back to life.

Honestly I really want for nothing. I have a closet literally bursting with beautiful clothes. I have shoes that keep my feet comfy and ankles stable. I have a travel wheelchair, big wheelchair and walking sticks. I have a stunning new car. A warm house to keep me safe. Plenty of good food to eat. Books to read, TV to watch, a soft bed to rest in. More than enough blankets to wrap up in. Hot water for bathing. You get the idea. In many parts of the world I would be considered RICH.

Most of all I have many people who love and care about me. That feels amazing. So no... I don't need to go to Home Goods and get that Valentines placement. I want to go to the pottery studio and create something that didn't exist before I made it.

I don't want to go to Costco and buy new pillows. I want to get berries to feed my mitochondria. I want to walk my dogs, hug a tree, watch the birds, build a birdhouse, tend my garden, hug people I love. All free pleasures in life. I'm all in.

Addicted

I've recently been trying to learn as much as I can about my disease. Science is an ever changing, ever evolving beast. Especially when it comes to mitochondrial functioning and its role in multiple disorders.

One thing that stood out to me was the emphasis on sleep. How getting a good night's sleep is vital to good immunity and mitochondrial health. To say I don't get good sleep is an understatement. But that's in big part due to my phone. It is glued to my hand from the time I hit the sheets till around 2AM. Not healthy at all.

She doesn't look like a siren, but she is!

So last night I decided I'm changing that bad habit. I made my bed all nice, turned off all of the lights. Even my little nightlight and closed my eyes to sleep.

The urge to pick up my phone was insane. Partly due to my ADD brain wanting to look things up, add something to my Target cart, or check in with people I don't even know. Damn. I am completely addicted and I didn't even realize it.

"You knowwwww you want to shop. I bet someone is having a saaaaaaale"

It felt exactly like when I left Facebook for good about eight years ago now. I deleted my account and that was that. I didn't notice how much it had tentacled into every facet of my life until I quit cold turkey. I felt a physical pull to get back on it that was terrifying. I had been so completely addicted to it and I didn't even know it.

The fact that last night was so incredibly hard for me and that I felt that same magnetic pull to get on my phone just validated that I did the right thing. And just like Facebook, I didn't realize that I was addicted. I thought it was a preference or something I enjoyed. Not that I would feel the loss like a tooth pulled.

"I bet that comment you left is up to 5K likes now. What's your friend in Australia doing? I bet she's up."

I stayed off of it and fell asleep after a restless 30-45 minutes. Not bad. And I slept very well. Hmmmm. Coincidence? 

Oh yes. I also read a real book for the first time in ages. Bridgerton. The first one. Saucy. I felt like someone from Little House on the Prairie. Laying in bed reading. Wow! What a novel idea. Something I did all the time before the iPhone. 

The Dark Underbelly of Meal Planning

I want to try something new with my eating. I want to give meal prep a go. That's the one where you make all your meals and snacks ahead of time, then just eat what is in the pre-portioned out of a cute, little container. I thought it might help me not only lose some weight, but regulate my protein and meals better for my energy and muscles. It's easy for me to forget to eat until I get too hungry, then make bad choices. One of the blessings of having ADD.

I decided I was going to pack ahead for breakfast and lunch, but not dinner. For dinner I would just have a set menu like I usually do.

Breakfast was pretty easy to put together. I put everything into a big bowl, then scooped that into small baby food jars (that I use for my dog's food). That made five breakfasts.

Inside is:

• whole oats (gluten free oatmeal)
• walnut butter & almond butter
• frozen berries
• vanilla protein powder
• ground flax
• honey
  
  
  
  
  

Next up were my snack packs. I'm not a snacker by nature, but I'm working on that. Inside is:

• super baby carrots (the smallest I could find)
• sliced celery hearts
• black bean dip
  (1 can black beans drained and rinsed, oat milk, dried onion flakes, smoked paprika, pepper, salt, pepper flakes, red pepper spice, hot sauce of choice.)

High in protein and super tasty! This is the best way for me to find a short chain fatty acid dip. To make it myself in the food processor.

Now came the hard part. Lunch. My husband and I decided on chicken burrito bowls.

But wait... that's not chicken! Well, turns out I was short on chicken, so two bowls are Vegan with pinto beans instead.

It looks so delicious. What could possibly go wrong?

To start let me say this took about three hours. That's just the lunch. Not the breakfast and snack. And that's with my husband helping by slicing the onion, jalapeños, tomatoes and lettuce. I did the chicken and rice.

I baked the chicken breast in salsa, salt, pepper and a little Tapatio. Then I intended to finish it off in a hot skillet with a bit of walnut oil. Except I was too eager and didn't get the skillet hot enough. Darn. It was still tasty though.

But check this out...

What they don't show you on Pinterest

I had SO MANY DISHES from just the lunch! It was a bit nuts actually. My kitchen was a mess. I did it though and managed to make us each four lunches. I typically have lunch once a week at my mom's, so I didn't need five.

Here's what it is:

• diced onion
• diced cherry tomatoes
• fresh mixed greens
• chicken breast (pinto beans in 2)
• sliced jalapeños
• brown organic rice (cooked in a can of diced tomatoes with green chilies, 1tbsp walnut oil and organic spicy veggie broth.)

That's it! No cheese. 

Both the breakfast and the lunch were delicious. I didn't have my snack today because I got a late start. I had breakfast at 10 and lunch at 2. At 6pm we'll be starting dinner. 

I learned a lot from my first time doing meal prep and planning.

1. It will take a lot of food. Buy double what you think you'll need. I almost didn't have enough and ran out of chicken.
2. Buy the right containers. I was lucky to find great ones my first try, but that's important. Especially for fitting everything into the fridge when done.
3. Clean out your fridge before you make the meals. Make sure you have lots of free space.
4. Have a backup plan in case you run out of an ingredient.
5. Measure to get your portion size correct. For example I used a 1/2 cup for the rice in the burrito bowls.
6. Have someone to help you, or buy things already cut or cooked to save energy and time.
7. Get your skillet super hot to finish off any meat.
8. Have an empty dishwasher. Ha ha.

From Electric Wheelchair to Electric Bike!

Seven months ago I was an electric wheelchair user. Any time I left my home I relied on my chair to be my legs.

Now after selling Pablo I'm in the market for an electric bike.

We went down to being a 1.5 car family. The 0.5 is my mom's Jeep that I can borrow any time I want.

But I don't like relying on other people. Even my mom. I want to be independent. I also always loved bike riding. 

An electric bike is the perfect solution for me. I can use power assist for hills or full electric if I get too pooped (like on my way home from the gym.)

These bikes don't come cheap, so it's a big investment in myself.

At first I thought I wanted a three wheel bike for sure. But after looking in person I'm not as convinced. They're harder to pedal (because of the extra weight), harder to turn and take up much more space to store. There are also much fewer to test ride.

Cargo bike?
Maybe.

A three wheel model that has potential.

The benefits of having three wheels are the added stability. After brain surgery and a muscle disease that means a lot. If I do go two wheels I want them to be big and fat! (Like meeeeeee.)

My husband found this site where you can 100% customize your eBike.

The artist in me is really in love.

We will be going camping with friends for the first time ever soon after my road trip return. I may wait till after that to decide. A sportier model would be able to come with us on such adventure. A big three wheeler would have to stay at home. I'm not buying a truck to carry my bike.

It all comes down to how will I use it the most.

• Tooling around town from the gym to the store
• Carrying the dogs out to local parks and for rides
• Camping and biking along oceans on adventures

I'm not totally positive yet.

Until I am I don't want to make such a big financial investment. In the meantime I'm having fun looking, learning and test riding.

honk honk! Move it cars!

A pricy cargo bike

All In One Year

 

My mother and I went spring garden shopping at our favorite nursery yesterday. It wasn't till my cart was full to bursting that I realized "Hey! This is my first time walking here!" Later on that day she sent me pictures of the last five years we were there. 

The picture above is 2023 and just below that yesterday, 2024. What an incredible difference a year makes.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to "Just hold on. Help is coming. You'll be here walking next year." What a miracle this still is.

I have a lot of pain and get tired. I need to remember to eat BEFORE I do something strenuous or exercise, not only after. Alcohol doesn't really agree with me anymore. When I was a wheelchair user I had far fewer after effects of drinking. Isn't that odd? Now my body's like "Heyyyy, we have enough going on without also metabolizing this poison you just drank." Fair enough body. I hear you.

Eight months ago that chair was still my only way to interact in the world. I call 2PM to 6PM "Magic hour" because that was the time I would miss out on every day. Every thought was about my disability and how I could best live my life. What tools I would need to get me through. How to explain my needs to people and anticipate them myself. Being disabled is exhausting.

Today was so wonderful planting all of my beautiful flowers. I'm not growing food this year in my raised bed. Just flowers and some herbs. I brought my back brace outside but didn't need to use it. Which is a testament to how much stronger my back and torso are becoming.

My weight is up, but I'm trying not to focus so hard on that. I'll be back at the gym tomorrow morning. Driving past my beautiful garden. 

Best Christmas Yet

Oh boy! Do I ever have a lot to be thankful for this year. I feel like every wishbone, birthday candle and dandelion I've found over the last five years have paid off. And now it is the holiday season. My first one as a re-abled person. The first one I can stay awake all through in five years. You bet your sweet ass that I'm "walking in a winter wonderland." Or almost... it's still 80* outside where I live.

Holiday shopping excitement!

I've already warned my husband that Christmas is going to be a very big deal at our house this year. I'm putting up every string of lights we own, crafting till my fingers blister from my hot glue gun and kissing every creature I encounter under the mistletoe. I already bought seven Christmas trees. Ok... it's not what you think. They're all very small. But still! I'm one jolly lady over here!

O' Christmas Tree O' Christmas Tree...

We'll be having our first Thanksgiving feast this Saturday. For some of our friends it will be the first time they've seen me up and walking in five years. Everyone I know has been using the word "miracle" - myself included. So what better time to celebrate than the winter holidays? I'm going to shine brighter than the brightest Christmas lights this year with joy.

A Second Teenage-hood

Remembering back to when I was a teenager, this time in my life doesn't feel all that different. I'm not talking about the pimples and stress. But the discovery phase of everything feeling new and exciting. Who do I want to be? What do I want to look like? What are my tastes? What tools do I need for the life I want and for who I am NOW?

The person I was two months ago could not be any different from the person I am today. I am full of energy and ready for an adventure at all times. Strangely enough, my style has also changed.

I shaved my head yesterday. #3 all over. I love it.
Going back to my natural color.

I've always been incredibly organized, but now I feel I'm even more so. The tingling of modernism aesthetics is pulling at my maximalist style. The "bohemian a la mode" that I've loved for so long is going by the wayside to be replaced by Ikea cleanliness. White is my new favorite color for my house (it was orange and teal.) I find myself wanting to purge most of my belongings and start over fresh.

My local Goodwill must be thrilled with all the donations they've been getting from me. Including my BiPap and Cough Assist machines. I have my old blue electric wheelchair up for sale on Ebay, but may just end up donating that as well. I'm keeping my new chair and the wheelchair van for now. 

I'm humored that I most needed to buy good walking shoes along with more bras. I stopped wearing bras 99% of the time when I was so sick because they took way too much energy to take on and off. Then obviously my shoes didn't matter much since I used my chair any time I left the house. Now I need a lot of support for the weaker muscles in my feet. And I actually want to wear a bra. I'm enjoying having this time to explore. It is a real luxury.

I'm a pretty big deal

My strength is gaining and I'm feeling good about gently pushing myself. I feel a bit stronger every day. Today was the biggest push yet. I used a shopping cart when we went to Trader Joe's.

I picked this store because it's very small, the parking is very close to the door, I know it well and if I couldn't do it they have electric carts right outside the door, so I wouldn't even have to bring my chair. 

As you can see I did do it! My entire shopping list. I felt like such a freaking bad ass!

I felt like my organs were shifting down as I walked. It occurred to be that sitting in a chair does squash everything down, so I'm sure that they are needing to re-adjust. What a weird thought. 

Towards the end I was starting to sweat a little bit and feel fatigued. My muscles still felt strong, but I felt tired.

We guessed that I shopped for at least 30minutes. I'm so impressed and proud. It felt like a good stretch of my physical abilities. 

Food! Bon Appetite! Get Yo Grub On!

My husband and I are trying to stick more to a Mediterranean style of eating. Heavy on the seafood and veggie, light on the sugar and carbs. Our doctor whole heartedly encourages this and also recommended low salt. Although I don't really want to live forever, I would be happy with less pain, less inflammation and a little less body bulk to heave around. 

I went to our local Trader Joe's with my Mama on Monday. It was the first time I'd been since the quarantine. It felt really good to be able to pick out food for my family myself. That's something I had really been missing.

Here's a small sampling of what we've been enjoying.

Kale and broccoli salad on the left with hot sauce. I learned hot sauce takes away the overly "earthy" flavor that can come from kale. Then some soybean noodles (shockingly good!) with sautéed onions and a little mozzarella cheese. 

Top left is Huli Huli chicken with brown rice. My husband cut it up for me. We had it with a spring mix salad. Top right is the same kale broccoli slaw with my favorite fish - smoked trout! My puppy enjoys the skins too. Bottom left is brown rice with sautéed onions and eggs. I adore eggs and can eat them daily! I had that with avocado and a Honeycrisp apple.

My husband sweetly peels and slices apples for me and knows I like to have them with dinner. Honeycrisp is my favorite. High protein high fat works best for my body. Hence the egg and avocado. Springing for good eggs makes me feel good ethically and it also tastes much better than factory eggs. 

You can see it's not super complicated or expensive. We've been picking up restaurant food once a week both to support our local businesses, but also to give ourselves a break from cooking. Then my Mama also likes to feed us once a week or so. Though I tend to have coffee and lunch with her multiple days a week as well. 

Food is the center of our social world and I'm no different. In fact, food is quite important to me emotionally. It's something I'm constantly working on. 

Going All Natural

So my hair (and body hair) isn't the only thing that's going natural lately. I took stock of my beauty items and household items and want to make some changes there as well. Given my health challenges I think it might be helpful to try and go "as natural" as possible. 

(But not filterless. At least not ALL the time.)

For me that means avoiding things like added chemicals, scents and ingredients that I don't need and that could cause me to react in some way. It's insane the crap that is added into products, especially products for women. You can read more about it in this great article in The Guardian titled Pretty hurts: are chemicals in beauty products making us ill? 

I'll call this group "Level 1".  It's things I use that go directly on my body. Makeup, lotion, soap. Keeping away from dyes and sulfates. Your skin is your largest organ and what you put on it is very important. 

Level 1 - Skin, Body Care

• toothpaste (my favorite)
• shampoo (the one I just bought to try) 
• lotion (I like to use organic coconut oil)
• face toner (Witch Hazel works fantastic and is super cheap)
• soap
• makeup (I rarely wear it, but Gabriel and Zuzu are my top brands)
• deodorant (my favorite from Etsy)

I've tried to make my own natural skin care items through the years and I've learned it's much cheaper for me to buy from people who know what they're doing. My husband can attest to this. My "home made shampoo" fiasco of 2014 ended in $100 worth of shampoo. It was a mess.

I like to buy on Etsy when I find a good "maker" who doesn't use chemicals like the store brands. Reading labels is soooo important. As is not "drinking the girl koolaide". I swear that I go through this purge like twice a year. My husband must be so sick of it by now. I'm sure he thinks "Oh yeah! It's the annual 'Go Natural' time!" I'll start off great then something will catch my eye or FOMO will kick in and I'll slip down that glitter Maybelline slide. Well not this time because it's not worth risking my health.

This time I want to take it up a notch to...

Level 2 - House, Home Environment

• Glass Tupperware not plastic (been doing this for years)
• Silicone baggies instead of plastic
• Natural laundry pods (this is what I'd like to try) 
• No dryer sheets
• Natural dish pods
• Using vinegar, tea tree oil, castor soap, baking soda to clean instead of chemicals
• Make my own wet mop pads

I'm also not replacing anything till what we have is run out (I can hear my husband breathe a sigh of relief). And a few things I'm keeping in place till our son doesn't live with us anymore. Like the Clorox toilet cleaner.

But wait! There's more!

Level 3 - Healthcare & Diet

• Sticking to a diet of fish, eggs, good oils and avocados as main sources of protein.
• Cutting out processed, refined foods.
• Researching my condition more (Metabolic Myopathy)
• Being open to alternative options (what I eat, fitness, conditioning, supplements. Supplements have made a huge difference in my condition.)
• Getting back in the water, even if it's just to float around. 

By opting out of the chemical filled culture not only am I helping myself, my family and my puppy. But I'm also supporting an industry whose values more mirror my own. Fair trade, recycling, small business, women owned companies, social justice, all are very important to me. Every dollar is a vote for the kind of world you want to live in. And because some of these things cost more I like to think I may even consume less.

And as far as my heath goes I am slowly learning that I am the professional, everyone else works for me to help me feel and be my best. That goes for me as a consumer as well as me the "patient". And it goes for you too!

(I received no incentives and I'm in no way affiliated with any of the links on this blog.) 

What I CAN Do!

When you have any kind of illness it can be easy to get sucked into thinking about what you "can't" do anymore. "Ooooo, I USED to be able to (blank) but now I CAN'T!!" This kind of thinking isn't useful in any way. In fact it's a very slippery slope that leads to serious depression. 

I had an appointment yesterday with a new neurologist that went fantastic (more on that here). But medical appointments are also always fixated on what I can't do, what's wrong with me, what's causing me distress with my body. 

So to counteract that I give you a short list of what I CAN still do that brings me a lot of joy.

Even though I can't drive anymore, I CAN use Dory (my giant wheelchair) to travel my town independently. I'm very lucky to live in an accessible town and I love zooming as fast as I can in the bike lane all on my own. I meet family or friends this way, run a quick errand or walk my dog. 

I can't cook as much as I used to, but I can use my kitchen stool to cook more simple things, especially for lunch. Here I'm making spaghetti squash with chicken sausage for my mom for lunch. And even though my husband usually makes dinner I can still help.

I don't think there will ever come a time where I'm unable to shop, even if it's just online. I can still manage shopping just fine. Shopping gives me a sense of control over my environment (getting to pick out new things) and makes me happy. I just have to be sure not splurge too often.

I can still laugh and laugh LOUD! My son says I have two laughs, Marge Simpson and an evil witch cackle. I love it. And I love to make other people laugh. Laughter is contagious and super good for you. I hope I will always be able to laugh.

This is a really big one that I don't take for granted. I can still independently dress myself top to bottom. I do little tricks to make it easier (like don't always wear a bra), but I can still get the job done and look pretty darn good.

I can also still:

• write with my hand
• use a computer
• see
• taste
• breathe
• sleep in my bed
• have sex
• read
• bathe on my own
• play with my dog
• stretch
• clean the house a little bit
• do laundry
• walk around my house unaided
  (I love having such a small house!)
• feed myself
• kiss
• hug
• do a puzzle
• paint
• talk
• keep a blog

Plan Kick Ass - Day to Day

"What's going on with Plan Kick Ass?" I'm glad you asked! It has been a little over a month since I did an update. Here's how things stand. 

Food is good.

I don't always have the spoons to make stuff from scratch.

Tomorrow is another day.

Here's the areas I'm doing well at. Eating fresh and local I think I have down. I'm also eating much more veg than I was! I make a smoothie when I can (like I need to make one today). I'm stretching at least once a day, typically a few times. I have "naps" down solid and I really reduced my work week. Ha ha.  

Bruce is a napping PRO!

I've been asking for help when I need it, but my husband and mother usually want to do things for me before I ask. That makes me stubborn and actually LESS likely to ask for help. I need to talk to the two of them about that. 

I live in a food oasis where we have tons of fresh, local, delicious food constantly available. And let's face it. Food and eating it makes me happy and I need a lot of "happy makers" right now.

Our beautiful Farmer's Market on Saturdays

Roasted fall veg (that my husband wouldn't touch)

Here's where I'd still like to improve.

• Eat smaller portions.
• Eat more seafood
• Eat less sugar (No, it doesn't help. That was a fluke day)
• Eat less dairy
• Back to no soda (As soon as I finish my last Ginger Ale)
  

Most things I try (power drinks, sugar, Magnesium, etc...) seem to work great for a little bit, then taper off. So I'm not doing the power drinks regularly because there's just too much crap in them for what little I get back anymore. 

Roasted chicken (that my husband enjoyed)

On the medical side my doctor is sending me to an ENT to rule out any vestibular causes for my dizziness. I'm willing to try anything because not being able to drive BLOWS!

Keeping Distracted

My wonderful employer is taking everyone to Hawaii in January. Saturday I just wanted to get out of the house and do something fun, so the hubby and I decided to go searching for snorkel equipment. We've never been snorkeling before, but are excited to give it a try. We pride ourselves in being adventurous and planning an adventure is a good way to take my mind off... well... my mind. More specifiably, my brain tumor(s) (which I have yet to name.) 

My husband is more interested in the traditional snorkel gear, while I'm more in the "float face down like a bloated corpse" camp. I've read great reviews on these full face snorkels. It was helpful to go to an actual scuba shop and try them on though. They didn't have this "Miss Piggy pink" in my size, but they're ordering me one. (insert squeal of excitement here.)

I also distracted myself by calling a friend I haven't spoken to in a very long time. I have a bad habit of online shopping while I'm on the phone. I don't always buy something, but this time I did. I found a company called "Love Your Melon" who makes these adorable hats (and blankets.) I just loved the idea of wearing this soft, cozy hat after my (potential) brain surgery. And even if I don't need surgery, I still need to love my melon.

50% of proceeds from the company go to help fight childhood cancer.

On Friday before I even knew about the brain tumor(s) I bought myself this mermaid pendant. I've had my eye on it for a month, but had to save up to get it. I thought it was a beautiful way to mark getting my first "real" wheelchair. The medical equipment company is sending a rep to my house on Thursday to measure me and help me pick out an electric chair. This necklace is the first mermaid I've seen who doesn't have long flowing hair, but who also has some sass. Just like me. I love her. 

Now that I've been diagnosed with a brain tumor(s) I'm sure my insurance company won't give it a second thought about covering my electric chair 100%. So that's a bit off my mind (get it? Hahah!) I'm looking forward to meeting the rep and hearing more about my options.

My husband has been amazing (as always) and has also been so helpful at keeping me distracted this weekend. It's been a weekend full of back rubs, hugs and extra loves and support. He didn't even flinch when I insisted I needed a $25 ZZ Plant for my office. What a guy!

We're hoping to learn more today about the tumor(s) and what's to come. But in the meantime I'm focusing on the now and keeping busy. 

NOTE: I'm not affiliated with any of these links and I didn't receive any compensation for sharing their information in any way.