That Sweet Spot

I think I found the sweet spot. I made this venn diagram the other day and it really inspired me. Something clicked in my brain and I've been doing a very good job taking care of my body and making smart choices for myself. Even my cravings have diminished substantially.

 

I really spent time thinking about how my previous big successes could help me make smarter choices for my body and health. Where could they overlap and how could it help me. This was what I found that I need to thrive.

Support: From my family and friends. Everyone to know what I'm trying to accomplish and to check in with me regularly about it. 

My mom and I at our gym post-swim. 
#winning & twinning!

Example: For me to serve as an example to others. I do very well when I have people who look up to me. It's not an ego thing at all. It inspires me to want to do better. I feel more accountable.

Tools: I need the proper tools to thrive. Gym membership. Pool access. Water weights. Swim suit. Trolley to keep all my gym stuff in. Healthy foods that I can plan around.

Smoothie making going on up in here

Goals: I do well with both long term and short term goals. Like my big goal is to weigh 200lbs. But my goal this month was to get under 280 (goal already hit!) My goal this week is to lost 2lbs. My goal every week is to swim 3 days.

Small Steps: This not only applies to exercise, but to eating as well. I tell myself "What's the best choice I can make right in this moment. For this one meal, snack, right now." Then I do it again and again and again. Small pebbles can make a mountain. One grain of sand can make a beach.  

Plan: I can't accomplish anything if I don't have a plan. Meal plans, workout plans, weekend and weekday plans. I do best when I have a concrete plan and then I can modify as I need around it. With no plan I sink quickly and revert to ingrained habits that have been formed over a very long period of time. I'm looking at you Taco Bell.

Rewards: A little something just for me now and then keeps me motivated. Non food rewards of course. Even a small thing like a face mask or lipstick makes me feel good about my hard won battles and new neuro pathways that I've created. It keeps me going. 

This stunning constellation monstera was a little treat for myself. 

Doing it for myself:  I can't accomplish anything if I'm doing it for other people. It took me a while to get to that point when I was quitting smoking. Which is why it wasn't working at first. But when I decided to stop trying to do it for other people and to just do it for myself it clicked. Same with school. At first I was doing it just to get a job. But when I switched and did it for a career that I really wanted it clicked and I flourished. With health I can't lose weight for a trip or a big event. It has to be "just for me."

Patience: I'm AWFUL at being patient. It's one of my big weaknesses. But all of my successes have come with patience. I can't force myself to be successful and accomplish something no more than you can force a flower to bloom or a tree to grow. I can give myself the proper environment and tools for achieving my goals, but I have to just wait to get there. 

Failure is ok: It's through our mistakes that we learn. I firmly believe that. I have made every mistake you can make while trying to do what's best for my body. Setback after setback. And that's ok. I'm allowed to start over and over and over. A lot of life is like that. It's never too late to keep trying (unless you're dead.) And thank goodness I'm not quite there yet. 

 

Way back when there were dinosaurs

About 20 years ago I decided to take up running. I was a healthy 35 year old. All of my in-laws ran at the time. And somehow I got sucked into the magazine Runners World. They had really excellent articles. So I thought to myself if all these people can run there's no reason I can't too.

I went to our local running store (yes, we have one of those) and was "fitted" for personal running shoes. They were so comfy. I wore them for years. Once properly outfitted I gave it a try.

At first I fast walked not very far. Then I did a little jog. Then came my Fitbit and headphones. Because I was getting serious. I was a successful jogger! Next I worked on my form and finally became a runner. I had other women friends who ran too. We decided to sign up for a 5K.

Here comes the interesting part.
The whole time I was running, even before the 5K, I noticed that my right hip would hurt for no reason. I tried everything to get it not to hurt. Stretching, slowing down, favoring my left side... but nothing helped. I even stopped running and just burst into tears one day. What was I doing wrong?

The day of the 5K came. I even made us all matching hats. You can guess what happened. My friends (at my urging) left me in the dust. My hip started to feel like it was on fire. Every second of that run was torture. And I had no idea why.

I had practiced. I had stretched before the race. I wore my "special shoes." I read the magazine. I did everything right. 

One of my friends who had finished the race actually circled back around to encourage me to finish. I did, but I walked across that finish line. I got passed up by a heavily pregnant woman and a person dressed in an inflatable pickle costume. I got passed by a pickle.

I was humiliated that my friend (wearing jeans and converse shoes) came back to get me. I hated my body that I felt had completely betrayed me. Looking back I wonder...

Could it have been my earliest sign of mitochondrial disease? Does it go back that far? Even further? My mom says I was a very sleepy child. I remember falling asleep in class all of the time. In high school I would go to the nurses office during PE just to get a nap. Eventually she said I couldn't do it anymore.

Maybe I had mitochondrial disease my whole life and it just super worsened with TB and my brain tumor? Who knows.

I do know that when I walked the dogs today I had that exact pain. Now I recognize it as a feeling like my hip muscle just can't hold my hip bones into place. It feels very weak and painful. That exact same pain as 20 years ago when I tried to be a runner.

After that 5K I stopped. Something I don't regret. My body obviously isn't made for running. It's made for eating peanut butter and chocolate ice cream