What I need right now

I adore being back at the gym. I feel myself getting stronger every day. I also feel I have more stamina. Something I was seriously lacking before. 

We go to the gym three days a week. I'm slowly increasing the difficulty and pace of what I do. Today was the first day I did a few minutes of stretching and water yoga before I got out. I forgot how good that feels. My back especially needed a good stretch.

 WOMAN POWER!

I'm feeling like a happy, beautiful princess. I love moving my body again. Feeding myself healthy, wholesome foods and of course, my red hair. I have such a "redhead" personality that I feel it really suits me. 

 I love being a redhead

I've been trying to pay close attention to what I need right now. And in the near future.

1) Move as much as I can every day. That's not to say push myself every day. A gentle dog walk or swim is perfect.

2) Avoid sugar and processed foods. They both make me just feel ick.

3) Gently push myself. Like slowly increasing my weights at the pool or staying in the garden a little bit longer. But don't over do it.

4) Eat a high protein, mito friendly short chain fatty acid diet. This is where I feel my best. Fresh foods, no preservative, berries all day every day. I'm like a bear when it comes to fresh berries.

5) Avoid gluten when I can. I feel really bloated and get acid reflux when I eat most gluten foods. I can even get eczema if I have too much of it.

6) Take care of my body. Lotion myself, eye drops three times a day, color or no color on my hair, gentle washing of my beautiful body...

7) Not eating an extreme diet. Like Vegan. That doesn't work for me. Also having a normal size dinner and eating at the table on weekdays. We can eat like slobs on the couch during the weekend. 

8) Eating almost no dairy. Goat and sheep cheese and rarely even that. I've cut wayyyyy back on cheese and I feel better for it.

9) Not obsessively weighing myself. Once a week is more than enough. It's about health and strength. Not numbers.

10) Having my partner and family also doing this with me. Swimming with my mom is so fun. We chat a lot while we work out. My husband is also eating exactly what I'm eating. That's so helpful. I like seeing him get more healthy too.

11) Writing in my journal, blogging, talking about my health, my body, my needs is very therapeutic for me.

12) Replacing ART with mindless eating. Making time during my busy week for art.  

 

Some of my delicious meals lately 

 

Feelin Groovy

My eyes are finally better. It took the eyedrops, ointment and an antibiotic to finally help. Jeeeeze. Something is definitely up with my immune system. But more on that later. 

What I really want to talk about is how great my Vegan diet is going. Here's the thing. I was Vegan for two years solid a very long time ago. My first year in grad school actually. I went Vegan for emotional reasons. Because I love animals and care about their welfare. I also love the planet and I know how harmful factory farm meat production is. 

Oatmeal with pumpkin seeds, flax and pumpkin pie spice.

I also had blueberries, but I took this picture before I added them. 

It was very delicious and filling.

As I said, I was Vegan for two years. Then it just stopped working for me. I was craving meat all the time. I caved and had a burger and then just slid back into a regular American diet.

This time I'm going Vegan for me. Yes, for the animals and planet too. But number one for me. That's my theme this year. Me first.

I don't think my body does well processing animal proteins. I've suspected as much since first going on the "short chain fatty acid" diet where I cut out a ton of animal protein. 

I used AI to help me come up with a meal plan tailored to meet the demands of my mitochondria. Foods that are top tier helpful. Shocker... they're all Vegan. Leafy greens, nuts & seeds and berries.

This was one of my favorite things I've had so far.

Cubed and roasted sweet potatoes on the bottom. Black beans, mixed baby greens, tomatoes, avocado, pumpkin seeds and a simple lemon oil dressing. Delicious!

I wanted to know if I cut out ALL animal protein if my body would do even better?

I'm on week two now. Last week I was down for the count because of my eye. Now I'm on major antibiotics, so it's hard to tell. My energy is about the same, but my muscles do seem better. What has made a huge difference is my stomach feels much better and my bowels are starting to become regular. Again, that could be from the antibiotics too, so I can't say for sure yet. 

I've been drinking a ton of lemon water. 

I replaced my morning coffee with Matcha, honey and oatmilk.

Here I'm having a simple smoothie with pea protein, oat milk, blueberries, a banana and spinach.

Ethically I feel much better. My heart feels lighter. There's so much ugliness in the world right now that I feel strongly about spreading love, peace and compassion anywhere I can. And not contributing to the suffering of animals through thoughtful consumption of not just food, but anything that uses and abuses animals is important to me. Very important.

My treat. Anything above 70% dark cocoa.
This was very delicious. 

I'll report back how or if the Vegan diet is helping my mitochondrial disease symptoms regularly. 

Zepbound Day 1

As I mentioned in a previous blog I'm trying out the new weight loss injection Zepbound. I did my first dose last night before bed. I had some minor nausea, but then I was quickly asleep. 

I was warned by the doctor to be careful with how much fat and fiber I eat. Lots of fiber, very little fat.

Unfortunately my poor stressed out husband just got his labs back and they showed his blood sugars are back in the "diabetic" zone. So now is a very good time for both of us to change our ways. 

For breakfast I made myself a protein shake. In it was...

1 cup of each:
Orange juice
Oat milk
Frozen mixed berries

1 small banana

2 scoops chocolate protein powder

1 scoop of each:
Metamucil
Raw coco powder
Ground flax

Lastly 1/2 a scoop of Collagen (It makes the shake slimy so I can't use much of it.)

It tastes like a chocolate covered strawberry to me. Not bad at all. Just a bit gritty. 

That made 2 pints. I drank one and put the other in the fridge for tomorrow.

With this I'm having "Smooth Move" organic tea for constipation. Yes, herbal tea instead of coffee. I hope all this doesn't give me the opposite problem. Hahah.

Protein shake, tea and water.

I just got a new tattoo, so a lot of protein is important. Same with reducing my calories.

It's chicken salad for dinner. Wish me luck!

My new shark tattoo

Food Addiction

It's very hard for me to pinpoint when food became my drug of choice. It wasn't always so for me. I think it was when my son was first getting diagnosed with Autism and my husband was working incredibly long hours. That feels right. 

When hard things happen to people it's common to form an addiction to cope with the stress. Drinking, drugs, gambling, sex/porn and food can all become addictions. But food is the hardest one to overcome because we can never just stop eating.

Cheers to not over eating. 

Enough "we" and back to "I." I struggle with portion control, eating too infrequently and choosing high calorie foods. I adore fast food, even though I don't have it that often (for an American.) I would happily eat two box's of macaroni and cheese for dinner every night if I just let myself totally indulge. 

A dream day of eating for me with no consequences would be doughnuts for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch and mac n' cheese for dinner with some kind of pie or brownie for dessert. (((GASP!))) Just awful.

I never really had a big sweet tooth until recently. Sugar is absolutely a drug. The more I have the more I want. I think about what I'm going to eat next while I'm eating. I love to watch cooking shows while I eat so I can watch other people eating too. I'm incredibly suggestive to food. If someone even says something like "ice cream" then I'll want it terribly.

This is hard, serious work.

My "serious" face.

I've been fighting my food addiction for about 25 years now. I do well for a little bit, then go right back to what I was doing. The wonderful thing about overcoming something is that you never run out of chances (while you're alive of course. Then, game over.) I don't want to lose weight to conform to some kind of idea of what I should look like. I want to lose weight to hopefully lesson my pain. And because being strong feels really good.

Many members of my family also have food addiction issues. About three generations worth. Those who didn't had other addictions. Is being addicted to something part of being human? Are we just unable to resist temptation? What is that about?

Here's what I did TODAY to help myself and heal myself rather than hurt myself.

• I used my new food tracking app.
• I put my FitBit back on.
• I walked the dogs.
• I played with my dogs.
• I ate thoughtfully and carefully.
• I ate when I was hungry.
• I made a healthy dinner this morning so it's all ready for us. 
• I bought some healthy snacks to try.
• I wrote about my thoughts and feelings.

I know how to feed my dogs.

But it's much harder when it comes to me.

The Dark Underbelly of Meal Planning

I want to try something new with my eating. I want to give meal prep a go. That's the one where you make all your meals and snacks ahead of time, then just eat what is in the pre-portioned out of a cute, little container. I thought it might help me not only lose some weight, but regulate my protein and meals better for my energy and muscles. It's easy for me to forget to eat until I get too hungry, then make bad choices. One of the blessings of having ADD.

I decided I was going to pack ahead for breakfast and lunch, but not dinner. For dinner I would just have a set menu like I usually do.

Breakfast was pretty easy to put together. I put everything into a big bowl, then scooped that into small baby food jars (that I use for my dog's food). That made five breakfasts.

Inside is:

• whole oats (gluten free oatmeal)
• walnut butter & almond butter
• frozen berries
• vanilla protein powder
• ground flax
• honey
  
  
  
  
  

Next up were my snack packs. I'm not a snacker by nature, but I'm working on that. Inside is:

• super baby carrots (the smallest I could find)
• sliced celery hearts
• black bean dip
  (1 can black beans drained and rinsed, oat milk, dried onion flakes, smoked paprika, pepper, salt, pepper flakes, red pepper spice, hot sauce of choice.)

High in protein and super tasty! This is the best way for me to find a short chain fatty acid dip. To make it myself in the food processor.

Now came the hard part. Lunch. My husband and I decided on chicken burrito bowls.

But wait... that's not chicken! Well, turns out I was short on chicken, so two bowls are Vegan with pinto beans instead.

It looks so delicious. What could possibly go wrong?

To start let me say this took about three hours. That's just the lunch. Not the breakfast and snack. And that's with my husband helping by slicing the onion, jalapeños, tomatoes and lettuce. I did the chicken and rice.

I baked the chicken breast in salsa, salt, pepper and a little Tapatio. Then I intended to finish it off in a hot skillet with a bit of walnut oil. Except I was too eager and didn't get the skillet hot enough. Darn. It was still tasty though.

But check this out...

What they don't show you on Pinterest

I had SO MANY DISHES from just the lunch! It was a bit nuts actually. My kitchen was a mess. I did it though and managed to make us each four lunches. I typically have lunch once a week at my mom's, so I didn't need five.

Here's what it is:

• diced onion
• diced cherry tomatoes
• fresh mixed greens
• chicken breast (pinto beans in 2)
• sliced jalapeños
• brown organic rice (cooked in a can of diced tomatoes with green chilies, 1tbsp walnut oil and organic spicy veggie broth.)

That's it! No cheese. 

Both the breakfast and the lunch were delicious. I didn't have my snack today because I got a late start. I had breakfast at 10 and lunch at 2. At 6pm we'll be starting dinner. 

I learned a lot from my first time doing meal prep and planning.

1. It will take a lot of food. Buy double what you think you'll need. I almost didn't have enough and ran out of chicken.
2. Buy the right containers. I was lucky to find great ones my first try, but that's important. Especially for fitting everything into the fridge when done.
3. Clean out your fridge before you make the meals. Make sure you have lots of free space.
4. Have a backup plan in case you run out of an ingredient.
5. Measure to get your portion size correct. For example I used a 1/2 cup for the rice in the burrito bowls.
6. Have someone to help you, or buy things already cut or cooked to save energy and time.
7. Get your skillet super hot to finish off any meat.
8. Have an empty dishwasher. Ha ha.

This is Hard!

 Here's how things stand on me trying to change my eating habits for the better.

1. This shit is REALLY hard!
2. I apparently don't eat enough protein
3. If I ate as much protein as I "should" I would never poop again
4. I'm still eating too large of a dinner
5. I hate thinking about this as much as I am
6. I'm glad I'm tracking with an app because how I think I eat and how I really eat are so far apart you could steer a cattle drive through it (Mmmm... running burgers...)

Here's some of the evidence that my eating isn't consistent even though I think that it is. These are screen grabs from My Fitness Pal, the app that I'm using (no affiliation). 

See! What the hell!? I knew that dinner was my largest meal (typically), but come on!

Ok... so I also have the awareness to know that it has only been a week and that most people suck when trying something new. Apparently eating like this is a skill and like any skill it will take a lot of time and practice to master this.

Now if you'll excuse me I must take a laxative and eat a boiled egg.

Food! Bon Appetite! Get Yo Grub On!

My husband and I are trying to stick more to a Mediterranean style of eating. Heavy on the seafood and veggie, light on the sugar and carbs. Our doctor whole heartedly encourages this and also recommended low salt. Although I don't really want to live forever, I would be happy with less pain, less inflammation and a little less body bulk to heave around. 

I went to our local Trader Joe's with my Mama on Monday. It was the first time I'd been since the quarantine. It felt really good to be able to pick out food for my family myself. That's something I had really been missing.

Here's a small sampling of what we've been enjoying.

Kale and broccoli salad on the left with hot sauce. I learned hot sauce takes away the overly "earthy" flavor that can come from kale. Then some soybean noodles (shockingly good!) with sautéed onions and a little mozzarella cheese. 

Top left is Huli Huli chicken with brown rice. My husband cut it up for me. We had it with a spring mix salad. Top right is the same kale broccoli slaw with my favorite fish - smoked trout! My puppy enjoys the skins too. Bottom left is brown rice with sautéed onions and eggs. I adore eggs and can eat them daily! I had that with avocado and a Honeycrisp apple.

My husband sweetly peels and slices apples for me and knows I like to have them with dinner. Honeycrisp is my favorite. High protein high fat works best for my body. Hence the egg and avocado. Springing for good eggs makes me feel good ethically and it also tastes much better than factory eggs. 

You can see it's not super complicated or expensive. We've been picking up restaurant food once a week both to support our local businesses, but also to give ourselves a break from cooking. Then my Mama also likes to feed us once a week or so. Though I tend to have coffee and lunch with her multiple days a week as well. 

Food is the center of our social world and I'm no different. In fact, food is quite important to me emotionally. It's something I'm constantly working on. 

Plan KA Days 2&3

Plan Kick Ass is going really well. Today I condensed my plan to these 10 steps and put them on my chalkboard in my room as a reminder:

I've been enjoying a simple egg, gluten free toast, herb goat cheese (with fresh herbs) and tomato for breakfast. This morning I had it with two eggs on the side.

Free range, organic, humane, pasture eggs in a tiny bit of avocado oil.

Delicious!

I made it into a breakfast sandwich yesterday with some lavender sea salt on top.

This morning's variation.

We had friends over last night and put out a healthy spread. I indulged in two Ginger Ales (but no booze) and about two tablespoons of "pub cheese" (that I did not buy, but have a hard time saying no to!) Oh yeah, and I put some brown sugar on my strawberries. Other than that it was all very healthy and actually Vegan. It was also my dinner. 

Guest spread

Also a guest appearance by my Sweetie!

So the food choices are going really well. We went to the movies with a friend today and I said "GET THEE BACK SATAN" to movie popcorn and soda. Just had my water and a few raw almonds. Go me! After we went to Chipotle for lunch where I had a salad with pinto beans, grilled veg and corn salsa. No soda and a few chips. No meat, no cheese. No queso dip. GO ME!!!!

You GO GIRL!

I've been pushing myself to walk a lot more. The stretching feels really good in the morning and my husband has been giving me amazing rubs that are also very helpful for my muscles. I'm trying to push myself, but also listen to my body (Rules 1 and 2.)

Tomorrow I'm going to have a morning push and do some gardening. Then relax the rest of the day and get ready for my three day work week. Wish me luck!

Food, Love and Drugs

Friday I saw my regular primary care doctor about the muscle weakness and Plaquenil. We decided that I was going to stop taking it and come back to see him in a week. He's also getting me a new rheumatologist. YAY! I'm thrilled. In the meantime he'll find me some anti-inflammatory medication that will be more helpful than the 800mg Ibuprofen I have been taking. Again... YAY!

This Thursday is also my eye check with the Ophthalmologist. I'm keeping that appointment just to make sure everything's ok and the small time I was on the Plaquenil didn't do any damage (seeing as I did have massive sun sensitivity and retinal after-burn issues.)

My favorite Kombucha.

It's expensive, so I don't get it very often.

I must be part fairy because I love "floral" food and drinks.

In the meantime I'm trying to eat well and take care of myself. I'm also learning I stink at guessing how many calories are in something. Thank goodness for technology and apps so I don't have to guess.

This was last night's dinner. Care to guess how many calories? It's a turkey burger on a gluten free bun (that was awful and I didn't eat), low fat refried bean dip with 1/4 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend and 1 tbsp sour cream. Those are organic corn tortilla chips, about 1 cup. Then we have cast iron skillet sautéed Shishito peppers. Oh yeah, there's also about 1/4 cup cheese curds on the turkey burger patty.

Honestly I would have guessed about 500 calories (without the bun.) Actually it was 900 calories. I would have been off by almost half!

But then my breakfast this morning I would have guessed wrong the other way. I would have thought about 900 calories for what you see here. Nope! More like 300. See!? This is hard!

This wouldn't be a typical breakfast for me. I consider it a "special Sunday brunch" meal. But really it has about the same amount of calories as 2 pieces of avocado toast. I would never have thought that.

And that's why I'm trying to pay close attention and really track my food. Because apparently I have a lot to learn.