Taking Matters Into My Capable Hands

My very first blog post ever here was about "Plan Kick Ass." It was what I called a plan to rid all toxins from my diet and radically change my habits for the better. It has come and gone through the years. Typically with food addiction taking the drivers seat and veering me back into old habits. 

My dinner the other night. Cheese tortellini with gorgonzola alfredo sauce and roasted broccoli. It was even more delicious than it looks.

Cheese, butter, sweets, carbs... are all very hard for me to resist. Eight years later I'm ready to try again. But this time I have AI to help me.

With the help of Hal (what I call Copilot on my phone) I made a complete list of all the foods that are the very best for mitochondrial health. I then formed a meal plan around those foods. It is a complete, Vegan, protein and antioxidant heavy diet. No animal products at all. 

Matcha tea instead of coffee every morning.

What it also lacks are replacement foods. No Earth Balance instead of butter. No Impossible Beef instead of burger. And sadly, not even some fake buffalo "chicken" instead of real chicken on my salad. Nope. Whole grains, beans, fruits and vegetables. The closest thing I get to eating anything "fun" is dark chocolate. This... is... going... to... be... hard.

My research added to my 2026 journal.

BUT. If it will help me lose some weight to help my strength and mobility. Heal my mitochondria and allow me to have more stamina and less fatigue? Well... There's very little I wouldn't do for that.

First comes food. Then hopefully if I'm feeling stronger and more energetic I can increase my activity. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Welcome to 2026. My body won't know what hit it. 

Happy New Year!

I Am A Self Sabotager

I feel like I need to go to a support group for self sabotagers and people with eating disorders.

"My name is Antoinette and I'm a self-sabotager."

"HI ANTOINETTE!"

I mean seriously.

What is wrong with me?

I know I'm far from alone when it comes to self sabotaging, but I also feel like I have more on the line than a lot of people. Or do I? Smokers smoke themselves to death all the time. But I don't want to eat myself into a wheelchair. I really don't.

The feelings...

I feel huge.

I feel like I'm making my pain worse.

I feel like my food choices are making me weaker.

I feel like a failure for not eating what and how I should to make myself well.

I feel like I'm punishing myself over and over again, but I don't know why.

I feel scared that I can't do it.

I feel confused why I keep doing this to myself.

The facts...

I'm not "huge."

I "could" be making my pain worse. It's not a fact.

I need to make better food choices for my health.

The bad choices I am currently making are contributing to my health, for good or for bad.

I have been working out. (I feel proud about that.)

Every time I eat is a new chance to change and improve my choices.

I'm not alone, everyone self sabotages, don't be so hard on yourself.

"Self-sabotage often serves as a coping mechanism that people use to deal with stressful situations and past traumas. Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person's ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way."

-VeryWellMind on Self Sabotage. Click for more.

Food is my "self medication" of choice. Drug of choice. I love the taste of food with a lot of preservatives. All that fat, sugar and salt. Yum! When given a chance that's my go-to. Frozen food. Fast food. Diner American style food. Whoooo Mama. Gimmie that pie and cinnamon buns for dessert too.

I love to eat this way. 

And "love" is hard to walk away from.

It's an addication.

But I have to love myself more than the food.

Isn't that what it comes down to for all addicts? You have to love yourself enough to want to change. And it's not like you change once and you're done. I have to choose to change at least three times a day, plus dessert. I can't just put down my drug and walk away. I have to change and change and change and change.

I need stamina, grit, determination, focus, willpower and strength. And I need it all of the time.

If that's really what I want. Like 'three wishes genie' want. Then that's what I need to get there. That and endless amounts of self love with the ability to put myself first.