Decision

I made a decision today. It's one I've been mulling over for a few weeks. One of the major side effects of the Plaquenil that I'm experiencing is muscle fatigue. It's making "being out in the world" a challenge. I'm hoping it will be gone soon, but in the meantime it's really impacting my life. The decision I made was to ask my doctor for help. I asked for a temporary "Handicapped Parking Plaque."

The fatigue started about two weeks ago, but feels to be getting progressively worse. I have a message into my rheumatologist about it, but I also told her when it started. She didn't seem concerned. 

Not only do my leg muscles tire very fast, but the bottom of my feet hurt for no reason and tire super fast. This makes walking not pleasant. Most of the time it's not a problem as I live in a pretty small town. But it has already come up where my husband had to drop me off closer to where we were going because of parking and my not being able to walk really far without my muscles literally giving out.

The back of my mind is holding onto a fear that this is just a new part of the RA that I haven't experienced yet and actually NOT a side effect from the Plaquenil. But I find that unlikely. 

In the meantime I feel grateful to have an understanding doctor who wants to do what he can to help me. His response when I messaged him to ask was perfect. He simply said that he was sorry to hear I was struggling and I could drop off a completed DMV form for him and he'd take care of it as soon as he could. Yup! Lucky.

There's another side to this "Disability Plaque" that is important to mention. Not all disabilities are visible. Though I do have friends who use a wheelchair and even they've been screamed at by nutters in a parking lot for using their plaques. Isn't that just amazing? I didn't take the decision to ask my doctor for help lightly. Nor will I take the decision of when to use it and where lightly. I'd rather have it and not use it then really need it on a bad day and not have it. But I do know that the fear of judgement or confrontation is often enough to keep others with invisible illnesses/disabilities from even asking for what they need. That thought did run through my mind.

Funnily enough thinking about it as yet another tool was helpful. And knowing that it will be another option for me if I need it. I asked myself if I felt I legit would benefit from it and if I had it in the last two weeks if I would have used it. The answer to both of those is "yes." Not all the time, but there were a few instances where I was panicked and stressed because of the fear of having to park far from my destination. I don't need to live like that if there's an option.

The permit will be good for 6 months. Then I can re-assess my situation. I'm proud of myself for being such an advocate and for asking for help when I need it.