Whiplash

I'm slowly coming around to the reality that I am no longer disabled. It has been hard to wrap my mind around becoming re-abled so suddenly. As suddenly as I became disabled. My whole world just shifted on its axis. Nothing seems impossible anymore. 

I've always agreed that food is medicine. But I never imagined a diet change could literally cure me. I'm still stunned by that fact. I AM CURED. Literally. I can walk, dance, climb. I don't need my wheelchair anymore. The world is open to me once more.

Tracking my progress with my Fitbit.
Keeping encouraged with my new bracelet "You've got this."

I still get sleepy in the afternoon sometimes. It has only been three weeks (today). Who knows what other changes are ahead of me. 

My neurologist was surprised and happy for me. She agreed that I can do a Baclofen taper. That's the first drug I want to see if I can live without. These medications make me foggy headed and I'm hoping I can either live without them, or with a much smaller dose.

I wish it wasn't so horribly hot out. I want to be celebrating out in nature! Not stuck in the house. 

Luckily I can (and am) still swim. There's always the pool.

I'm not feeling deprived at all with the delicious food options.

I feel restless. Eager to do new things. To explore. I feel like a little kid kept inside on a rainy day. Errrrr. I want to go outside and play.

I'm a pretty big deal

My strength is gaining and I'm feeling good about gently pushing myself. I feel a bit stronger every day. Today was the biggest push yet. I used a shopping cart when we went to Trader Joe's.

I picked this store because it's very small, the parking is very close to the door, I know it well and if I couldn't do it they have electric carts right outside the door, so I wouldn't even have to bring my chair. 

As you can see I did do it! My entire shopping list. I felt like such a freaking bad ass!

I felt like my organs were shifting down as I walked. It occurred to be that sitting in a chair does squash everything down, so I'm sure that they are needing to re-adjust. What a weird thought. 

Towards the end I was starting to sweat a little bit and feel fatigued. My muscles still felt strong, but I felt tired.

We guessed that I shopped for at least 30minutes. I'm so impressed and proud. It felt like a good stretch of my physical abilities. 

Dreams and Reality

I often lay in bed and question what I can and cannot do. I picture myself going for a run. Or even just walking around my block. I ask myself if I'm sure I really can't do these things. When was the last time I tried? How do I know that I can't do it unless I give it a go?

In my head I strap on my tennis shoes (that now belong to my husband because we have the same size feet and he's... well... able bodied.) Then I go for a light jog around my neighborhood just like I used to.

Suddenly I'm no longer running, I'm surfing (something just as realistic). I'm up on a long board alone zipping over clear teal water. I wave hello to the fish and turtles under me. 

Next it's stairs. How many stairs can I climb? By myself? While holding the rail? Not at all? I picture myself in a stadium zipping up endless steps. I'm wearing short bike shorts and looking like a trainer from Biggest Loser (and not the contestant body I currently have).

When I wake up I decide to try something out.
I don't strap on my tennis shoes, or scrounge up a surfboard.
But I eye our kitchen step stool. The one with the big handle.
I figure I can go up and down that and it can count as a "step."
How many can I do?

Well... Without holding onto the handle I can go up and down 4 times. Four steps on my own. Holding onto the handle I can manage 7 (which impressed me!) Seven steps, but I feel my arm and leg muscles burn for about two hours after. Like I was surfing. Not on a kitchen stool.

I like knowing my physical limits. It helps me mentally cope with being a chronically ill woman. It can also help me when communicating with my doctors. In the past when I was asked how many steps can I walk up my answer was always "I don't know, I avoid them."

I'm sure the answers will change, but for now I know where I stand. What my body is capable of. I shudder to think of underestimating myself in any way. Avoiding things just because I think I can't do them.

Maybe tonight I'll dream of scuba diving?