Usually any one of those things would set me into a tailspin of feelings, lung crushing anxiety, nights of insomnia and nightmares, cold sweats of insecurity... but oddly enough I'm actually coping. Coping really well. ON TOP of working 30hours this week. Not easy to do feeling how I feel even during a stable week. But to do it THIS WEEK? I seriously deserve an award.
"Overwhelmed" is almost as familiar a feeling to me as "frustrated". So what's keeping me cool this week? I think it's the following.
- I'm sharing my feelings. I'm letting my loved ones know that I'm feeling sad about giving up my office and mad that someone I don't like will be moving in. I worked very hard to get that office and it symbolizes a lot to me.
- Awareness. My office is just that... a symbol. I'm the one who made it special. My job is just changing, not ending.
- Asking for help. I've been communicating with my husband about the disability process and asking for help with it (like the whole evil math thing).
- Not being impulsive. This is huge for me. I tend to do things I don't like quickly just to get them done. But I'm not rushing with the disability information. I want to understand the math and be clear on my options.
- Resting. I'm not putting everyone and everything first. I'm coming first this week. What I want and don't want. What I can do and can't do. I'm going to bed early and resting whenever I can. That has been helping a lot!
- Mindfulness. Staying focused on the present moment. I remembered the other day that I am a "human being" not a human doing. So be. Don't project into the future or the past. Time travel is not needed here. Just my attention to the right now.
I'd be lying if I said I was a chill Buddha cucumber. But I'm also not a distracted wreck. And I'll take that!
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