Feelin Groovy

My eyes are finally better. It took the eyedrops, ointment and an antibiotic to finally help. Jeeeeze. Something is definitely up with my immune system. But more on that later. 

What I really want to talk about is how great my Vegan diet is going. Here's the thing. I was Vegan for two years solid a very long time ago. My first year in grad school actually. I went Vegan for emotional reasons. Because I love animals and care about their welfare. I also love the planet and I know how harmful factory farm meat production is. 

Oatmeal with pumpkin seeds, flax and pumpkin pie spice.

I also had blueberries, but I took this picture before I added them. 

It was very delicious and filling.

As I said, I was Vegan for two years. Then it just stopped working for me. I was craving meat all the time. I caved and had a burger and then just slid back into a regular American diet.

This time I'm going Vegan for me. Yes, for the animals and planet too. But number one for me. That's my theme this year. Me first.

I don't think my body does well processing animal proteins. I've suspected as much since first going on the "short chain fatty acid" diet where I cut out a ton of animal protein. 

I used AI to help me come up with a meal plan tailored to meet the demands of my mitochondria. Foods that are top tier helpful. Shocker... they're all Vegan. Leafy greens, nuts & seeds and berries.

This was one of my favorite things I've had so far.

Cubed and roasted sweet potatoes on the bottom. Black beans, mixed baby greens, tomatoes, avocado, pumpkin seeds and a simple lemon oil dressing. Delicious!

I wanted to know if I cut out ALL animal protein if my body would do even better?

I'm on week two now. Last week I was down for the count because of my eye. Now I'm on major antibiotics, so it's hard to tell. My energy is about the same, but my muscles do seem better. What has made a huge difference is my stomach feels much better and my bowels are starting to become regular. Again, that could be from the antibiotics too, so I can't say for sure yet. 

I've been drinking a ton of lemon water. 

I replaced my morning coffee with Matcha, honey and oatmilk.

Here I'm having a simple smoothie with pea protein, oat milk, blueberries, a banana and spinach.

Ethically I feel much better. My heart feels lighter. There's so much ugliness in the world right now that I feel strongly about spreading love, peace and compassion anywhere I can. And not contributing to the suffering of animals through thoughtful consumption of not just food, but anything that uses and abuses animals is important to me. Very important.

My treat. Anything above 70% dark cocoa.
This was very delicious. 

I'll report back how or if the Vegan diet is helping my mitochondrial disease symptoms regularly. 

Food Addiction

It's very hard for me to pinpoint when food became my drug of choice. It wasn't always so for me. I think it was when my son was first getting diagnosed with Autism and my husband was working incredibly long hours. That feels right. 

When hard things happen to people it's common to form an addiction to cope with the stress. Drinking, drugs, gambling, sex/porn and food can all become addictions. But food is the hardest one to overcome because we can never just stop eating.

Cheers to not over eating. 

Enough "we" and back to "I." I struggle with portion control, eating too infrequently and choosing high calorie foods. I adore fast food, even though I don't have it that often (for an American.) I would happily eat two box's of macaroni and cheese for dinner every night if I just let myself totally indulge. 

A dream day of eating for me with no consequences would be doughnuts for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch and mac n' cheese for dinner with some kind of pie or brownie for dessert. (((GASP!))) Just awful.

I never really had a big sweet tooth until recently. Sugar is absolutely a drug. The more I have the more I want. I think about what I'm going to eat next while I'm eating. I love to watch cooking shows while I eat so I can watch other people eating too. I'm incredibly suggestive to food. If someone even says something like "ice cream" then I'll want it terribly.

This is hard, serious work.

My "serious" face.

I've been fighting my food addiction for about 25 years now. I do well for a little bit, then go right back to what I was doing. The wonderful thing about overcoming something is that you never run out of chances (while you're alive of course. Then, game over.) I don't want to lose weight to conform to some kind of idea of what I should look like. I want to lose weight to hopefully lesson my pain. And because being strong feels really good.

Many members of my family also have food addiction issues. About three generations worth. Those who didn't had other addictions. Is being addicted to something part of being human? Are we just unable to resist temptation? What is that about?

Here's what I did TODAY to help myself and heal myself rather than hurt myself.

• I used my new food tracking app.
• I put my FitBit back on.
• I walked the dogs.
• I played with my dogs.
• I ate thoughtfully and carefully.
• I ate when I was hungry.
• I made a healthy dinner this morning so it's all ready for us. 
• I bought some healthy snacks to try.
• I wrote about my thoughts and feelings.

I know how to feed my dogs.

But it's much harder when it comes to me.

Meal Planning Follow-Up

There were some good things and some not so good things that went down the week I did meal planning. 

I enjoyed the oatmeal that I made. The protein powder gave it a fake sweetener taste that I did not enjoy however. I don't know why they flavor them with fake stuff like that. Next time I'll just stick to walnut and almond butter as the protein source. 

The lunches were good, but I did tire of them. I confess to not eating one EVERY DAY like I had planned.

I did feel more regulated when it came time to dinner. I wasn't wolfing it down like I usually do.

I still ate high calorie foods on the weekend. Drat. 

It took a ton of time out of my weekend.

I didn't have time to do it this past weekend. We were camping (my first time ever) and I had to recuperate.

I would do it again, but I would change a few things. I would make two different dishes for lunch and alternate. Or the same dish, but a little bit different. Like one vegetarian version and one regular. 

It was helpful to just grab and eat. To not have to think about what I wanted, get overwhelmed and not eat, or eat unhealthily.

My husband said it was very helpful for him to have ready lunches as well.

The Dark Underbelly of Meal Planning

I want to try something new with my eating. I want to give meal prep a go. That's the one where you make all your meals and snacks ahead of time, then just eat what is in the pre-portioned out of a cute, little container. I thought it might help me not only lose some weight, but regulate my protein and meals better for my energy and muscles. It's easy for me to forget to eat until I get too hungry, then make bad choices. One of the blessings of having ADD.

I decided I was going to pack ahead for breakfast and lunch, but not dinner. For dinner I would just have a set menu like I usually do.

Breakfast was pretty easy to put together. I put everything into a big bowl, then scooped that into small baby food jars (that I use for my dog's food). That made five breakfasts.

Inside is:

• whole oats (gluten free oatmeal)
• walnut butter & almond butter
• frozen berries
• vanilla protein powder
• ground flax
• honey
  
  
  
  
  

Next up were my snack packs. I'm not a snacker by nature, but I'm working on that. Inside is:

• super baby carrots (the smallest I could find)
• sliced celery hearts
• black bean dip
  (1 can black beans drained and rinsed, oat milk, dried onion flakes, smoked paprika, pepper, salt, pepper flakes, red pepper spice, hot sauce of choice.)

High in protein and super tasty! This is the best way for me to find a short chain fatty acid dip. To make it myself in the food processor.

Now came the hard part. Lunch. My husband and I decided on chicken burrito bowls.

But wait... that's not chicken! Well, turns out I was short on chicken, so two bowls are Vegan with pinto beans instead.

It looks so delicious. What could possibly go wrong?

To start let me say this took about three hours. That's just the lunch. Not the breakfast and snack. And that's with my husband helping by slicing the onion, jalapeños, tomatoes and lettuce. I did the chicken and rice.

I baked the chicken breast in salsa, salt, pepper and a little Tapatio. Then I intended to finish it off in a hot skillet with a bit of walnut oil. Except I was too eager and didn't get the skillet hot enough. Darn. It was still tasty though.

But check this out...

What they don't show you on Pinterest

I had SO MANY DISHES from just the lunch! It was a bit nuts actually. My kitchen was a mess. I did it though and managed to make us each four lunches. I typically have lunch once a week at my mom's, so I didn't need five.

Here's what it is:

• diced onion
• diced cherry tomatoes
• fresh mixed greens
• chicken breast (pinto beans in 2)
• sliced jalapeños
• brown organic rice (cooked in a can of diced tomatoes with green chilies, 1tbsp walnut oil and organic spicy veggie broth.)

That's it! No cheese. 

Both the breakfast and the lunch were delicious. I didn't have my snack today because I got a late start. I had breakfast at 10 and lunch at 2. At 6pm we'll be starting dinner. 

I learned a lot from my first time doing meal prep and planning.

1. It will take a lot of food. Buy double what you think you'll need. I almost didn't have enough and ran out of chicken.
2. Buy the right containers. I was lucky to find great ones my first try, but that's important. Especially for fitting everything into the fridge when done.
3. Clean out your fridge before you make the meals. Make sure you have lots of free space.
4. Have a backup plan in case you run out of an ingredient.
5. Measure to get your portion size correct. For example I used a 1/2 cup for the rice in the burrito bowls.
6. Have someone to help you, or buy things already cut or cooked to save energy and time.
7. Get your skillet super hot to finish off any meat.
8. Have an empty dishwasher. Ha ha.

This is Hard!

 Here's how things stand on me trying to change my eating habits for the better.

1. This shit is REALLY hard!
2. I apparently don't eat enough protein
3. If I ate as much protein as I "should" I would never poop again
4. I'm still eating too large of a dinner
5. I hate thinking about this as much as I am
6. I'm glad I'm tracking with an app because how I think I eat and how I really eat are so far apart you could steer a cattle drive through it (Mmmm... running burgers...)

Here's some of the evidence that my eating isn't consistent even though I think that it is. These are screen grabs from My Fitness Pal, the app that I'm using (no affiliation). 

See! What the hell!? I knew that dinner was my largest meal (typically), but come on!

Ok... so I also have the awareness to know that it has only been a week and that most people suck when trying something new. Apparently eating like this is a skill and like any skill it will take a lot of time and practice to master this.

Now if you'll excuse me I must take a laxative and eat a boiled egg.

Food! Bon Appetite! Get Yo Grub On!

My husband and I are trying to stick more to a Mediterranean style of eating. Heavy on the seafood and veggie, light on the sugar and carbs. Our doctor whole heartedly encourages this and also recommended low salt. Although I don't really want to live forever, I would be happy with less pain, less inflammation and a little less body bulk to heave around. 

I went to our local Trader Joe's with my Mama on Monday. It was the first time I'd been since the quarantine. It felt really good to be able to pick out food for my family myself. That's something I had really been missing.

Here's a small sampling of what we've been enjoying.

Kale and broccoli salad on the left with hot sauce. I learned hot sauce takes away the overly "earthy" flavor that can come from kale. Then some soybean noodles (shockingly good!) with sautéed onions and a little mozzarella cheese. 

Top left is Huli Huli chicken with brown rice. My husband cut it up for me. We had it with a spring mix salad. Top right is the same kale broccoli slaw with my favorite fish - smoked trout! My puppy enjoys the skins too. Bottom left is brown rice with sautéed onions and eggs. I adore eggs and can eat them daily! I had that with avocado and a Honeycrisp apple.

My husband sweetly peels and slices apples for me and knows I like to have them with dinner. Honeycrisp is my favorite. High protein high fat works best for my body. Hence the egg and avocado. Springing for good eggs makes me feel good ethically and it also tastes much better than factory eggs. 

You can see it's not super complicated or expensive. We've been picking up restaurant food once a week both to support our local businesses, but also to give ourselves a break from cooking. Then my Mama also likes to feed us once a week or so. Though I tend to have coffee and lunch with her multiple days a week as well. 

Food is the center of our social world and I'm no different. In fact, food is quite important to me emotionally. It's something I'm constantly working on. 

Prepping for the week

Meal shopping and prepping is something my husband and I (mostly) do together. Our town has a magnificent farmer's market that we try to go to on Saturday mornings. We stock up on eggs, fresh fruits and veg and occasionally cheese and meat there. 

I try to be careful where my dairy and meat is sourced from and there's a fantastic Scottish family farmer that we love. His eggs are beyond compare, each one tasting like golden love. (I received no kick back for this endorsement, but wouldn't say no to some free eggs.)

My husband has taken to doing almost all the meal prep for the week. He'll fill up all our water jugs then sauté up a giant batch of peppers and onions. We use them on almost anything, but have especially been enjoying veggie fajitas. 



I try and boil eggs for the week (for a work snack) and prepare my lunches ahead of time. This week is a delicious veggie, gluten free pasta salad with fresh herbs and veg from our trip to the farmers market. Delicious! (please read this in the voice of Gordon Ramsay.)

Hummus, bananas and yogurt are also a must have for the week. 

Aside from all this delicious grab-and-go food I like to make sure I'm also mentally prepared for the week. My job is very intense, emotionally charged and can be draining, so every little thing I can do to relax and re-set is very helpful. This means having clean clothes, taking a big nap, not taking on any big activities and feeling physically ready. 

Sometimes that looks like giving myself a facial or taking a bath (if my muscles are doing well enough to get in and out of the tub like that.) This week I got my nails done in a fun "out there" style that I've never done before.

Dragon Eye Nails

My husband and I also come up with a meal plan so we know what to make when we're tired and groggy after a long day. We try and cook together, but some nights all I can manage is keeping him company while he cooks. Just like with grocery shopping. We occasionally go together, but other days (like today) he runs off with a list we made to do the leg work.

I'm adjusting slowly to doing what I can when I can and saving energy for the really important things. It still isn't easy. But having bitchen nails does help.

Plan Kick Ass Week 1

Plan KA Day 1

As I said in my previous post, I am re-committing to PLAN KICK ASS to better my health. Here's how day one went down. In the words of my husband "You crushed it!"

My lunch was high good fats and high protein. Three scrambled eggs with mushrooms, onion and peppers all served up like an open face omelet. No gluten free bread and no cheese. It was delicious and kept me feeling full fo a very long time.

Dinner was very veg heavy. My amazing husband planned, bought and made these beautiful sweet stuffed peppers. I made the brown rice and salad with tomatoes and cucumbers.

I don't have the spoons to make my own salad dressing, but this is the BEST Italian vinaigrette I've found. 

Every morning I still indulge in my wonderful cup of Java. I'm not ready to give that up yet, but I am trying to make that my only sugar for the day. I'm also cutting out cheese except for Goat because it's very low in calories, high in protein, full of good fat and Goats are treated better in my country than dairy cows. So that's just a win all around. My husband minces fresh herbs in it and OH MY! It's amazing.

My snacks have been fresh fruit and these bulk bin beauties. Raw almonds.

We were eating a name brand's "Smokehouse" almonds until I looked at the ingredients. Ack! Always look at the ingredients.

As far as pushing myself physically went, I seriously took that to heart. I walked my puppy girl by myself around the block (a really big deal for me), did about 3 loads of dishes, 5 or so loads of laundry, scrubbed out shower/tub, cleaned the bathroom and tidied up. I laid down for a bit, but honestly felt too full of energy to sleep! 

My body did really well till around 6PM. Then my muscles went into revolt. Cramps and soreness kicked up, but I expected it.

I like Friday to be my "big push" day because then I have the weekend to pull back a little bit.

So far, I'm really glad I made this change. My husband is 100% on board and being really supportive and amazing. GO PLAN KICK ASS!!!

Intense Week

Help Me Jesus!

That's what my Nana used to always say when she'd get stressed. Well, this week was for sure a "Help Me Jesus" kind of week. 

1. It was my first week working 30 hours. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday all 10 hour days. I DID IT! I survived. Although I slept for about 15 hours yesterday to recover. But that's ok. Point is I did it.
2. I cleared my foot MRI. Now we know there's no sign of RA damage in my hands or feet. YAY!
3. I went through 2 MRI's in one week. Today's was a brain MRI. I didn't mind though because I'm seriously ready for some answers about this muscle weakness. I hope to get some soon. (Because I'm a sucker like that and always hopeful.)
4. I have an appointment with the wheelchair sales rep. Apparently they come to your house, measure you and tell you all about your chair options. This is a whole confusing new world that I have many emotions about. Sadness, grief, excitement, happiness, relief. It's a giant emotional stew.
5. I'm in love with my new medical case manager. She's seriously the best. Like a medical fairy godmother. Now while I'm at work she's following up on things for me and cracking skulls, making things happen and forcing them to happen faster. Thank goodness!
6. My son quit his job of 5 years. That was a bit shocking and worrying. 
7. I had a epiphany to let things go that I can't control (see number 6.)
8. My muscle strength and muscle fatigue got a little worse this week.
9. I learned my job is taking everyone to Hawaii in January.
10. I went back to church.

To celebrate my 8th MRI I had my husband take this picture of me with the statue at our medical center that has become a home away from home. It was more of a joke as it was Saturday and no one was around. Again, humor is everything!

Even though I'll be getting a chair soon, I'm sure I'll still use Meg most of the time. What would I do without her? She's my BFF.

I did learn however that I can't get that beautiful turquoise "Fold and Go" chair that I had my eye on. My insurance doesn't contract with them. But I'm confident that whatever I get will be what was meant to be (and I'm sure I'll think of the perfect name when I see her.) And if I hate the color I read about some people taking their chairs into auto painters who paint it for them. Hmmmm...

Planning for the work week is KEY! This is my go-to lunch. Some gluten free seed heavy crackers, low fat Italian salami, grapes and boiled egg. My work also has snack cheese available for us to munch on, so that's a welcome addition. 

This week I was craving rice krispy treats. My husband made me some that used chocolate krispies. YUM! I enjoyed them all week. See!

Here I was enjoying it while doing paperwork. It tasted like love and kept me going through the day. 

This week I also modified my office a bit for safety. Like taping this throw rug down. Aside from needing it down for Meg and my office chair, I like my space to be the best ADA space it can be for others. I didn't want anyone to trip. Problem solved!

Going to church on Sunday was nice. I told my husband I enjoy having a dedicated time and space to sit with my thoughts and meditate. I often have helpful realizations about my life when I'm there and things I can do differently. This Sunday was no exception. 

Now I'm waiting on the brain MRI results and processing my feelings about the chair. And napping. There's never enough time for naps. 

Food, Love and Drugs

Friday I saw my regular primary care doctor about the muscle weakness and Plaquenil. We decided that I was going to stop taking it and come back to see him in a week. He's also getting me a new rheumatologist. YAY! I'm thrilled. In the meantime he'll find me some anti-inflammatory medication that will be more helpful than the 800mg Ibuprofen I have been taking. Again... YAY!

This Thursday is also my eye check with the Ophthalmologist. I'm keeping that appointment just to make sure everything's ok and the small time I was on the Plaquenil didn't do any damage (seeing as I did have massive sun sensitivity and retinal after-burn issues.)

My favorite Kombucha.

It's expensive, so I don't get it very often.

I must be part fairy because I love "floral" food and drinks.

In the meantime I'm trying to eat well and take care of myself. I'm also learning I stink at guessing how many calories are in something. Thank goodness for technology and apps so I don't have to guess.

This was last night's dinner. Care to guess how many calories? It's a turkey burger on a gluten free bun (that was awful and I didn't eat), low fat refried bean dip with 1/4 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend and 1 tbsp sour cream. Those are organic corn tortilla chips, about 1 cup. Then we have cast iron skillet sautéed Shishito peppers. Oh yeah, there's also about 1/4 cup cheese curds on the turkey burger patty.

Honestly I would have guessed about 500 calories (without the bun.) Actually it was 900 calories. I would have been off by almost half!

But then my breakfast this morning I would have guessed wrong the other way. I would have thought about 900 calories for what you see here. Nope! More like 300. See!? This is hard!

This wouldn't be a typical breakfast for me. I consider it a "special Sunday brunch" meal. But really it has about the same amount of calories as 2 pieces of avocado toast. I would never have thought that.

And that's why I'm trying to pay close attention and really track my food. Because apparently I have a lot to learn.