Punishment disguised as self-love.

Punishment disguised as self-love

Going out with your friends and pounding back drinks can seem like a good time and a good idea on the surface, but underneath that you're just hurting yourself physically. Or the messages that women get all the time that by applying chemicals to ourselves (hair dye, anti-aging cream, makeup, etc) we're somehow treating ourselves. 

Personally I struggle with over-eating or eating things that don't help my body feel good. At the time I tell myself it's a "treat" or "special" but it only leaves me feeling unwell and at a weight and size that has negative repercussions for me.

Again that's a message we all get in Western culture. "You're worth it!" While a billboard shows someone shoving a massive burger in their face. It's a rare person who would feel that "health food" would be some kind of a treat or reward. 

But when you scrape the surface of most "rewards" you will find they are actually punishments. So how can I break that cycle?

• Patience
• Mindfulness
• Changing my vocabulary around food (like "good" or "bad")
• Find pleasure intrinsically

Mindfulness teaches us that there is no "first pain then pleasure" but instead to find the pleasure in everything. That goes against what we're taught as children and takes a lot of time to re-learn how to do. The example most often given is in washing dishes. Don't rush to "get it over with" but instead really be in that moment.

So perhaps rather than focusing on rewarding myself with things that I know will hurt me in the end I should go slow, be mindful and find the pleasure and reward in every action.

I believe children naturally get this. It's the adults and our society that teach them to rush on from one thing to the next calling some things "work" and others "play." But science shows that when you're rewarded for something you enjoy doing it takes all pleasure and motivation out of wanting to do that thing. Reward actually robs you enjoying that moment.

I'm going to try to be more child-like in my food. Enjoying it for what it is... Food. Not comfort, not a reward, not sex. It's food and that should be enough.

Remember How to Play

Why so serious?

My son told me last night that he's taking a break from Facebook for his mental health. I applaud that level of self care. Another important thing to remember with all the stress people are under right now is how to play. Your inner child needs to be fed more than just ice cream and Taco Bell. They need to play. YOU need to play.

When was the last time you played?

Do you remember how to do it?

Play is vital to keeping your mood up, interacting with other people in positive ways and helpful for your relationships! Here's some ways that my family and I play. 

Go for a nature walk and touch everything.

Go to an art supply store and buy whatever looks fun. Even if you've never used it before. Make yourself an art basket and keep it out where you can see it. 

Do some doodles.

Take pictures of yourself making funny faces. You DO remember how to make a funny face... right?

Go to a thrift store and "rescue" a stuffed animal. Or better yet, find one in a dumpster! Take it to a public laundromat and clean it all up. Give it a second home and a new life.

Paint your toes the color of the rainbow and find some shoes that look like muppets. 

Make funny faces with your pet and take pictures. Or just rub and nuzzle on them.

Buy yourself a tiara. Because everything is better when you're the boss!

Stop and smell EVERY single freaking flower you come across. Even if it's just at the store.

Go look at some art. 

Blow some bubbles, or a pinwheel.

Do a puzzle. Especially with someone else.

Paint a picture of your pet (even if you think you're not any good).

Other ideas:

• Sing your favorite song really loud
• Make yourself cupcakes
• Go outside and play in the mud
• Make a fairy house out of stuff you find
• Start a new hobby (like air plants or Yoga)
• Taste something you've never had
• Have a pillow fight with your partner
• Try a new musical instrument
• Buy some sidewalk chalk and decorate your street
• Make a nature crown for your head
• Look for interesting bugs
• Learn to juggle tissues
• Teach yourself tarot or runes
• Make a big batch of something delicious and share it
• Dig out your old video games and have a retro game party (ditto for board games)

The importance of fun!

It's Halloween today and even though I'm not dressing up and going out I am still finding ways to have fun. If I were to dress up, this year I would go as Frida Kahlo. But not the super colorful one people usually dress as. Her more serious black mood like this:

I can relate to her disability and suffering but how she still struggled to express herself, her sexuality and her creativity. In fact, yesterday I bought two canvases and I want to get back into doing art. Any kind of art really. Just something fun to do to express myself and keep mentally active. 

Having fun and playing is a big deal in our house. We own a lot of games and many things others would consider "childish". Children's books, pinwheels, shadow puppets, Disney movies, stuffed animals, coloring books and crayons all have a happy home with us. And even though I don't use them all the time, just having them makes me smile. 

Even going to Target yesterday and picking out these bubbles to hand out to the little knee biters that will come knocking tonight was fun. I wheeled through the store picking out just the right thing. I like giving out toys instead of candy. Candy is gone in an instant, but a little something they can bring to school and share is better. 

No matter what the next day will bring I will ALWAYS find a way to have fun. (And like I suspected yesterday, I'm feeling much better today.)

Rest and Play

Last week my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Although we call ourselves the "Adventure Buddies" we were more than ready for some serious rest. We drove three hours from our home to the coast for some fresh air, good food and plenty of relaxation.

I fell in love with this swing on our patio, even though it made me a little dizzy. I think I need one at home now.

The hotel we stayed at, the Bernardus Lodge and Spa, had a beautiful garden, delicious restaurant and was completely wheelchair accessible. It was just what my body and soul needed.

I'm learning how to have "relaxing adventure" lately. Case in point, the hotel had a convertible car that we were able to "borrow" for a lovely coastal drive. It was a lot of fun, but an easier adventure on my body than say, a long beach walk, which is something we would have done instead in the past. 

Some "adventure" takes money, but other things I can find for free. Like this fun, organic farm stand we stumbled upon on our way home. They had a cute area for "kids" that I took full advantage of. I spent my muscle spoons for the afternoon getting in and out of this GIANT adirondack chair and it was totally worth it. I felt like such a kid!

For me play is just as important as rest. If I spend too much time just "adulting" I'm one unhappy lady. 

Of course one of my favorite ways to rest and re-charge is to snuggle with my sweet girl. 

My husband and I also "play" with (gasp) our friends! We belong to a local group of tiki lovers who are as child-like and playful as we are. We try to make time at least once a month to dress up and hang out with our buddies. 

Life is a balance and I'm still trying my best to find the perfect mix of work, rest and play. 

(** I received no reimbursement for my mention of Bernardus Lodge and Spa. But if they'd like to hook me up in the future, that would be dandy!)

Gentle Reminders

I have a few favorites in my journal. Things I like to go back and refer to. These two are particularly worth sharing today:

Yes!
One of the reasons I love gardening. 

I read a while back on another chronic illness blog that you can't live your life with sickness at the middle of it. I firmly believe that is true (no matter what the challenge is.) When you just go from appointment to appointment or even symptom to symptom you aren't really LIVING your life. You're just surviving. Of course there are exceptions to this. But typically to go from reaction to reaction is more damaging than the thing you're reacting to.

When I say "don't turn into your family" to myself it's a reminder to not just stop living. That's what my grandmother has done with her chronic illnesses and she's miserable. I don't know what she's living for. She just drifts from appointment to appointment from pain pill to pain pill. It's no life that I want to have. 

I try hard to remember this and instead of going from crisis to crisis I plan. I do. I go. I create. I invent. I discover. I explore. I may have to work around or with things, but I'm not letting these challenges rule my life. 

That's what the journal entry you see above was about. A reminder of things that make me happy and that make life worth living. If you're just going from crisis to crisis, always just reacting, then life isn't really worth living. Savor. Enjoy. Play!