Addicted

I've recently been trying to learn as much as I can about my disease. Science is an ever changing, ever evolving beast. Especially when it comes to mitochondrial functioning and its role in multiple disorders.

One thing that stood out to me was the emphasis on sleep. How getting a good night's sleep is vital to good immunity and mitochondrial health. To say I don't get good sleep is an understatement. But that's in big part due to my phone. It is glued to my hand from the time I hit the sheets till around 2AM. Not healthy at all.

She doesn't look like a siren, but she is!

So last night I decided I'm changing that bad habit. I made my bed all nice, turned off all of the lights. Even my little nightlight and closed my eyes to sleep.

The urge to pick up my phone was insane. Partly due to my ADD brain wanting to look things up, add something to my Target cart, or check in with people I don't even know. Damn. I am completely addicted and I didn't even realize it.

"You knowwwww you want to shop. I bet someone is having a saaaaaaale"

It felt exactly like when I left Facebook for good about eight years ago now. I deleted my account and that was that. I didn't notice how much it had tentacled into every facet of my life until I quit cold turkey. I felt a physical pull to get back on it that was terrifying. I had been so completely addicted to it and I didn't even know it.

The fact that last night was so incredibly hard for me and that I felt that same magnetic pull to get on my phone just validated that I did the right thing. And just like Facebook, I didn't realize that I was addicted. I thought it was a preference or something I enjoyed. Not that I would feel the loss like a tooth pulled.

"I bet that comment you left is up to 5K likes now. What's your friend in Australia doing? I bet she's up."

I stayed off of it and fell asleep after a restless 30-45 minutes. Not bad. And I slept very well. Hmmmm. Coincidence? 

Oh yes. I also read a real book for the first time in ages. Bridgerton. The first one. Saucy. I felt like someone from Little House on the Prairie. Laying in bed reading. Wow! What a novel idea. Something I did all the time before the iPhone. 

Sleep

I rarely sleep well on my own. Usually pain keeps me awake till the wee hours in the morning when I finally succumb. What did people with insomnia do before smart phones? Watch TV I guess.

Typically I take one Tylenol and one Tylenol PM. If I take two PM I'll sleep all through the next day too. I'm very sensitive. That's usually enough to dull my pain so I can sleep. The down side is aspirin is very constipating. So is many of the other medications I'm on. You see the problem. 

I take Lyrica and Cymbalta for my pain. Lyrica helps with my "stocking glove neuropathy" that is especially bad at night. Cymbalta helps with my all over muscle pain. The two together are barely enough to keep my pain down to a 4-6 level. Meaning below "grit my teeth and pant while wishing for sweet death" level. I feel it's there every second of the day. I'm never not in pain.

This leads to fatigue. Pain is very exhausting. When I don't sleep well on top of that it just makes everything much worse.

I still get tired around mid-day and give in to my urge to "rest." Although typically I only rest for two hours. It used to be around four (before I changed to a mostly short chain fatty acid diet.) I sometimes don't rest at all, but it's rare. 

I am happy to report that I no longer suffer from the daytime crushing fatigue that I used to get. It was horrible. The kind where I just couldn't stay awake and would instantly crash out the second my head hit the pillow. Like a mini death or coma. Not sleep.

Looking back I have always been a tired person. Even a tired kid. I would fall asleep at school all the time. At my desk. I'd be caught drooling or snoring. I would sleep walk and talk. I remember waking up a lot. I've also always had a very busy sleep. Tons and tons of dreams. Not restful feeling sleep hardly ever. My mother was the same. Even my great-grandmother would sleep walk and talk.

My grandmother would take over the counter sleeping pills frequently. I don't blame her at all.

My son also sleeps terrible. He always has since he was a boy. We have a saga of crappy sleep. I'm just happy my lifestyle allows me to sleep in frequently and rest during the day as much as I need. Not many people have that luxury.

Hello Body! Nice to Meet You!

This is the third week my mother and I have been going to our new gym. We have been trying to go five days a week and making it four. Something always seems to come up once a week. So far that "something" has been me feeling ill.

When we joined the gym we were give two free sessions with one of their trainers. That's pretty typical for around here. My guy was great. He's a pro boxer very into fitness. I told him my story and he was amazed. Then he had me do 60 squats. 

Punching things is FUN!

I had on my knee brace to help support my larger, painful knee. So I thought all was good and I could do anything he told me to with zero problems. It went down a bit like this. We spent a lovely 45 minutes together with him taking me from machine to machine lifting between 40-20lbs. I pushed myself HARD and did it all. I was even rewarded with him declaring me "feisty" when I tried to jump the gun on a few seconds of rest to do more. That's my nature. I push. 

Also... I like impressing people. I enjoy finding my limits physically. And as I told him. "It feels good to have some pain that I'm causing. Not that's happening TO me and that I have no control over." The results? Basically my body heard me say that and went "You like pain lady? Here's some pain for you!" 

Uh oh. I over did it BIG TIME! I mean "want to scream just trying to sit down on the toilet" level of over doing it. 

At first I felt mad at the trainer for pushing me so hard. I mean, he SHOULD have known better, right? Wrong. The person who pushed so hard was me. I was the one who should have known better. I should have been listening to those pain signals and realized I was going to be in a world of trouble if I didn't reign it in. It's my body. It's me.

Not even the hot tub could save me from this poor choice.

In my defence, I'm still getting to know... well... me! And I'm naturally "feisty" and a limit pusher. I tend to go in whole hog, then pull back later. That's just my nature. I'm not a "dip my toe in the water" type of person. Hence that often leading to injury.

So here I am two days later still in a lot of pain. Last night before bed I took: 1 prescription muscle relaxer, 3 Ibuprophen, 2 Acetaminophen and when that didn't work finally a CBD/THC gummy. Then I was able to get to sleep. Lesson learned. I want to/need to get used to pulling back and listening more to my body signals. 

Painsomnia

Painsomnia is when you're in too much pain to sleep. I've had a nasty head cold lately (and a beauty of a cold sore) and when I'm sick my body pain level usually skyrockets. The last few nights I've been in bed trying everything I can to get to sleep. Night time cold medicine, Ibuprofen PM... nothing seems to help.

When my pain gets this bad I usually just try and distract myself into a state of ultra sleepiness by messing around on my iPhone. Pinterest is my go-to. I found myself doing some last minute Christmas shopping last night. "Design Home" is my favorite app. I've played it for years. I find it relaxing and a fun way to unwind. 

If I'm getting busy brain or feeling worried looking at animal "pins" or humor is helpful. Baby animals cure everything. 

My sweet girl is also helpful. 

I can't force sleep. She will come when she's ready. Bottom line is I'm lucky to not have to get up and go to work on only a few hours sleep. It really screws me up. If I'm up late with painsomnia I feel super dizzy and foggy headed the next day. I will also likely have a migraine. 

I'm lucky not to have this happen every night, but it does seem to happen back to back nights when it does come up. Being sick with a bug is almost always a guarantee that it will happen. It also seriously affects my mood. Bah Humbug!