Use Those Tools!

I wear glasses so that I can see clearly. I use a fork so I don't get food all over my hands. I use a car so I can go long distances easily. I use a helmet to protect my brain when I ride my bike. So then why is it so hard to use a mobility device?

Me & "Meg" shopping in style

I'll tell you why. STIGMA.

I tell myself that I don't care what other people think. And that's true. But there's still a small part of me that whispers "You've given up" every time I use a mobility aide. "You should be trying harder. You don't NEED this. You can do it without it. You're being lazy." These are all things a hideous little voice mutters in my head when I grab Meg, or a scooter cart. 

I'm not really sure where it came from. I'm thinking it could be the "voice of my culture." That what I'm really hearing are my projected potential thoughts of other people who see me using these devices. Add to that the fact that I'm a larger woman and I could even hear "It's because she's fat." Isn't that awful? I don't want to listen to those voices.

Here's what I want:

• To keep active and do as much as I can.
• To be a role model for others with illnesses to use the tools available to them.
• To break stereotypes and challenge the norms (like walkers are for old people.)
• To build my strength by walking as much as I can, even with my tools. (Rather than staying home and being sedentary.)

I could just stay home, feel sorry for myself and not go out at all. Or I could try to not use my tools, do a lot less and make myself feel worse in the process. There's always options. I chose to modify how much I do and how I do it to keep on being as active as possible.

I noticed an interesting added benefit. My condition isn't invisible when I'm out with Meg. She's a big shining beacon that says "HEY! There's something up with this beautiful woman and she needs a little help getting around!" 

People are nicer to me. They don't sigh loudly behind me if I'm going slow. They don't clear their throat as I'm trying to open a door. They get the door for me. They tell me to "have a nice day" and compliment my scarf. 

I was prepared for people to ask nosy questions, or to be really judgy and rude to me when I use Meg. But instead the opposite has been happening. That was a real surprise to me. People have patience and understanding around me that they never had when I didn't use mobility devices. We respond to what we can see. Makes sense, right?

I'm sure over time those annoying negative messages in my head will go away. I know it stems from my own fears of judgement that (so far) are completely unwarranted. It also comes from not being super trusting of other people. Another challenge that I'm working on.

I also learned another cool thing about using Meg. When I sit in her and wrap my arm around my husband's waist, my head hits him at a perfect, snuggly, cozy spot. It was a lovely surprising discovery. I'm sure there's more where that came from.