Changes

 One year ago...

• I only had one dog
• I loved all plants and gardening constantly
• I wasn't that great at ceramics
• I used a wheelchair
• I had no energy
• I slept a ton every single day

But in 2024

• I'm for sure over gardening outside
• I paired down my houseplant collection
• I often go a whole day without a nap
• I can do many many things in one day
• I walk my TWO DOGS on my own two feet frequently
• I'm getting better at ceramics
• I'm enjoying my hobbies now that I have more energy

I still enjoy a garden. Just not really the "doing" part. This year I went with flowers vs food. I enjoy watching the nature. Our bees and butterflies are very happy.

All in a year

I started this blog just a tiny bit over a year ago. Reading my first post I shook my head in disbelief at all that's happened since I wrote that. I had no answers at the time. I just knew that something was very wrong with my body and I was struggling to get the help that I needed. Oh how right I was! And luckily for me that help did come. 

A year ago I said "my body just decided not to be doing so well"  that could have been the biggest understatement of my life. In fact I'm sure it was. What was really going on was: 1) I had a benign meningioma brain tumor growing in my left temporal lobe. 2) I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. 3) I have a genetic disease called Metabolic Myopathy. Soon after that post my muscles would begin failing me and it remained a mystery till November just what was going on. 

Reading over my frustrations, anger, hope, struggles and yes... fears I feel nothing but empathy for myself. Frankly I still can't believe that I went through brain surgery just seven months ago and have metal plates and screws in my skull. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around (pun intended.) Or that I'm technically also a mutant with my mutated genes causing the metabolic myopathy. I mean really? Was the TB just not a big enough of a deal?

I still feel like if people knew the whole story of what I've been through in the last four years they would think I was making it up. It's just too fantastic that someone can go through everything I've been through health wise. I fear they would think I'm faking it or lying. But it's all true. And I'm still here.

That's the best part. I'm honestly happier than I was four years ago. I'm also a better person. I'm less judgemental, more fearless, more forgiving, more patient and more empathetic than I was four years ago. I think great suffering is like that. Either you give in and struggle in the darkness full of fear for your life or you embrace the wonder that is our time here. See the miracles all around and love till your heart just can't love anymore. I chose the second one. 

I have my family, I have my tools, I have my spirit and my body is still here doing the best that it can each day. That's pretty magical really. I'm one lucky woman!