Shiny New Life

What does one do with a shiny new life?

I feel nothing like I did. I think I was mostly dead. Just barely able to do things. To engage. To have a life. I am stunned at how different I feel. And how horrid I was before. Honestly, I have no idea how I was even getting out of bed. The difference is almost incomparable to how I feel now.

Is this what a full battery feels like? A full drawer of spoons? I feel energized. Reborn.

So what comes next?

I'm still building up my strength and stamina. It is going very well. I've been walking and gardening quite a bit. Sweating hard all day every day. That's a good start.

But also coming out of this horrible nightmarish fog is my brain. My brilliant buzzing little mind. It's able to get some nutrition again and the neurons and firing once more. And I'm a little bit bored.

I had the fantastic idea today that I could volunteer in my community. Just a little bit. It would be fun, interesting and a good way to get back into the habit of working. It is a wonderful feeling knowing you can do anything you want. I love animals, so I started searching for something in my town with animals that needed volunteers.

I came up our local raptor center. I adore raptors, especially vultures. This idea excited me. I gave them a call to see if they needed volunteers. They do and now I'm signed up for a volunteer information night. I am a woman of action.

The idea of helping out there excites me. Even if it's just cleaning cages. Getting to be that close to raptors, maybe even touch or feed one has me giddy! I'm so glad I thought of it.

Needless to say I feel like my energy is strong enough to handle something small like this. My future is looking so bright, but I'm not looking away. I'm diving in.

Nothing Short of a Miracle

Hello!

Long time no see.

Why not?

Because I just didn't have the energy.

A few months ago just the simple act of showering or dressing for the day was leaving me exhausted. My "afternoon rest time" was more of a coma that would last 4-4 1/2 hours each day. I had just enough energy to bathe daily and try to spend time with people I loved. That's it. And things felt like they were just getting worse from there. I lived in fear of becoming bed bound.

I reached out to my muscular neurologist in a last "Hail Mary" plea. I let her know my fears and how bad things had become. She had one last suggestion that we hadn't tried yet. A new drug being used to treat muscular diseases (*off label) called Amantadine.

I started Amantadine about six weeks ago. The difference was immediate and drastic. I would call it a miracle. It immediately gave me more energy than I'd had in about five years. Not only that, but it helped decrease my vertigo symptoms as well. Something nothing else had been able to do, even Botox.

Then something even more fantastic happened. My "rest time" decreased to an average of two hours. I gained back 14 hours of my life per week. That is so amazing that I can't even express it. That's like all of the Harry Potter movies every week's worth of time.

Also what changed was that energy translated to more muscle strength. Even though it didn't help my muscles directly... having more energy meant I could accomplish more in a day, which often required muscles. Like cleaning, gardening, fixing my hair, putting on makeup. Things that before I had very little energy for I could now do back to back to back. Laundry, cooking, playing with my dog. You get the idea. All requiring muscle strength and stamina. So the more I did, the stronger my muscles became and I had a little more stamina each time.

And now the HUGE news.

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in five years.

I walked my dog around the block using just my cane.

Yup. It felt like I had just climbed Mt. Everest. I was elated. 

I called my husband right away and he was just as excited as I was and so proud of me for pushing myself.

So yes, I still have my muscle disease. I haven't been "cured." But I have a huge chunk of my life back. I hope to continue to build on this. I will gently push myself and listen close to my body. I'm still down 30lbs from where I was last year, which is another thing to be proud of. No easy accomplishment. Any of it. 

I'm proud that I asked for help. That I communicated what was going on with me to my medical team. That I listened and was always open and willing to try new things. And that I'm fortunate enough to have good medical care! I feel lucky, resilient and determined. 

(I received no incentive to write this. Amantadine is also called Gocavori. Here's more information about it if you're curious. I don't have Parkinson's, but it still helps me.)

*"Off-label" means the medication is being used in a manner not specified in the FDA's approved packaging label, or insert. Every prescription drug marketed in the U.S. carries an individual, FDA-approved label. This label is a written report that provides detailed instructions regarding the approved uses and doses, which are based on the results of clinical studies that the drug maker submitted to the FDA

Mermaid Time is Here!

FINALLY!!! IT HAPPENED!!! I'm the luckiest mermaid ever.

The swimming pool at my Mama's senior community opened up. The water is perfection. She and I couldn't wait to get to use the pool in her beautiful neighborhood. Covid delayed our anticipated dip, but it also made us all the more eager to be the first ones in.

I adore swimming. I always have. I feel most at home in any body of water. That's why when my muscle disease came into my life two years ago I told people "I'm just turning into a mermaid!" I always knew I was one.

Water is also the very best way for me to get exercise. It's supportive and safe on my muscles. Like all things though I have to be very cautious not to do too much. Which is exactly what happened on the first day we swam. I learned however and adjusted. Now I have two pool noodles. I stick one under each arm and try to just move my hands, torso and legs. Not so much my arms.

The hardest part of swimming is getting out. Not that I don't want to get out (but that too), it's because my body then feels to weigh about 1,000 pounds. It's a serious strain and very challenging, but I just go slow. Even if the pool had a wheelchair lift I don't think I'd use it (*yet). It's a good workout just getting in and out.

In fact... putting my suit on, getting to the pool, unhooking my wheelchair, getting in, swimming, getting out, drying off, getting my suit off, taking a shower, getting dressed again is about 99% of my spoons for the day. It's a serious workout for my body. But it's also one I'll enjoy doing for as long as I can.

Guarding my spoons

I love "spoon theory". As a visual person I can relate to energy being represented by spoons. Lately I've been learning how to guard my spoons better.

For example, if I have to take something to the back of my house (even though it's not that far) I'm learning to leave it on the table until I have more than one thing to go back. A big one that has been helping me lately is when I have to get up and down out of a chair.

If I need to do something that will require me to get up physically, more and more I will ask someone else in my home to do it for me (if they're around), or again wait until I have multiple things I need to do (like I have to pee AND I'll switch the laundry AND get myself more water). This does not come naturally to me. At all.

Did I mention this doesn't come naturally to me? I'm a multitasker for sure, but listening to my body and adjusting what I'm doing based on my what my body needs is incredibly hard. And I'm guessing that's not just for me, but for a lot of people.

I've noticed that now my spoons are now more dedicated to smaller things. 

One year ago 1 spoon would go to taking a shower and getting ready for the day. Now it's more like 1 for showering, 1 for putting on a bra, 1 for putting on makeup, 1 for the rest of my clothes, 1 for fixing my hair... which makes me much more selective about what I choose to do (not go around naked) and not do (wrangle on a bra every time). 

For me this is a huge part of learning day by day how to live with my chronic illness. Paying attention to what I can do that day, that moment and what's worth my spoons. 

What I'm Into Lately

Rather than go on about my symptoms right now (many) or how I'm feeling (shitty) I thought it would be fun to talk about things that I'm into right now. New things. Things that keep me going and fill me with joy.

1. Puzzles: My husband and I started doing this last December and have been going strong all year. I can manage it sitting and focusing on such a small thing is really doable for me. I can also do it as long or as short as I want.
2. Records: I bought myself a record player after wanting one all year. I still have zero records though. Hahah! But I really like the idea of listening to records instead of watching TV.
   
   
   
   My new record player - minus the record. 
3. Socks: Fun socks just make me smile. My recent acquisitions include Wonder Woman and Grover. I have a rainbow striped pair that I call "my happy socks" that never fail to cheer me up instantly.
4. Pajamas: All things soft and snuggly. I'm embracing my comfort needs with clothes that feel like blankets.
5. Blankets: Can't have enough of them. Seriously. Never enough soft blankets of all sizes and colors.
6. Wood Burning: I bought a simple wood burning kit to try. I thought I could make cool, cheap Christmas gifts with them. We'll see if I ever get enough spoons to be able to give it an actual try, but I'm hopeful!
   Funky!
7. Acrylic Painting: I used to paint a lot and was quite good at it. I have a painting in mind that I want to do and a great canvas. Now I just need the spoons.
8. Redecorating: Putting up Christmas decorations makes me very happy.
   
   
9. Family Pictures: I've been updating my family pictures. I have one wall of just myself, my husband and our son, then a hallway full of family photos. I enjoy keeping them up to date. They help me remember all the fun we have and the people who care about me.
   
   
   
   Play it grandpa!
10. Re-Arranging My House: This has been a big one lately. My bedroom was pretty sparse compared to the rest of my house, despite my spending a lot of time in it. I also had another room all set up for work and getting ready for work. Both were seriously depressing me. I turned my "work" room into more of a library and we've been fixing up our bedroom so that it's useful AND fun. Both of these things have been hugely helping me transition from working to being home. I need my environment to reflect my needs or I get very depressed.

Now I just need to save my fun money to get some records to play! I'm looking forward to it.

The Current Plan

I haven't been talking about RA much lately. The Cymbalta I've been on has really cut down my joint pain (and helped my mood to boot!) My symptoms had seriously decreased till the last few days. For me stress = flare. Fortunately this time it's a small one. I know what to do. Wear my compression gloves and take my foot off the gas of productivity and rest rest rest. That's the plan for today.

My Rheumatologist isn't treating my RA until neurology is done with me and I think that's going to be a while. He's not sure if my sudden muscle weakness and muscle fatigue is connected at all to my autoimmune system, or if it's something neurological. So this means I'm in some kind of strange limbo with my neurology team running endless tests to try and find a cause. So far, nada. Although they did find my brain tumor, so I feel a bit rude nagging them.

Here's where I'm at so far in all this "chronic illness" health mess that is now my life:

• Next Tuesday - My first full brain MRI post-tumor removal
• Next Thursday - My first electric wheelchair is coming
• Monday November 5th - My first day back at work
• Wednesday November 7th - My 2nd follow up with my neurosurgeon (my husband also leaves for a 3 day business trip. SADNESS!!!)
• Wednesday November 14th - The long awaited EMG on my muscles with neurology
• Wednesday November 21st - I meet with the head of neurology in hopes he has some new ideas

Did you catch that I also work? And apparently I'm supposed to do that AND all these appointments every... single... week... Can you read my frustration between the lines?

Honestly I wanted to quit after the EMG and be done with neurology. But my husband made a very good point. He said "This isn't a wrong order at Carl's Jr that you just shrug and take anyway. It's a major health problem and we need to do everything we can to get to the bottom of it." He's totally right (of course.) I'm just exhausted with all this and I don't know how long I'm supposed to keep on going with these endless tests and appointments? 

When you struggle with chronic illness, any illness, it's impossible not to have it just take over your life. My life has changed completely from what is was even just 9 months ago. I have to constantly gage my energy, spoons and ability and that alone is exhausting. Add my job and then, you know, important relationships and I'm spread very thin. As Bilbo Baggins said in the Fellowship of the Rings "I'm tired Gandalf, like butter scraped over too much bread." Word Bilbo. All the feels!

What Saves Me Spoons (and makes life easier!)

I've posted in the past about the things that make my day-to-day life a bit easier. But I'm always finding and trying new things, so I wanted to share my latest spoon savers.

#1) My Panasonic Wet/Dry electric shaver.

I used to use a typical razor in the shower and shave my 6'0 legs. The thought of that now just cracks me up! No way could I stand balanced in the shower and hand shave any part of me. Enter my wonderful, precious shaver. I use it dry about once or twice a week (despite my Italian heritage insisting I use it 5x a day at a minimum.) I use it while seated and as comfortable as I can be. You could however also use it with a shower chair wet in the shower. I just find for me that it works better when I'm dry (and let's face it, just showering is spoon sucking enough as it is!)

#2) Having super short "boy" hair that's my natural color.
I've had very short hair for a while now, but I keep getting it cut even shorter. The reason for that is 2 fold. 1 - My arms tire very quickly when raised up over my head (shampooing, conditioning, blow drying, styling) and having ultra short hair cuts that time WAY down. 2 - I'm growing out my color. Why? Although I love the look of dark hair (Yas Wonder Woman!) I hate the chemicals and maintenance. And again in comes the arm strength issue. I'm embracing my silver strands, but I hate the "two tone" look, so I keep getting it cut as short as I can bare. Which is pretty freaking short!

Me literally right now as I write this blog.

Yup... it's THAT short.

#3) Single serving and pre-made foods.

Yes, you pay more. And yeah... it's worth it! At least for me. I save a lot of spoons in the morning if instead of getting the gluten free bread out of the fridge, putting it in the toaster, finding a ripe avocado, cutting it up, spreading it on my toast, adding pepper flake and sea salt (because I'm fancy like that) I just open up (or even better have my husband open it for me) a small cup of my favorite yogurt. Add a banana and BINGO! Low spoon breakfast. Seriously anything I can do to save energy is worth it in the mornings. 

My favorite brand and flavor. 

If you haven't tried Icelandic yogurt, I highly recommend it!

#4) A HUGE capacity washer and dryer.

Less time back and forth = less energy used. I just bought a massive 5 cubic feet GE washer. I think my old one was 3.5? This one fits a whole basket in 1 load and was worth every penny. I wish someone would have told me that a big washer would save me energy and time. I would have traded my old one in sooner.

Mine is a GE 5-cu ft High Efficiency Washer.

You don't even have to clean the lint trap!

#5) Mobility Aides.

Although these are further down on the list they're the most important tools I have. All of them help me save major spoons, help with pain and allow me to do things I couldn't otherwise do. Hopefully soon I can add "electric wheelchair" to this list. But for now it's enough to get through my daily tasks.

Electric shopping carts

Transport wheelchair

Nordic Pole walking sticks

My #1 used tool the Rollator (with a seat)

#6) Adapting my house.

Making adaptations around my house has been fantastic. I have a small grab bar in the shower, sitting stool in the kitchen, a step stool with a handle (also in the kitchen), shampoo and soap dispensers in the bathroom and a tray for eating when we're sitting on the couch. I'm sure this list will get longer over time, but for now each of these changes has been hugely helpful. 

My cooking stool (with my old step stool)

My bathroom helpers

Still Waiting for Help

I don't like not trusting people. I'd rather believe that everyone has the best of intentions and that people in the profession of helping others are really there to help me. But MAN doctors don't always make it easy!

I've been trying to get a hold of my neurologist for almost three weeks now. I want to increase my Lyrica dose and also let her know that I'm still having the scary muscle weakness. I've sent 4 messages to her now through our online medical chart and called. I even just asked to talk to the on-call neurologist this morning to try and get some help. But I haven't heard a peep back yet. 

At this point I'm just tired of waiting for help and am trying to go through my primary care doctor for the increased dose. My fingers are crossed that I'll hear back from him today.

I'm also still waiting on Shirley. I had really hoped I'd have her by today. Tomorrow is my husband's birthday and we're going out of town. I intentionally added a "rush" and paid extra for shipping to make sure I'd have her in time. Drat! Hopefully just going slow and using Meg will be enough to get me through the day. 

Thankfully I'm still only working 2 days a week. It has been exhausting, but I love it. I'm taking it as slow as I can and modifying my office to accomidate my needs. My office manager knows about my diagnosis and my needs and everyone has been very supportive. 

I've also been spoiling myself and letting my husband spoil me. The Cymbalta has really helped increase my energy, but now I risk doing too much. He's always reminding me to take it slow and guard my spoons. My doctor just increased my Cymbalta dose from 20mg to 30mg at my request. See neurologist! That's how it's done!

Hopefully the Lyrica will be resolved soon. In the meantime I'm still on 50mg 2x a day. My knee and feet x-rays didn't show any RA damage, so now it's onto the MRI portion of the evening (be sure to tip your waiters.) 

... And waiting on Shirley. I'll be sure to report back my thoughts on a transport chair as soon as I get her.

A Spoonful of Hope

Spoons come and they go. They are coveted and fleeting. I never have as many as I wish I had and I struggle to use what I do have in a way that enriches myself and those I love. I ask myself all the time now "does this matter? Is it important? If I can't answer "YES!" Then I really can't afford to spend a spoon on it. Sometimes even if it is important, I just don't have any spoons left.

This weekend was very full. It was my sister-in-law's 50th birthday party and Father's Day. I knew it was going to be busy, full and stacked high with importance. I tried my best to rest up and plan my spoons as best I could. But the tricky thing about chronic illness is that spoons don't work that way. You can't stockpile them and save them for really important moments. Even though I try.

Spoons are like most things in nature. Fleeting and unpredictable. Saturday was good. I tried to not "over do it" at the party so that I'd have "plenty of spoons left for Father's Day." Forgetting that it doesn't always work that way. So Sunday came and I was wiped. Not enough spoons to celebrate it "the way I thought it should be. The way I really wanted it to be. The way I thought my husband deserved." Of course this all led to me feeling "not good enough, frustrated, upset" and even more exhausted today (despite my wonderful man literally taking me home and sticking me in pajamas after I just couldn't be out anymore.)

Despite my best efforts I let "should" take over my "can." I stubbornly refused to listen to my body till I was on the verge of tears. And when I felt like I was "ruining my husband's day" he just gently assured me that I did no such thing and that he was very glad that I told him I had to go home and couldn't be out anymore.

Nature teaches me to listen and watch. To have awe for the things I can do and patience for the things I can't do. To savor moments as they pass because (like spoons) anything worth treasuring will for sure be temporary. After all, everything is temporary. 

Even though I'm exhausted today, I'm hopeful. My doctor got me a new rheumatologist and I'm seeing him a month. This is the first time a specialist got me in to see them in less than 3 months. I'm grateful to be expedited. 

My upcoming "tour of immunology" looks like this:

This Thursday = full spine and neck MRI (it also happens to be Summer Solstice)

June 27th = new neurologist for my neuropathy

June 29th = my 3rd physical therapy appointment

July 13th = back to my primary care doctor for a check in

July 19th = first appointment with my new rheumatologist

When my physical health is compromised it's easy for my mental health to try and follow. A helpful trick is to list 3 things that I'm grateful for each day. So here's my 3 things for today:

1) My husband, his support and love. He helps me take care of myself and makes me smile.

2) My dogs. My little one always know when I need some rest and she loves joining me in bed.

3) "I Love Lucy" - one of my favorite shows. Laughter is great medicine.

(And one to grow on: That I have health insurance! Always grateful for that.)

Take Care

I really love those two words. As long back as I can remember I sign off all my correspondence with "Take Care." It's also a motto that I'm trying to remember and heed. 

"How?" I'm glad you asked!

I'm trying to ease back into exercise and moving. I've been very sedentary this month. For good reason, but still. It's something I want to address. I feel better about my body and my mental health when I get some exercise on a regular basis. I used to do a dance type class called "Zumba" at my gym once a week. I went yesterday (the first time in a month) and did my best. The end result was that I was literally crippled the rest of the day. I WAY over did it. Something easy for me to do in that class.

Might be a better fit?

I thought that what might be a better fit right now are these two exercise videos that I found at our local Library. I read quite a bit about how Qigong and Tai Chi are both an excellent choice for RA. The other one is a hula video, which might prove to be a bit aggressive, but I'm willing to at least try. I can also swim at my gym instead.

Mmmm! Gnocchi!

Food is another key factor. I shared before that I've found a lot of relief from going gluten free. But I'm also Italian and seriously have been missing my pasta. GF pasta does a "nice try" and is better than nothing, but it's also far from the same. Fortunately I found this expensive gnocchi at my local food co-op and gave it a go. It was delicious! Maybe a bit lacking in vegetables, but hey. The sauce counts?

I'm trying to reduce my portions while still eating what I want. Food is very comforting and I don't want to deny myself comfort right now. I ate about a quarter of what you see here and put the rest away. For a while I was also making fresh fruit and vegetable juice for myself. That's something I want to get back to.

Cutting out gluten personally helped some GI issues and calmed my neuropathy down a bit. It has served me well enough to keep with it. I also live in a place where substitutes are plentiful and easy to find. 

My sleep usually stinks.

I wear my Fitibit to bed most nights. I've noticed that it's very accurate in monitoring my sleep quality. I can tell when I wake up exhausted it's usually that I didn't get enough deep sleep. And if I'm ok in the morning but want to go back to bed by 3 it's usually I didn't get enough REM sleep. These are 2 nights of sleep. One right after the other. One was short in deep sleep and the other was short in REM sleep. I seem to cycle like that.

Some things I'm going to try are:

• Not being on my phone right before bed. Read a book instead.
• Drinking Sleepy Time Extra Tea before bed.
• Make my bed regularly (I sleep better when it's clean and made.)

 The last thing I'm doing to "take care" is trying to document my health more. I started taking pictures of my feet and making my husband take pictures of my hands. I plan on doing this once a month to monitor any changes.

May 2018 hands.

Even just in this picture you can see how my right hand is a bit different from my left. It's a bit swollen in general. Even on my right foot I feel like I'm having some "toe drift" already happening. It's not something I would have noticed without taking pictures and I'll bring it up to my rheumatologist when I see her again next month.

Here's some other ways that I'm "taking care" this week:

• I'm going to watch the Royal Wedding of Prince Harry & Meghan Markle
  (*a guilty pleasure to be sure!)
• I'm going to wear my new special hat to a belated Mother's Day lunch with my son.
• I'm coloring my hair this weekend.
• I'm enjoying watching Face Off with my husband at night (the special effects makeup reality TV show.)
• I'm seeing my Aunt on Friday and we're having Mexican food together.
• I'm using my Nordic Poles when I'm too sore or stiff to walk un-aided.
• I'm using my "disabled" parking plaque when I need it. 
• I'm not stressing every little thing I'm not getting done right now.
• I'm playing a lot of my life "by ear" and "by spoons."
• I'm spending a lot of time being cozy with my dogs.

Healing

I feel like the combination of where I live and the field I'm in has left me saturated in two words... "Self Care." It's used in marketing constantly and it usually goes hand-in-hand with "spend money on yourself." 

Instead I think of self-attention to be healing moments. Giving myself the time I need and attention I crave to heal. Healing is different than "cure" of course. Healing to me is sacred time to sooth your soul and body. It never fails to leave me uplifted.

Here are some things I've been doing lately to aide in my healing:

• Using my spoons to make homemade gluten free pizza for dinner. Anytime I want. (Here's my favorite crust.) 
• Taking naps as often as I can (till I'm working again of course.)
• Noticing little things like flowers and fluffy bees.
• Literally taking time to smell the roses.
• Petting my dogs every morning first thing when I get up.
• Watching movies that I love like Moonstruck and You've Got Mail.
• Painting my nails (because I feel like the days I can do this for myself are numbered. AND it makes me smile to have colorful fingers.)
• Blogging and writing in my journal.
• Doing little doodles about how I'm feeling at that moment.
• When my husband reads me a story or rubs my back (or holds my hand, or gazes at me, or...) 

MMmmm... PIZZA!!!

My adorable puppies.
How could I NOT spend as much time as possible giving them pets?

I'm noticing what all of these things have in common (with the exception of my husband) is that they don't include other people. I'm a major introvert and get my spoons from being alone or with my beloved. NOT from being out in the world with other people. 

Figuring out what gives you spoons and indulging in those activities while trying to minimize what takes your spoons is vital. At least for me. And colorful nails. That's vital too.

ENOUGH Lemons Already!!!

I've always really hated that saying "When life gives you lemons make lemonade." How about "When life gives you peanuts, make peanut butter." I've been making lemonade and peanut butter all week. But yesterday a really big challenge came my way. My new job that I've been at barely a month let all the staff know that the agency is closing. They might be bought out by another agency (one I don't care for) or they may just close. I was crushed.

I hadn't even been on my RA medication for 1 week and now I have to job hunt all over again. I know I'll find something else, but it will take every spoon I have and then some. I'm also very sad to have to leave my clients, people I had just started to get to know.

As devastating as all this feels, it's helpful to remember a few important things.

1. It's ok if I don't make much money for a little bit. My husband's a hard worker with a good income. He busts his butt to support us, so that's a bit of pressure off. We won't starve and can pay our mortgage. 
2. Maybe this new job will be an even better fit?
3. The Plaquenil is helping and I'm feeling better than I was even when I was job hunting a month ago (and I'm sleeping much better, which makes a huge difference.)
4. I have love, encouragement and support of family and my husband.
5. I have some very good leads. My supervisor gave me 4 people to contact in my town about a job and I found another promising one on Indeed.com this morning.
6. I've done incredibly challenging things in the past and overcome a lot. I know I will in this case too.
7. I still gained good experience and met new people, even if I wasn't there as long as I'd hoped.
8. It sounds like I'll still have my job for about a month, so I still have a little money coming in. Not a lot, but it's better than nothing.
9. I was worried about working full time AND my body adjusting to the new medication all at the same time. Now I think I'll have a little bit more of a gap to adjust to the medication before working full time hours.
10. I have faith that everything happens for a reason. That's a comforting thought. I do believe there's a plan for all of us and that suffering comes when you try and figure it all out. Sometimes you just need to trust and be willing to do your best (while letting the rest go.) I've absolutely done my best and this situation is no reflection on me personally.

Try and have some faith and trust.

One more thing worth mentioning...

I honestly believe there's no such thing as a "horrible week" or even a "bad day." There are challenging moments and easier ones that all come and go. Even though this week as a whole felt especially challenging, it did have its bright spots.

My mom sent me this double orchid plant after I told her about my RA diagnosis.

It was a bright spot in my week.

A dear friend sent me this notebook with art that she did on the cover.

When I feel loved by those in my life and thought of it can make a world of difference. A text from my son can brighten my moments. Having coffee in the morning with my husband can start my day off right. All these things give me spoons and are so important when feeling overwhelmed by life.