Can't Sleep

It's 4:44AM, but I've been awake since 3. Neuropathy woke me up again like it does almost every night. But this time I couldn't get back to sleep. My arms from my shoulders to my fingers were "asleep" which is a lovely word for "being eaten alive by fire ants." This happens to me regularly, especially at night. I wish they were "asleep" so then maybe I could get some sleep too?

I wish I could just sleep all day like my dogs.

Despite what my rheumatologist told me, neuropathy does go along with RA (and Lupus, which is another serious autoimmune disease.) It also goes along with TB, so I have a double whammy. I'm seeing another neurologist at the end of June (in a month). I saw one last year and it wasn't helpful at all. He tried me on Gabapentin, I had a major reaction and that was the end of it.

I requested someone new, so I'm hoping this year's appointment goes better. 

Well, at least I got my REM sleep requirement in!
Not so much on the deep sleep though.

Feels like a nap in my future.

I read this about neuropathy:

"Peripheral neuropathy produces symptoms such as weakness, muscle cramps, twitching, pain, numbness, burning, and tingling (often in the feet and hands). Symptoms are related to the type of affected nerve and may be seen over a period of days, weeks, or years. Neuropathic pain is difficult to control and can seriously affect emotional well-being and overall quality of life. Neuropathic pain is often worse at night, seriously disrupting sleep and adding to the emotional burden of sensory nerve damage."

I always find that a tad bit validating and comforting when a medical professional (or medical website) acknowledges that an illness is so much more than physical. When you can't sleep it just makes things so much worse. And YES! Having any chronic illness (mental or physical or both) is a huge emotional burden.

I wish I was Dr. Who and could wave my sonic screwdriver curing everyone I meet. Any kind of burden; financial, emotional, physical... they all suck. 

Me pretending to be "The Doctor."

I'm still a better real doctor than most that I meet.

I just want to be well. To sleep. To have medication that helps and works. To have medical professionals who listen to me. To not feel like crap every day. There was a time where I wouldn't think that was asking for the moon and stars. Now I feel like that will take a miracle. Or a sonic screwdriver.