learn from the animals

To say that life has been stressful lately is an understatement. We're in a war against Iran. We're lead by an insane, murdering nazi, prices for everything have gone beyond sky high. Now we're in the stratosphere. From food to gas, most people are struggling. Women and LGBT people are actively being targeted, assassinated and having their rights taken.  

I feel angry, fearful, panicked and heart sick. 

But I can't feel that way all the time. Like the bombed Lebanese smoking a hookah amongst the ruins of what used to be their home. Or the teacher playing music inside the remains of a destroyed school. Art, music, laughter and love will always drown out the hatred of evil.

So I have been...

Making art. Making time for friends. Taking care of my body. Keeping up with my medical appointments. Loving on my puppies and trying to help people I love not feel overwhelmed.

My son is constantly stressed to the max. I think COVID really broke him. Now he shuts everything down with a "no." He struggled emotionally before all of this happened, but it has really become worse. His anxiety and depression don't seem to be at all touched by his medication anymore. 

After a recent breakup (where she broke his heart.) I took him to a town close to us for a break. I found this beautiful park with a massive pond and we just sat there and watched.

 
As I soaked in the beauty of the spot I could feel my shoulders soften from up around my ears. The tightness in my chest relax like a rope being untied. My breathing become deeper and more fulfilling. Changes that I wasn't even aware I needed.

Nature is a tonic for these times. And I need to remember that. Hug a tree. Swim in a lake. Look at birds. Go slow with my dogs. Nature is the best teacher of all. She can be vicious. But there is also a lot of love. She is slow moving. Slow growing. She takes her time when she's healing. 

The animals teach us as well. They too go slow. Enjoy the little things (like eating the same food for breakfast AND dinner.) Make time for play. Show each other new things. The old teaching the young.

Spending time in my garden has also been helpful. I think of it as an "earth detox." Where I just pour out all my stress and worries into the soil where it is composted like dead leaves. 

I realize I'm very privileged. I can afford the things I need. I don't live in a country that's being constantly bombed. The people I love are still alive and well. I'm not rotting in an ICE detention center. I'm in a healthy, loving relationship. I have a lot of resources and options. I'm a rare minority in the world.

I can hold both things. Both can be true. I can be sensitive and aware of the horrors of our time. While also healing myself in art, nature and love. I can take care of myself with food and movement and also be aware of my tremendous privilege. I can morn the lost rights of women, the disabled and people of color, while also laughing with my friends. 

It's not easy and it comes with practice. I think my background as a therapist is hugely helpful. But every day I try. Luckily I have my two beautiful puppies to lead the way. 

 

Welcome to my world!

I was explaining to my husband this morning that as a person with a chronic illness I feel like the whole entire world now gets to experience my life every single day.

Can't go to your office to do a job you love?
Check
Worry about falling ill and dying constantly?
Check
Can't leave your house and do what you want when you want? 
Check
Social isolation? 
Check
Limited mobility? Can't ride the subway, train or hop a bus? 
Check 

Yup. That's my reality.

We belong to a fun local social group and I'm able to participate minimally due to my health and mobility needs. Now everyone is in the same boat so they're thinking outside the box and doing things like Zoom meetups. Because when healthy, able bodied people become affected by something, that's when the problem solving and alternative solutions come out.

Work from home everyone!
Stay safe and take care of your own needs.
Take plenty of time off when you're sick or your family is ill.
Financial compensation for your loss of income.

Where are all these solutions for the disabled population?
I'm talking globally here, not just in my town, state or Country. 

I hope when the Coronavirus crisis is over some of these changes remain in place for the percentage of the population who could use the accommodations daily. And also that now healthy, able bodied people come away with just a bit more insight and empathy about what it's like to live every day of your life this way.

Remember How to Play

Why so serious?

My son told me last night that he's taking a break from Facebook for his mental health. I applaud that level of self care. Another important thing to remember with all the stress people are under right now is how to play. Your inner child needs to be fed more than just ice cream and Taco Bell. They need to play. YOU need to play.

When was the last time you played?

Do you remember how to do it?

Play is vital to keeping your mood up, interacting with other people in positive ways and helpful for your relationships! Here's some ways that my family and I play. 

Go for a nature walk and touch everything.

Go to an art supply store and buy whatever looks fun. Even if you've never used it before. Make yourself an art basket and keep it out where you can see it. 

Do some doodles.

Take pictures of yourself making funny faces. You DO remember how to make a funny face... right?

Go to a thrift store and "rescue" a stuffed animal. Or better yet, find one in a dumpster! Take it to a public laundromat and clean it all up. Give it a second home and a new life.

Paint your toes the color of the rainbow and find some shoes that look like muppets. 

Make funny faces with your pet and take pictures. Or just rub and nuzzle on them.

Buy yourself a tiara. Because everything is better when you're the boss!

Stop and smell EVERY single freaking flower you come across. Even if it's just at the store.

Go look at some art. 

Blow some bubbles, or a pinwheel.

Do a puzzle. Especially with someone else.

Paint a picture of your pet (even if you think you're not any good).

Other ideas:

• Sing your favorite song really loud
• Make yourself cupcakes
• Go outside and play in the mud
• Make a fairy house out of stuff you find
• Start a new hobby (like air plants or Yoga)
• Taste something you've never had
• Have a pillow fight with your partner
• Try a new musical instrument
• Buy some sidewalk chalk and decorate your street
• Make a nature crown for your head
• Look for interesting bugs
• Learn to juggle tissues
• Teach yourself tarot or runes
• Make a big batch of something delicious and share it
• Dig out your old video games and have a retro game party (ditto for board games)

No Homeostasis

In my life right now there is no such thing as homeostasis. I've talked about it before how my health is a constant moving target. That reality can lead to a major increase in stress if I'm not careful. And not just for me, but for my whole family.

Simple things like spending time together, eating together and listening to each other can be very helpful at decreasing my stress. Here's a few other things that also help:

My mom bought me a Wonder Woman outfit and it was a big mood boost. I do feel pretty wonderful for getting some laundry done or even just trying my best today. So maybe there's no such thing as homeostasis for humans? Maybe the only thing constant really is change. Perhaps all we ever have is the present and we have to just pay close attention to it and savor the moment. 

O Me! O Life!

O Me! O Life!

BY WALT WHITMAN

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,

Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,

Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

                                       Answer.

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

Seriously? "Reduce Stress!?"

The #1 advice I read over and over again is "reduce your stress." These articles/books/blogs will often go to on suggest "take deep breaths" or "go for a walk." Now I'm not saying these things don't work, or that it's a great idea to try and keep stress down. But you know... life happens! Like this gem I encountered today.

Are you serious?

I spent an hour on a major company website filling out a detailed application only to have it eaten and vanish when I hit submit. That's real life stress right there. Not to mention I'm having to job hunt again after only being employed for barely a month. But I'm supposed to just not let it get to me and go for a walk?

Well, it's no surprise that I woke up to a bit of a flare this morning. I also was really busy this weekend. And despite my husband making me take breaks, I still managed to do too much. My hands hurt and were stiff. The worst since starting the Plaquenil. I was thirsty all night and just felt sore this morning. Oh! My face is also breaking out. Yeah that's the face of stress.

But back to job hunting for a second. 

This is a standard question all employers ask. I never thought much of it before today. (click on it to see it larger if you don't read chicken scratch.)

So I ended up checking "no" because the descriptive words they used were things like "substantially limits a major life activity." And frankly also because it's not their business. So far I can work around all of my needs just fine. If I required some ADA services or major accommodations that I couldn't provide for myself I might have checked "yes."

I really hate that employers expect you to disclose something so deep and personal in such a way. In fact, I think it's really awful. And there's the "s" word again, right? "What if I mark yes? Will they not hire me because I said I have a disability? If I mark no and later need accommodations will they fire me for not disclosing sooner?" These are real life concerns.

Another reason I marked "no" is that I'm still figuring all this out. Until I know 100% what's going on I don't think my employer needs to know. 

So yes, I try my best to keep stress at a minimum, but some days I'm more successful than others. And after 2 hours on a cruddy website I was rewarded with this alert.

YAY! PICK ME! PICK ME!

I've applied for 5 jobs this morning and I feel good about them. I'm hoping something will come through soon. Now excuse me while I go eat some breakfast (food always lowers my stress.)