Taking Matters Into My Capable Hands

My very first blog post ever here was about "Plan Kick Ass." It was what I called a plan to rid all toxins from my diet and radically change my habits for the better. It has come and gone through the years. Typically with food addiction taking the drivers seat and veering me back into old habits. 

My dinner the other night. Cheese tortellini with gorgonzola alfredo sauce and roasted broccoli. It was even more delicious than it looks.

Cheese, butter, sweets, carbs... are all very hard for me to resist. Eight years later I'm ready to try again. But this time I have AI to help me.

With the help of Hal (what I call Copilot on my phone) I made a complete list of all the foods that are the very best for mitochondrial health. I then formed a meal plan around those foods. It is a complete, Vegan, protein and antioxidant heavy diet. No animal products at all. 

Matcha tea instead of coffee every morning.

What it also lacks are replacement foods. No Earth Balance instead of butter. No Impossible Beef instead of burger. And sadly, not even some fake buffalo "chicken" instead of real chicken on my salad. Nope. Whole grains, beans, fruits and vegetables. The closest thing I get to eating anything "fun" is dark chocolate. This... is... going... to... be... hard.

My research added to my 2026 journal.

BUT. If it will help me lose some weight to help my strength and mobility. Heal my mitochondria and allow me to have more stamina and less fatigue? Well... There's very little I wouldn't do for that.

First comes food. Then hopefully if I'm feeling stronger and more energetic I can increase my activity. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Welcome to 2026. My body won't know what hit it. 

Happy New Year!

Addicted

I've recently been trying to learn as much as I can about my disease. Science is an ever changing, ever evolving beast. Especially when it comes to mitochondrial functioning and its role in multiple disorders.

One thing that stood out to me was the emphasis on sleep. How getting a good night's sleep is vital to good immunity and mitochondrial health. To say I don't get good sleep is an understatement. But that's in big part due to my phone. It is glued to my hand from the time I hit the sheets till around 2AM. Not healthy at all.

She doesn't look like a siren, but she is!

So last night I decided I'm changing that bad habit. I made my bed all nice, turned off all of the lights. Even my little nightlight and closed my eyes to sleep.

The urge to pick up my phone was insane. Partly due to my ADD brain wanting to look things up, add something to my Target cart, or check in with people I don't even know. Damn. I am completely addicted and I didn't even realize it.

"You knowwwww you want to shop. I bet someone is having a saaaaaaale"

It felt exactly like when I left Facebook for good about eight years ago now. I deleted my account and that was that. I didn't notice how much it had tentacled into every facet of my life until I quit cold turkey. I felt a physical pull to get back on it that was terrifying. I had been so completely addicted to it and I didn't even know it.

The fact that last night was so incredibly hard for me and that I felt that same magnetic pull to get on my phone just validated that I did the right thing. And just like Facebook, I didn't realize that I was addicted. I thought it was a preference or something I enjoyed. Not that I would feel the loss like a tooth pulled.

"I bet that comment you left is up to 5K likes now. What's your friend in Australia doing? I bet she's up."

I stayed off of it and fell asleep after a restless 30-45 minutes. Not bad. And I slept very well. Hmmmm. Coincidence? 

Oh yes. I also read a real book for the first time in ages. Bridgerton. The first one. Saucy. I felt like someone from Little House on the Prairie. Laying in bed reading. Wow! What a novel idea. Something I did all the time before the iPhone. 

Weight Loss Tug of War

I had a doctor's appointment today. It was rare for me because it had nothing to do with my mitochondrial disease or migraines. I wanted to talk about weight loss.

I've been going from 298 to 285 back and forth for years now. I think the lowest I've been able to get is around 273. And that's been a hot minute. I was down to 263 about 10 years ago. Neither of those are amazing numbers though. I really should be closer to 200-220. Even though the medical industry would likely say more like 190.

As I told the doctor today. I've done it all in the past. Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisines, Therapy, Journaling, Blogging, Reading soooooo many books, Meetings, Workshops, Dieticians... Ugh. I told him I've been overweight for about 25 years now and I need some help.

My mom just started an injectable called Zepbound. He said he thought that could help me too. (No. I'm not getting any kickback for this.) My insurance has to approve it first, but he's pretty positive that they will. 

My Friend's Coconut Wedding Cake Yesterday.

Beyond AMAZING!

I'm hoping to get:

• Cravings under control
• Feeling fuller with less food
• Fewer hunger pains when limiting food
• Past that "hump" of the 280's
• Help to kick start my weight loss
  
  

I'm concerned about:

• Constipation
• My system already being slow now going slower
• More fatigue
• Other side effects

Although I'm not excited about another injectable, I am feeling optimistic. I'm going to journal a lot and try to keep an open mind. I hope this helps not just me, but my mom as well. 

Junk in my trunk

I am a woman with a lot of junk in my trunk. Thick thighs, legs for days and a tummy as warm as a pet Shar Pei. But I'm not happy with my weight. My weight has gone up and down with the same 20lbs for about 5 years now. And I have felt like I wanted to lose close to 100lbs honestly for about 20 years now. That's a very long time.

I'm trying to remember when the last time was that I was content with my size. I think I must have been around 10 years old. That's very sad. 

When I was healthy I used to try and focus more on my strength and less on a number. I did Zumba, swam and lifted light weights at our local gym. I also gardened a lot. Like hard core digging mulch piles kind of gardening. Not delicately planting flowers on my hands and knees. I would say I was "moderately" physical. I even tried running a few times.

Now days I do as much as I can when I can, which sadly adds up to very little. That means what I eat needs to count. Also with my disease comes nutrient use issues. My body doesn't process energy well. I've been told to eat little, often with a focus on protein. But do I listen? Not really.

My muscles need a break. My weighing what I do does my struggling body no favors. I know that. But over eating is a very strong addiction. I love food! I love to eat. The more the better. If I have a small plate of food in front of me I feel confused, irritated, deprived, annoyed, anxious... If I have a lot of food in front of me I feel happy, taken care of, comforted, nurtured, spoiled... Food has a lot of emotional connections for me. It's not just "fuel" for my body. 

Portion size isn't my only challenge. Eating frequently is also hard for me.

Looking back at my other food blogs I feel like I had the enthusiasm in spades. The planning was definitely there. So why do I keep failing at this one thing?

Unlike other addictions you can't just stop eating. This makes it harder than most to control. To completely change my relationship with food is obviously a gigantic struggle. Do I minimize my relationship with food and the level of my addiction? I think so. I can make all the positive slogans, lists and plans that I want to. But until I tackle my base level relationship with food I just won't change.

My lunch today.
I'm trying again.