Current Symptoms

Before each doctors appointment I make a list of my current symptoms. For a new specialist I also include a basic timeline and break the symptoms up into "chronic or occasional." I have an appointment with my primary care doctor and just finished a list for him. This time I'm including something new. A list of things that I've tried to help ease the pain and calm inflammation on my own. I'm doing this because sometimes I feel like doctors think patients aren't proactive or are just looking for a quick fix. I want to really hammer home how long I've had this, how severely it affects me and that I'm not just waiting for someone else to "fix" it for me. Also so we don't waste time talking about/suggesting things I've already tried.

Tried: (for pain & inflammation)

Plaquenil (400mg – stopped taking from side effects)

Gabapentin (stopped taking from side effects)

800mg Ibuprofen 2x a day

1,300 mg Acetaminophen 2x a day

Salonpas (topical pain patch):

            Camphor 3.1% (Topical analgesic)

            Menthol 6.0% (Topical analgesic)

            Methyl salicylate 10.0% (Topical analgesic)

CBD topical stick

Charlotte’s Webb CBD supplement (no THC)

TENS machine

Acupuncture

Supplements (Borage, magnesium B-12, E, fish oil)

Ben Gay and all the other topical ointments for arthritis & joint pain.

Light exercise/stretching

Diet changes

            (cut out gluten, sugar, dairy, etc.
            *Improvement with no gluten since 12/2017)

Current Symptoms:

·      Joint pain in feet (especially right foot, ankle and 4 smaller toes. Right ankle & toe swelling.)

·      Joint pain in both hands (especially right hand & fingers. Hands feel hot)

·      Joint pain in lower back

·      Joint pain in upper neck

·      Right shoulder pain

·      Pain in back, shoulder, hands and neck that wakes me up in the night

·      Dizziness (especially in the morning)

·      Feeling of fullness, pressure in right ear

·      Body joint gelling in the morning and after sitting

·      Frequent urination, especially at night.

·      Dry mouth, especially at night.

·      Sore throat off and on (like I feel like I’m getting sick, but I don’t)

·      Fatigue (feel exhausted most of the time, especially after activity)

·      Easy muscle fatigue in arms, legs and bottoms of feet (the front pads) from minor activity (like bathing or walking across a parking lot.)

·      Peripheral neuropathy symptoms (especially in legs, arms and lips)

·      Both hands swollen in the morning. Sleeping in compression gloves helps.

·      Pain in both knees, especially after activity (knees feel hot)

·      Cracking of joints (neck, right hand, right foot, both knees)

Have you ever had that conversation with someone? Even your doctor? "Have you tried..." "YES!!! I've tried everything!!!" That's what I'm trying to avoid.

I don't think any of my symptoms are unique. In fact I think the majority would fall into either "neuropathy" or "rheumatoid arthritis" (or as my doctor says, "rheumatoid disease.") I'm not a special snowflake in the land of symptoms. So why each neurologist and rheumatologist stammers that I'm so "A-Typical" is a big mystery to me.

I'm hoping that my appointment Thursday will bring a fresh referral to a NEW rheumatologist and suggestion for addressing the chronic inflammation (because the 800mg Ibuprofen is doing zilch.)

What Happened to "Plan Kick Ass?"

Plan Kick Ass (or PKA as I call it) was way-sided by the introduction of Plaquenil. I stopped taking my supplements, except for Vitamin D (because my doctor recommended that one) and I didn't have the energy to make my own juice. I did however keep up with the new "chemical free" beauty products and gave all my old stuff away to good homes. I hate waste!

View from my bed

I think today I have the energy to make some fresh juice for my 10AM snack. It's not just making the juice that's so tiring. It's washing the produce well, making the juice and cleaning everything up and putting it away. Just like going grocery shopping in itself isn't the real spoon sucker. It's driving to the store, walking all over and putting stuff in the cart, chatting with the checker (or people you run into that you know), loading up the car, driving home, putting it all away. MAN! I'm tired just from listing what about it is tiring! Well, juicing is a lot like that. There's a lot of steps involved that all = exhaustion.

My other favorite place to be.
The living room couch (complete with cozy quilt.)

So like all things in my life I've learned to modify PKA. I got the handicapped parking plaque (and I've been so thankful that I did!) I'm asking for help when I really need it. I'm letting all the little things go that I used to feel I "HAD" to do every day. I'm savoring time with my husband and doggies. And I'm trying to be more patient.

I've been finding a lot of support in books. My latest find is "How to Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness" by Toni Bernhard. I think I found this book by just putting "chronic illness" into the search engine at my library. Actually from home, then I request a hold on a book. That way I just have to run in and grab my hold stuff. That's another modification I've made.

Even though people are all so very different, it's helpful reading someone else's experience and what has worked for them. Toni is very frank in her book about her struggles, but does so in a very hopeful/helpful voice. I'm enjoying it and plan to read her first book "How to Be Sick" next.

Alright. It's snack time and I'm off to try juicing. Wish me luck!

Plan Kick Ass As of Now:

• Eat a little something every 2 hours.
• Rest and nap if I feel the need.
• Wear my compression gloves to bed at night.
• Continue being as chemical free at possible with products.
• Try to eat anti-inflammation foods.
• Take Vit. D & Magnesium daily (for muscle pain.)
• Go slow and save spoons.
• Drink lots of water and herbal tea.
• Be loving towards myself.

Food, Love and Drugs

Friday I saw my regular primary care doctor about the muscle weakness and Plaquenil. We decided that I was going to stop taking it and come back to see him in a week. He's also getting me a new rheumatologist. YAY! I'm thrilled. In the meantime he'll find me some anti-inflammatory medication that will be more helpful than the 800mg Ibuprofen I have been taking. Again... YAY!

This Thursday is also my eye check with the Ophthalmologist. I'm keeping that appointment just to make sure everything's ok and the small time I was on the Plaquenil didn't do any damage (seeing as I did have massive sun sensitivity and retinal after-burn issues.)

My favorite Kombucha.

It's expensive, so I don't get it very often.

I must be part fairy because I love "floral" food and drinks.

In the meantime I'm trying to eat well and take care of myself. I'm also learning I stink at guessing how many calories are in something. Thank goodness for technology and apps so I don't have to guess.

This was last night's dinner. Care to guess how many calories? It's a turkey burger on a gluten free bun (that was awful and I didn't eat), low fat refried bean dip with 1/4 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend and 1 tbsp sour cream. Those are organic corn tortilla chips, about 1 cup. Then we have cast iron skillet sautéed Shishito peppers. Oh yeah, there's also about 1/4 cup cheese curds on the turkey burger patty.

Honestly I would have guessed about 500 calories (without the bun.) Actually it was 900 calories. I would have been off by almost half!

But then my breakfast this morning I would have guessed wrong the other way. I would have thought about 900 calories for what you see here. Nope! More like 300. See!? This is hard!

This wouldn't be a typical breakfast for me. I consider it a "special Sunday brunch" meal. But really it has about the same amount of calories as 2 pieces of avocado toast. I would never have thought that.

And that's why I'm trying to pay close attention and really track my food. Because apparently I have a lot to learn.

Changes I need to make

I've learned a lot about rheumatoid arthritis in the last few months. And that I'm fat. Well, already knew that I was fat. I do own a mirror. But I learned that my "excess plumpness" has an impact on my RA. I knew that the bigger I am, the more stress that's on my joints. That part I already knew. But I didn't know that it fed inflammation in other ways.
Why don't I just show you?

What I've learned that I didn't already know:
(mostly from the book Living with Rheumatoid Arthritis - no affiliation)

1. RA is chronic and systemic
2. It's caused by both having a genetic predisposition AND an environmental trigger (virus, bacterial infection, chronic infection, or other unknown microbe trigger.)
3. It's diagnosed more by ruling out other disorders than having a specific test that's accurate.
4. There does seem to be a link between TB (including Latent TB) and RA.
5. Dry mouth (and sometimes eyes) is a common symptom of RA. It's called "sicca syndrome." It's caused by inflammation of the salivary glands or tear ducts.
6. RA can cause breathing problems.
7. RA can cause you to pee a lot (especially at night) due to inflammation.
8. The joints of your vocal chords can also suffer from inflammation.
9. Cytokines are the real culprit for inflammation. They're a protein released by the immune system. They're also stored in fat cells, especially abdominal fat cells.
10. Cytokines are released when you're stressed, which is why stress can cause a flair. They're also the root cause of fatigue (that's why you feel exhausted when you're sick.)
11. Pain after sitting or when just getting up is called "gelling." 
12. Joints that shift after long periods of inflammation are called "drift." 
13. If you're in pain more than 2hrs after exercising you've over done it.
14. Irreversible damage can happen in the first 2 years of having RA. That's why it's so aggressively treated.
15. There are 5 kinds of RA treatment: NSAIDs (Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs), DMARDs (Disease-modifying antirheumatic drugs), Biologics (a subset form of DMARDs. Always injected or IV infusion), Kimase Inhibitors (taken by mouth, a type of DMARD), Corticosteroids.
16. Only DMARDs and Biologics have been proven to halt the progression of RA. Treatment with them will prevent damage to your joints.
17. It's common to gain weight when treatment is working. Inflammation speeds metabolism. As the inflammation subsides your metabolism slows. Most people think this is a side-effect from the medication. Instead it's a sign you're on the right track.
18. The more abdominal fat you have, the more inflammatory cytokines you produce (but it's also the first fat that's lost.)
19. Use coconut oil for high temperature cooking. Use olive and avocado oil for low temperature cooking.
20. Peanuts are a bean, not a nut.
21. Eat a high amount of Omega 3 fatty acids and a low amount of Omega 6.
22. A lot of RA sufferers also have a gluten intolerance (like me!)
23. Compression gloves are the best invention on the planet.
24. There's a way to modify almost anything to still be able to do it independently.
25. Walking poles are much easier on your hands & wrist than a cane or walking stick.
26. It's not hard to get a disability parking plaque in the state of California. Get your doctor to help you get one even if you don't think you'll use it. You'll be happy to have it on a flare day or when you're just out of spoons.
27. You need to protect your feet. Don't go barefoot.
28. Eating every 2 hours is best for your body.
29. If you struggle with morning "gelling" take a warm shower and do some gentle stretches when you first get up.
30. Don't try to push through something that's painful or exhausting. You'll just pay for it later. Instead stop, don't do it, or ask for help.

All of these things have had a huge impact on the way I live my life and my understanding of RA. It has been very helpful for me to learn the root causes of things so I can better arm myself to fight them and adjust to my changing needs.

My favorite breakfast.

Gluten free bread, avocado, lavender sea salt and red pepper flakes.

Peppers are good for fighting inflammation.

What you see here is just 360 calories.

The biggest change I'm trying to do right now is to change my diet, how much I eat and when I eat. I'm naturally a "feast and famine" eater. I love to go till 12 or so without eating anything, then have lunch. Then not eat again till 6 or 7. Two meals a day is perfect for me. But it's not perfect for inflammation.

Here's some foods I'm trying to eat more of:

I haven't tried the honey drink yet. 

With the exception of the honey, all of these foods are helpful for reducing inflammation, high in fiber (to make you feel full) and nutritious.

Here's a sample list of what I'm trying to eat through the day. Not all of these things, but options for each meal.

Eating every 2 hours is hard for me.

And water of course. Water, water, water, water. The tap water where we live is horrid and full of farm run-off chemicals. So we buy giant jugs of reverse osmosis filtered water. It's pretty cheap and tastes great. We even give it to our dogs.

I hope to lose about 70-80lbs. I know that's a big number and it will take me a really long time. I'm ok with that. I also know that working out every day really isn't in the cards at the moment, so I'm trying to just do what I can and watch my food. If I'm not actively gaining weight, I'm happy.

View from the passenger side

Love/Hate Plaquenil

It has only been 2 days since I went down from 400mg of Plaquenil to 200. I was taking it twice a day, now I just take one a night. I stopped taking it because of the increasing muscle weakness in my arms and legs. It was making every day things like showering, dressing, walking a real challenge. I wanted to be sure that it was the Plaquenil that was causing this progression before my neurology appointment next month. 

But...

After just 2 days of a reduced dose I've noticed a huge difference:
- The eustachian tube dysfunction (ETD) I've struggled with in my right ear for years now was back this morning. Feeling full, a little blocked and making me dizzy.

- I couldn't sleep because 1) I felt wired/awake 2) the serious pain in my back (especially my lower back.)

- The neuropathy in my hands increased, especially last night.

- My joints ache continually again (not just from "gelling" when I get up.)

- Did I mention the dizziness? That sucks.

- I'm much more tired today. Could be from not sleeping well though.

My rheumatologist still hasn't gotten back to me, so this morning I messaged my doctor. I was very frank and asked if I should go back to 400mg, try another drug or see another rheumatologist. I may try and call her today as well seeing as I feel horrid.

This just adds to that looming feeling of isolation and like I'm in this with very minimal medical oversight. I keep reading how "early treatment and intervention is KEY" and then the medical "experts" really aren't working with me. It's very frustrating. Every minute I'm second guessing myself and feeling like I should just go back up to 400. But the muscle fatigue really was a big problem and I DO want to know if it was being caused by the Plaquenil. 

I went to the store this morning, which was great. Then I stared at the bags in my car and just wanted to cry at the thought of brining them inside PLUS putting all the food away. I sucked it up and did it, but it was hard. 

I HATE that things like grocery shopping are now hard. I feel angry, sad, frustrated, pissed at my doctors and hostile to my traitorous body. I'll feel more hopeful tomorrow. But today is for sulking under a blanket.

Perspective

Life will always have its challenges. When they come along, regardless what they are, it's easy to let yourself get sucked in and for that challenge to become your life. This is most true with physical or health challenges. I'm fortunate to have friends who have much more serious challenges than I do. MS, breast cancer, spinal cord injury paralysis... Personally I find it difficult to balance noticing that I don't have as big a serious challenge as other people, while still respecting that I do still have struggles.

Today is a reminder to myself. A re-set on my perspective and a list of things that help me remember all the many many many pluses and blessings in my life.

#1) I worked my butt off over the last 10 years and now have 3 college degrees. I was the first person in my family to ever graduate from college (and I did it three times.) That's a massive accomplishment.

 This picture of my son when he was little always inspires me. 

He was scared of heights, but determined to jump off the high dive at our local community pool. He did it! His bravery continues to this day. Never let fear stop you.

#2) I've been to some amazing, inspiring places. Both here and around the world. Traveling the world has helped me remember what's most important in life. Kindness, openness, friends (and food!)

My husband and I traveling 2 years ago.

#3) The belief that I can do anything I want, I just have to want it bad enough. From graduation to getting a new job to being in a career field that I love. All of these have been incredibly challenging. But I did it! 

#4) Humor is everything. It is everywhere and easy to find. Enjoy it. Let it heal you.

My "study Jaws" got me through some stressful times in school

#5) I'm lucky. I have plenty to eat, a safe place to live and people who love me. I love the town I live in and am spoiled by my partner. He works very hard to give me a wonderful life. I'm very grateful for that. We're a good team.

Spoiled me with a graduation gift from my husband.

#6) I have a lot of people in my life who love me. Husband, son, dogs, family, friends... even my in-laws care! Remembering my huge team of cheerleaders (even when they aren't there all the time) is very helpful in keeping my perspective. 

Family

#7) Remembering what I CAN do! I can still walk, run (a bit), play, laugh, sing, yell, scream, eat, bathe, swim... and much much more. Instead of letting what I can't do (or what's hard) swallow my motivation I try and focus on what I can do, and do even more of it. 

Come on feet! Let's go!

#8) That I live my values. This is a fun activity called a "Value Card Sort." You go through 100 cards picking what words most reflect your values. Even when I'm feeling awful my values help keep me balanced. (Just click on the picture or link above if you want to print it out and do it yourself.)

I could honestly keep going, but I think you get the idea. Besides. I'm going to be late for my Zumba class at the gym. This time I'll keep it slower and I have my knee brace on for protection. I don't want another 4 day recovery process! But I'm determined to keep moving and trying.

Muscle Weakness on Plaquenil

The muscle weakness I've been having since the beginning of May seems to be getting much worse. It's in my arms and legs. It has gotten to the point where my muscles are sore and tired from the most basic things like getting dressed and washing my hair.

I messaged my rheumatologist today saying that I want to stop the Plaquenil (400mg) so I can maybe see if that's the cause, or if it's something neurological instead. I have a month till my neurologist appointment. In my mind I'll stop the Plaquenil and quickly tell that it was the cause. But if I stop and it's still there when I see the neurologist, I can then talk about possible other causes. That's a scary thought.

I never thought of myself as a "scared" or "fearful" person till all of this. It's not death that scares me. Death has never scared me. It's the feeling of "how bad is it going to get?" Fear of the unknown. Every day, every week, every month seems to bring so many changes that I'm constantly playing catch up. If even I don't know what's going on, how can anyone else? How can my doctors help or my partner continue to give me endless support? I think that's where the heart of the fear is. Loneliness and isolation.

Some thoughts from my journal last week.

But before I get too gloomy, I have to share that with the help of my husband I was able to get out and do some gardening this weekend. HORRAY!

What got planted!

I was a little late this year, but I'm hoping these little seeds will do their magic and we'll have some delicious veg from the garden by late summer. I was so excited to get out and get it done. 

I'm hoping to hear back from my rheumatologist soon. For now it's more of the "hurry up and wait" that has become my "new normal."

Can't Sleep

It's 4:44AM, but I've been awake since 3. Neuropathy woke me up again like it does almost every night. But this time I couldn't get back to sleep. My arms from my shoulders to my fingers were "asleep" which is a lovely word for "being eaten alive by fire ants." This happens to me regularly, especially at night. I wish they were "asleep" so then maybe I could get some sleep too?

I wish I could just sleep all day like my dogs.

Despite what my rheumatologist told me, neuropathy does go along with RA (and Lupus, which is another serious autoimmune disease.) It also goes along with TB, so I have a double whammy. I'm seeing another neurologist at the end of June (in a month). I saw one last year and it wasn't helpful at all. He tried me on Gabapentin, I had a major reaction and that was the end of it.

I requested someone new, so I'm hoping this year's appointment goes better. 

Well, at least I got my REM sleep requirement in!
Not so much on the deep sleep though.

Feels like a nap in my future.

I read this about neuropathy:

"Peripheral neuropathy produces symptoms such as weakness, muscle cramps, twitching, pain, numbness, burning, and tingling (often in the feet and hands). Symptoms are related to the type of affected nerve and may be seen over a period of days, weeks, or years. Neuropathic pain is difficult to control and can seriously affect emotional well-being and overall quality of life. Neuropathic pain is often worse at night, seriously disrupting sleep and adding to the emotional burden of sensory nerve damage."

I always find that a tad bit validating and comforting when a medical professional (or medical website) acknowledges that an illness is so much more than physical. When you can't sleep it just makes things so much worse. And YES! Having any chronic illness (mental or physical or both) is a huge emotional burden.

I wish I was Dr. Who and could wave my sonic screwdriver curing everyone I meet. Any kind of burden; financial, emotional, physical... they all suck. 

Me pretending to be "The Doctor."

I'm still a better real doctor than most that I meet.

I just want to be well. To sleep. To have medication that helps and works. To have medical professionals who listen to me. To not feel like crap every day. There was a time where I wouldn't think that was asking for the moon and stars. Now I feel like that will take a miracle. Or a sonic screwdriver. 

Take Care

I really love those two words. As long back as I can remember I sign off all my correspondence with "Take Care." It's also a motto that I'm trying to remember and heed. 

"How?" I'm glad you asked!

I'm trying to ease back into exercise and moving. I've been very sedentary this month. For good reason, but still. It's something I want to address. I feel better about my body and my mental health when I get some exercise on a regular basis. I used to do a dance type class called "Zumba" at my gym once a week. I went yesterday (the first time in a month) and did my best. The end result was that I was literally crippled the rest of the day. I WAY over did it. Something easy for me to do in that class.

Might be a better fit?

I thought that what might be a better fit right now are these two exercise videos that I found at our local Library. I read quite a bit about how Qigong and Tai Chi are both an excellent choice for RA. The other one is a hula video, which might prove to be a bit aggressive, but I'm willing to at least try. I can also swim at my gym instead.

Mmmm! Gnocchi!

Food is another key factor. I shared before that I've found a lot of relief from going gluten free. But I'm also Italian and seriously have been missing my pasta. GF pasta does a "nice try" and is better than nothing, but it's also far from the same. Fortunately I found this expensive gnocchi at my local food co-op and gave it a go. It was delicious! Maybe a bit lacking in vegetables, but hey. The sauce counts?

I'm trying to reduce my portions while still eating what I want. Food is very comforting and I don't want to deny myself comfort right now. I ate about a quarter of what you see here and put the rest away. For a while I was also making fresh fruit and vegetable juice for myself. That's something I want to get back to.

Cutting out gluten personally helped some GI issues and calmed my neuropathy down a bit. It has served me well enough to keep with it. I also live in a place where substitutes are plentiful and easy to find. 

My sleep usually stinks.

I wear my Fitibit to bed most nights. I've noticed that it's very accurate in monitoring my sleep quality. I can tell when I wake up exhausted it's usually that I didn't get enough deep sleep. And if I'm ok in the morning but want to go back to bed by 3 it's usually I didn't get enough REM sleep. These are 2 nights of sleep. One right after the other. One was short in deep sleep and the other was short in REM sleep. I seem to cycle like that.

Some things I'm going to try are:

• Not being on my phone right before bed. Read a book instead.
• Drinking Sleepy Time Extra Tea before bed.
• Make my bed regularly (I sleep better when it's clean and made.)

 The last thing I'm doing to "take care" is trying to document my health more. I started taking pictures of my feet and making my husband take pictures of my hands. I plan on doing this once a month to monitor any changes.

May 2018 hands.

Even just in this picture you can see how my right hand is a bit different from my left. It's a bit swollen in general. Even on my right foot I feel like I'm having some "toe drift" already happening. It's not something I would have noticed without taking pictures and I'll bring it up to my rheumatologist when I see her again next month.

Here's some other ways that I'm "taking care" this week:

• I'm going to watch the Royal Wedding of Prince Harry & Meghan Markle
  (*a guilty pleasure to be sure!)
• I'm going to wear my new special hat to a belated Mother's Day lunch with my son.
• I'm coloring my hair this weekend.
• I'm enjoying watching Face Off with my husband at night (the special effects makeup reality TV show.)
• I'm seeing my Aunt on Friday and we're having Mexican food together.
• I'm using my Nordic Poles when I'm too sore or stiff to walk un-aided.
• I'm using my "disabled" parking plaque when I need it. 
• I'm not stressing every little thing I'm not getting done right now.
• I'm playing a lot of my life "by ear" and "by spoons."
• I'm spending a lot of time being cozy with my dogs.

Wanted: Magic in My Life

These last few months have been a real struggle for me. It has been incredibly challenging to keep my spirits up while my body goes through all these changes. I feel like each day brings some new, or increased side effect (or new symptom? Who can keep track?)

So it made this year's Mother's Day even more special. I was really looking forward to having a special day to relax and be pampered. Not that I don't get to do that much more often then a lot of people. But seriously... can you ever have too much love and attention slathered upon you?

Enter my magnificent husband (again.) He planned out a perfect Mother's Day for me. Everything was flexible and based on my spoon challenges for the day.

We ventured to an annual festival in our home town that happens every year during Mother's Day weekend. I don't think I would have dared to go if not for my newly acquired handicapped parking plaque. Shout out to my amazing doctor! And DMV for getting me in and out fast even though the wait time was supposed to be 3 hours.

My spoons were good so we saw almost the whole thing. But the "feather in the cap" of the day (pun intended) was our encounter with Willee Roberts, Medicine Hat Maker.

Now I'm sure you're asking "What the heck is a medicine hat?" Well, his website explains it best. But for me I was enchanted by their painted tiny house, Willee and his warm group of helpers and the sign "Custom Medicine Hats." I approached a young man who was using a burning iron on a felt hat and asked him what it was about. After a very brief explanation I was drawn inside the tiny caravan with my eyes sparkling.

Willee helped me pick the perfect hat in the perfect size (that he makes himself by hand.) Then I got to choose from a seemingly endless supply of ribbons and findings to make it extra special. I talked my husband into getting on too (as an early Father's Day present.) The whole experience was so fun, unique, delightful and glee-inducing. It was indeed MAGIC!

 Some of the details of my hat that I picked out. 

An antique old broach, white feathers and an Alpaca hand-woven band from the Andes.

An hour later we each had our hats and Willee did a presentation ceremony. He considers them to be an extension of you and a "Blessing on your head." How lovely is that?

My magic hat.

To say the unique experience revived my spirit and lifted my soul was an understatement. It wasn't so much the hat specifically, but it was in spending time with lovely strangers and really getting to know them on a deep level quickly. That doesn't happen very often. Do you ever have an experience that was just exactly what you needed without knowing you needed it? Yeah... it was like that. And it was all because of my generous husband and his inability to tell me "no."

An artist burned this arrow inside the crown. 

It's like a secret tattoo just for me.

The arrow end symbolized "protection."
And an arrow can't be shot without first being pulled back. I can relate to that. 

I love how open to new experiences my man is. And how much I'm spoiled. Every time I wear that hat I'll remember how much I needed some magic in my life and the people who made me feel special. Thank you for the perfect Mother's Day honey!

Our magic Medicine hats at home.

When they aren't on our heads.

Their REAL home!

PS: I'm not affiliated with Hampui Hats, nor was I compensated in any way for this post. I paid for my hat just like any other customer and just found it a unique experience worth sharing. Well, actually my husband paid for it. Just so we're clear!