Adventure List

Now that I have more energy and my mobility back I have a list of things I would like to do. 

• Go Roller Skating
• Camping
• Ocean Swimming
• Snorkeling
• Running on the Beach
• Walk Barefoot Through a Meadow
• Collect Seashells
• Hike Through the Woods
• Go to a Botanical Garden
• Travel More
• Become Proficient at Yoga
• Dance with Friends (doesn't have to be in public)
• Ride a Bike or Trike
• Put My Hands in a Waterfall
• Create More Art

Unexpected Interests

I never ever would have guessed that I would become someone who loved Yoga. Or that I could ever DO yoga ever again. But yoga has been the absolute best thing for my body since I regained my strength and energy. THE BEST!

I mentioned in December that I was even transforming our "guest room" (that used to be my "daytime sick room") into my own Yoga Studio. Well, it's about finished. It still needs a few things here and there (like a balance bar) but overall it's great and very usable. I love it.

I printed out and framed a lot of body positive and Yoga messages. Also some poses and routines. Instead of just taping those to the wall I used the vintage looking black corner tabs. Like from old timey photo albums. I love those.

The space has been very rejuvenating for me. It's the perfect size for my yoga as well. It's a space where I can meditate, be creative, make art, relax, read with my dogs or get harassed by them as I try to get my "flow" on. 

Yoga has been so helpful to make me feel strong again. It builds strength, balance, flexibility and helps with my breathing too. It makes me feel more grounded. I also tend to dissociate from my body and yoga brings me back to it in an incredibly positive way.

I used to hate it and not be too fond of people who did it. I thought they were a bunch of wheat grass sipping, no bra wearing, tree hugging twigs. Now here I am hugging trees, sipping veggie juice and getting on my "Namaste." Life is so unpredictable.

What 51 looks like

with no hair

for now

nothing's permanent

I do miss an in-person class though. So this Saturday I'm going to check out our local yoga studio and see if I like it. I think all that education turned me into a "class" person. That's it for now. "The light in me sees and acknowledges the light in you. Namaste."

Still Healing

I've been doing Yoga at home and a little bit of meditation lately. As in the last two weeks or so. My special room came along wonderful and is almost complete. It's a great space to do those things in, with my dogs staring at me of course. But that's much better than leaving them for the gym. Although I digress...

My point is that while I was meditating this morning I was trying to open myself up with my mind. Explore my body and see where the tension and pain is and what's causing it. I noticed that I felt very raw inside. Like an M&M but instead of chocolate I am a big, open, void of pain. That really shocked me. I leaned in even more to that feeling and saw it stemmed from the last five years of my disability being so serious. 

My loves, Margo (left) and Max (in the orange shirt)

I tend to gloss over things and move on to the next, on to the next. I tell myself that I sat with feelings and experiences but I think that's often a lie. I'm great at helping others sit with their feelings, but garbage at doing it myself. No shocker there. "Do as I say, not as I do."

I realized when really listening to that void that I am still healing from that experience. Of course I am. It has only been five months! That's what I would tell a client. "Of course you are! Hardly any time has passed at all!"

I've gone from not being able to walk around our neighborhood block to doing it while walking one dog and carrying another (poor sick Max) in a sling. All in five months. That's nothing short of miraculous.

Margo with her favorite toy

But what of all the other things that I can't see. That I'm "glossing over." All the time spent asleep. Those lost hours. Time spent not engaging with the world in the way that I'm used to. Energy spent on mobility challenges. The pain all of that caused both mental and physical. The impact it had on my relationships. On my husband, mother and son. I'm still feeling that.

I like meditation because it's a time to pause and really open myself up. I'm a person who needs time and space for that. 

Yoga makes me stronger and more flexible. But it also puts me in touch with my body. With my pain. And lets me know my limits right then and there.

Together both help me explore this new body of mine with love and intention. It's something I desperately need.

Sleeping Beauty

My Two Loves

For as long as I can remember (and that's quite a long time now) I've had two major loves in my life. Passions really.

1- Helping people

and

2- Art

I remember if there was ever someone in need or who looked "different" I would befriend and help them right away. I choose my best friend in the first grade not based on if we wanted to play the same game, but because she was so physically unattractive she was getting teased. Helping others is something I was just born to do.

A recent bowl of mine waiting to be fired.

I am also a born artist. My father was (maybe still is?) a visual artist and a musician. My mother is also very creative and has an eye for design. My grandfather said he had someone in the family who was also an artist. I love any medium I can get my hands on, but oil paints are my real passion.

I like photography because I always have my camera on me (my phone). Oil paints are both very expensive and very toxic. You have to use a lot of caution working with and around them. It was fantastic when I had a whole studio to work in. Doing it from home is trickier. Ceramics has been a joy. I never have any expectations for myself. I just do what I want and relish the process.

Having these loves you would think I would want to do art therapy with people? Not really. I like being "in the zone" and alone when I do my art (ceramics is the exception). Each requires my full attention. Mixing them feels strange.

So now that I have some strength and energy back, who get's that attention? What do I focus on? I feel pulled to reignite my love affair with painting. But I also want to get back to helping people more. Is there room for both in my future? Or will something else suffer.

I already feel like each day is bursting. Where do I squeeze in the time for my loves? That's a challenge most people have. The answer is to just make it a priority and do it. Just do it. 

All Is Well and As It Should Be

Well... We found out today that Margo is NOT PREGNANT! There will be no puppies taking over my life. I was shocked and relieved. Although we would have taken care of her and them, bypassing that gooey experience doesn't leave me wanting. I'm thrilled to just have Margo.

She arrived last night around 8:15PM. She slept with us in our bed all night. She's a very inquisitive girl who speaks her mind. 

We also found out she's somewhere between 3 and 5. They can't tell exactly, but young. Much younger than Max who is around 8. 

So now I have a big chunk of my future back. Remember what I just said about not having a hold on the future. Well this just echos that now doesn't it.

Max and Margo are getting along very well, which pleases me. I think it's only a matter of time before they play and cuddle. Thank goodness Margo has a tail or it would be hard to tell them apart at a quick glance.

Margo (on the left) and Max guarding the house.

Max is showing some signs of jealousy, but that's to be expected. We're doing all that we can to make him still feel special. But thank goodness there's no need to buy him an "I'm the step-Dad" t-shirt.

My Heart Is Bursting

Being more healthy and able bodied has allowed me to do something I would have never dreamt of before. I have taken in a pregnant dog. We will help her whelp, raise her puppies till they can be adopted and will give them all love and attention. 

Now that I'm healthier and gone more (mostly to the gym or doing a Target pickup order), we had decided to get a second miniature pinscher. We adore our Max and wanted to get him a sister. We talked it over during the holidays and decided March would be a good time to start looking. It seems fate had something else in mind.

I swear, if you think you have control over the future you are just fooling yourself. That's why living in the now is so vital.

It all started with my husband and I watching a TV show called "Too Cute." It had been in our cue for ages, but I wanted something sweet and relaxing. So I picked their puppy episode. Over the next thirty minutes we watched little puppies and big puppies from birth to about six months. It was a sweet show.

The very next day I got on Facebook to message my son from my computer. I saw the non-profit organization I got Max (pictured here sleeping on my legs) from post this...

I didn't think a lot about the pregnant Mama other than she was cute and looked a lot like Max. I've never been a foster and it wouldn't have occurred to me that it was even an option for us to take her. I replied to the post that we would be looking to adopt a female and maybe one of her puppies would be a good fit when they arrive. My husband and I were open to getting a (note the singular there) puppy.

What a sweet face!

The following day I got a phone call from the woman who heads their Nor Cal division. She had been the one who selected us to adopt Max. She was calling to see if we would be open to fostering little Mama through her pregnancy. All of the other foster homes were full and the new applicants weren't great. The shelter she was at (three hours from us) was also full and they needed her out ASAP. I told her we would have to think about it and get back to her.

She had some people for us to talk to who had fostered pregnant moms before. That was incredibly helpful to hear some first hand experiences and to be able to ask questions.

This was a massive decision. It would mean an incredible sacrifice of money, time and sleep. The organization would pay her vet bills, but we would be footing the rest. I'm not a girl to "make do" or do things half ass. If we were in, then we would be all in. We chose IN.

In an hour and a half we meet our "Margo." We discussed it and we will be keeping Mama and one pup. I will help her through her labor and delivery and raise her pups till they can be neutered/spayed, vaccinated and adopted. I will help screen potential families and place them. We are calling on all of our family and friends for help as well. 

This is all thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Luckily we have an amazing vet to help us. She already has an appointment for tomorrow at 9am. A sure way to make her fall in love with me. Take her to the vet. ((gulp)) I'll be sure to bring loads of peanut butter.

A lovely volunteer picked Margo up this morning from the shelter and brought her to the woman's house who contacted me. She spent the day there having her picture taken endlessly (much to my gratitude) and is being delivered right to our eager arms.

I have everything ready for her. My fingers are crossed that we catch a break and she's potty trained. They don't know much about her as she was just found as a stray with no collar or microchipping. We're jumping into the pool blindfolded.

I'm hoping Max will be ok with this huge change. He came from a hoarding situation where there were 11 other dogs and 7 puppies. Wish us luck!

PS: I have since been told that "You are the most organized, efficient fosters I have ever worked with." I told her "That's me! I am organized and efficient. If I take on a task I'm all in."