Sleep

I rarely sleep well on my own. Usually pain keeps me awake till the wee hours in the morning when I finally succumb. What did people with insomnia do before smart phones? Watch TV I guess.

Typically I take one Tylenol and one Tylenol PM. If I take two PM I'll sleep all through the next day too. I'm very sensitive. That's usually enough to dull my pain so I can sleep. The down side is aspirin is very constipating. So is many of the other medications I'm on. You see the problem. 

I take Lyrica and Cymbalta for my pain. Lyrica helps with my "stocking glove neuropathy" that is especially bad at night. Cymbalta helps with my all over muscle pain. The two together are barely enough to keep my pain down to a 4-6 level. Meaning below "grit my teeth and pant while wishing for sweet death" level. I feel it's there every second of the day. I'm never not in pain.

This leads to fatigue. Pain is very exhausting. When I don't sleep well on top of that it just makes everything much worse.

I still get tired around mid-day and give in to my urge to "rest." Although typically I only rest for two hours. It used to be around four (before I changed to a mostly short chain fatty acid diet.) I sometimes don't rest at all, but it's rare. 

I am happy to report that I no longer suffer from the daytime crushing fatigue that I used to get. It was horrible. The kind where I just couldn't stay awake and would instantly crash out the second my head hit the pillow. Like a mini death or coma. Not sleep.

Looking back I have always been a tired person. Even a tired kid. I would fall asleep at school all the time. At my desk. I'd be caught drooling or snoring. I would sleep walk and talk. I remember waking up a lot. I've also always had a very busy sleep. Tons and tons of dreams. Not restful feeling sleep hardly ever. My mother was the same. Even my great-grandmother would sleep walk and talk.

My grandmother would take over the counter sleeping pills frequently. I don't blame her at all.

My son also sleeps terrible. He always has since he was a boy. We have a saga of crappy sleep. I'm just happy my lifestyle allows me to sleep in frequently and rest during the day as much as I need. Not many people have that luxury.

Shiny New Life

What does one do with a shiny new life?

I feel nothing like I did. I think I was mostly dead. Just barely able to do things. To engage. To have a life. I am stunned at how different I feel. And how horrid I was before. Honestly, I have no idea how I was even getting out of bed. The difference is almost incomparable to how I feel now.

Is this what a full battery feels like? A full drawer of spoons? I feel energized. Reborn.

So what comes next?

I'm still building up my strength and stamina. It is going very well. I've been walking and gardening quite a bit. Sweating hard all day every day. That's a good start.

But also coming out of this horrible nightmarish fog is my brain. My brilliant buzzing little mind. It's able to get some nutrition again and the neurons and firing once more. And I'm a little bit bored.

I had the fantastic idea today that I could volunteer in my community. Just a little bit. It would be fun, interesting and a good way to get back into the habit of working. It is a wonderful feeling knowing you can do anything you want. I love animals, so I started searching for something in my town with animals that needed volunteers.

I came up our local raptor center. I adore raptors, especially vultures. This idea excited me. I gave them a call to see if they needed volunteers. They do and now I'm signed up for a volunteer information night. I am a woman of action.

The idea of helping out there excites me. Even if it's just cleaning cages. Getting to be that close to raptors, maybe even touch or feed one has me giddy! I'm so glad I thought of it.

Needless to say I feel like my energy is strong enough to handle something small like this. My future is looking so bright, but I'm not looking away. I'm diving in.