When Stressed... ORGANIZE!

I have a beautiful coping mechanism when I'm stressed out. I clear through my crap and organize what I keep. My medications have been begging for a spring cleaning since 2018. Hah. And my bedside cabinet has been many things over the years. All of these got a good cleaning inside and out, then a thorough organizing. 

The biggest change however came with my daily medications. I've been bursting out of my pillbox for months and months now and I can never seem to find one big enough for all of my needs. Enter the small glass jar.

I scoured the internet for a gross of glass jars. Spice jars, tiny jam jars, but landed on these little "honey" jars. The shape makes them very easy to hold and the lid is simple for me to screw on and off. Unlike my pill box's which were very difficult for me to open and close. I was constantly popping pills out all over myself and the floor. Not good when you have animals in the house.

This is what I was using. A typical three time a day plastic pill box. I've been using this style for about six years now. I literally wear them out like shoes. Crazy.

Now each time of day and day of the week has it's own jar. I have tons of space in case in the future new meds or supplements are added on. Horary!

I used a white paint pen I had laying around for the top. I hope it stays. Ideally I'll put some kind of a top coat on it. Either using nail polish (expensive) or a Krylon spray. I'm hesitant however since neither are food safe. So for now I'll just be careful and see how they hold up.

I feel a weird sense of relief having all of my needs organized like this now. My fan is in position for summer breezes, I have Gatorade and bottles of water by my bed for bad days, I know where my "Pain" basket is and what's in it. Everything is all put away neat and tidy. This is what my "self care" looked like today.

Looking Behind and Ahead

There's a saying in the field of Psychology that "Looking behind too much will cause depression. Looking ahead too much will cause anxiety." I think that's true, but looking behind is also how we learn.

I've had more than a few "AH HAH" moments from looking behind. In fact, I recently had an important memory.

In 2011 (about 14 years ago) I was trying to get into jogging. I wanted to jog a 5K. It was my goal. I signed up with a few friends to do it together. But I quickly discovered I had a problem. No matter how much I stretched and trained my right hip remained tight. It would cramp up on me even on the shortest, simplest of runs. I got new shoes, supportive leggings, tried many different ways to solve the issue, but nothing helped. 

Me in 2011

Yes... I'm stomping grapes with my bare feet.

The day of the 5K came and I ended up walking it. Even that was hard and painful. My friends finished quickly and then one circled back to walk with me and cheer me on. I cried a lot that day out of frustration. It's the first time I can remember my body just not being able to do something that I felt it should.

I had completely forgotten about that time until now. It seemed so easy for other people and I found it impossible. I now believe that was the start of my mitochondrial disease. That it stretched back that far. Now I live with that feeling of frustration pretty much every single day.

2025

Me sitting on my butt NOT grape stomping on a platform.

My right side has always been my "problem" side. My right hand is weaker. My right ankle cramps and I have drop foot on my right foot. It makes complete sense that the cramping I was having in my right hip was the very beginning of my muscle problems.

I have an appointment next week with my pain doctor. I cancelled the last one out of fear. This time I'm keeping an open mind and what to hear what she feels my options are.

I'm still working on this lesson.

Checking In With Myself

2025 Has been as difficult for me as 2020 emotionally. This time in 2020 the COVID pandemic was really serious. Things were shutting down and people were told to stay at home unless you really had to go out. Now in 2025 everything is a big scary mess politically.

Undocumented people are hiding out while ICE is on the hunt to deport them. Or worse, hold them in Guantanamo prison. Women, people of color, disabled people, LGBT people are all targets by politicians. Thousands and thousands of important government workers have lost their jobs because of the whim of mad men with power. Much needed services are being cut right and left. 

I feel anxious and depressed. I haven't been sleeping well and I feel exhausted pretty constantly.

Personally these changes are affecting me very little. Like the lock down of 2020. But since I'm a caring person and I see the impact it has on people I love (and people I don't know,) it is affecting me in a major way.

I have to remind myself of all the good things there are constantly. Like...

• My family
• My puppies
• The support group I just started for women
• My beautiful house
• My many friends
• My lovely town
• Nature
• That I can walk a block without my chair still
• Art and cultural experiences still happening
• Good TV & movies
• My soft bed to rest on any time I need it (which is often)
• Pottery

It's already very much springtime here. That also helps me focus on good things. It's a "hopeful" time in the season wheel. 

Just Doing My Best

I'm done with Zepbound. The side effects were too much for me. Bloating, burping, constipation, painfully slow digestion... I felt like I had bariatric surgery. It took away my cravings, which was good and bad. It also dulled my love for food. The enjoyment of eating.

In one way that gave me insight to what "normal" people must feel like. On the other hand I felt sad to have no pleasure of eating. That "spark" was gone. 

When my Nana died I found books and books of weight loss tips, recipes, smoothies, advice, drugs... in her home. She was always a bit plump. Not big, but average. As long as I can remember she was on some kind of weird diet and trying to get all of us to do it too. I remember being given these giant green spirulina pills when I was young. They tasted like swamp goo. And for the record I was not a big kid. Maybe she did it for "health?" 

I was struck with how much of her life she wasted on all of these things that don't matter. Didn't matter. Her clothes size, her belly, her back fat, her "bingo" arms. She was beautiful to me. I was determined in that moment to not let all that "noise" screw with my happiness. The people in my life love me unconditionally, no matter what size I am.

She was perfect just the way she was.

Somehow I had already forgotten that lesson.

I do want to lower my weight for the sake of my joints and muscles. But I am beautiful, stunning and perfect. I don't need any weird food to do it. And it's ok to have ice cream for dinner every once in a while. 

It All Broke Loose

Uh Oh.

Day 2 went really good, but night the night time. At around 10PM I literally shit the bed. I had horrible diarrhea like I've never had before. Never in my life have I been unable to get to the toilet in time. I'm not sure if that speaks to my mito disease, or how bad it came on.

It lasted about 20hrs. I think it was because I was so scared of getting seriously constipated. I had put Metamucil in my protein drink, drank laxative tea twice a day and even took a stool softener. So now we know what happens when you make foolish choices like that. Nothing good. Nothing good happens my friend.

I was very lucky that my mom e-mailed me and reminded me about the large sanitary pads that she gave me years ago. I knew right where they where. They were a huge life saver! I don't know what I would have done without it. Maybe just camped out on the toilet for hours and hours. Ugh.

I seriously need to be more careful with what I put into my body especially. 

Pun intended. That was shitty.

Zepbound Day 1

As I mentioned in a previous blog I'm trying out the new weight loss injection Zepbound. I did my first dose last night before bed. I had some minor nausea, but then I was quickly asleep. 

I was warned by the doctor to be careful with how much fat and fiber I eat. Lots of fiber, very little fat.

Unfortunately my poor stressed out husband just got his labs back and they showed his blood sugars are back in the "diabetic" zone. So now is a very good time for both of us to change our ways. 

For breakfast I made myself a protein shake. In it was...

1 cup of each:
Orange juice
Oat milk
Frozen mixed berries

1 small banana

2 scoops chocolate protein powder

1 scoop of each:
Metamucil
Raw coco powder
Ground flax

Lastly 1/2 a scoop of Collagen (It makes the shake slimy so I can't use much of it.)

It tastes like a chocolate covered strawberry to me. Not bad at all. Just a bit gritty. 

That made 2 pints. I drank one and put the other in the fridge for tomorrow.

With this I'm having "Smooth Move" organic tea for constipation. Yes, herbal tea instead of coffee. I hope all this doesn't give me the opposite problem. Hahah.

Protein shake, tea and water.

I just got a new tattoo, so a lot of protein is important. Same with reducing my calories.

It's chicken salad for dinner. Wish me luck!

My new shark tattoo

How Lucky Am I?

It can be hard to remember how lucky I am right now, given the political world. But in many many ways my life has never been better. And since nothing lasts forever I really want to remember that.

I have my huge family around me. 

I didn't always have a very good relationship with my mother. In fact we didn't talk for 15 years (my choice.) We have since reconciled and she lives right around the corner from me. I love it. I get to see her many times a week. We always have such fun together. Laughing, talking, just being together. I love her and am so grateful for all of the time we get to spend together.

My half sisters and I have found each other five months ago, and we now have a relationship. I have always wanted to be one of three sisters and now I am. Something I thought was previously completely impossible. I love them and I love their children. I am the "Auntie Nette" to four stunning boys and one fiery girl (who will take no shit from anyone. Especially not boys.) 

The brood

Me and my little sister

Me and the middle sister

I have a best friend who is kind and lovely. She adores animals, is a fierce feminist and warrior woman. She is also chronically ill, so she can relate to me on a different level than healthy people. We've only been friends for a few years but we are incredibly close. I know I could count on her for anything. That is rare.

She got married this past Monday

My husband and I are very best friends. He cracks me up and makes me feel so special. So seen and heard. We have a very rare bond. I'm thankful we met so young so that we've been able to spend so much time together we're going on year 32 right now. My soul mate.

My son just called me his "confidant." That melted my heart. He also lives right around the corner. Something I'm incredibly grateful for. I appreciate our closeness and that he's as close to me as he can be to someone whose not his partner. I get to see him almost ever week. I love him very much.

He just turned 31 this week

My two dogs fill my world with sunshine and howls of laughter. Peels of laughter daily. They also fill my heart and my bed. Hahaha. I can't imagine my days or nights without them by my side. Often sandwiching me like the little pack that we are. 

My life is bursting with love everywhere I look. Every nook and cranny full to the rafters with people and animals who love me and who I love back. This is the first time in my life I can remember feeling this way. I want to savor every moment of it and keep them all safe and with me as long as I can.