My dogs, my life

My mom likes to say that my dogs are like my children. She's not wrong. Although they take up less time than children, I'm sure they take up way more time that your average big dog. Here's what my day with them looks like.

I wake up to both of them in bed with me (bliss.) Max has been nudging me with his tiny head and nibbling at me letting me know it's breakfast time. Though sometimes my husband feeds them breakfast and they just pile back in to bed with me, for which I am very grateful. We always have rubs and cuddle time where I pet them, rub them, kiss them and just in general tell them how amazing they are. I wish I could start my day with someone doing that to me.

8AM Get up and feed the dogs.
Open the curtains, turn on Max's heated blanket. Turn on the lights.
Drink water and take my own medication (dogs come first.)

Make important phone calls. For me or my son. Typically doctor's appointments for referrals to a specialist (or two, or three.) These calls can take up to an hour each.

While I'm on hold I get dressed. Typically with both dogs thinking this means we're going out somewhere. Sometimes it does. Most of the time it doesn't.

 
I make some coffee, put on the Monterey Bay Aquarium live feed and try to journal. Usually at this time they are getting sick of being ignored and they both want my toast. 

9AM If it's not a gym day then I give them more loves, pets and rubs. I'll often sit on the couch with them both while I try to get more work done. This can be blogging, trying to save us money, chasing down money we are owed, texting my handyman... just life stuff.

The couch is THEIRS

10AM If it is a gym day then I'm off to the gym. Then they are typically ((GASP!)) left ALONE! If not I like to be productive in the house. Start laundry, do leftover dishes, clean up, etc...

11AM Is walk time. I try to walk them for about an hour. If I'm at the gym I typically do this when I get home. Or I make my husband do it if he's home.

My mom is even worse. She gives them massive, heaping spoons of peanut butter. 

12PM Snack and "Peanut butter pill" time. Max has to take Prilosec every day for his delicate tummy. If you see a pile of vomit in the house, 98% of the time it came from Max. 100% of the time if you find pee it was Max (but only when it's raining out and he doesn't want to get wet.) We even have a song that goes with peanut butter pill time. Margo just gets a little spoon of peanut butter. Then (because that's not enough of a treat) they get some crispy salmon skin. 

Yes, I bought them that massive dog bed to share. They adore it.

1PM They will usually rest after a belly full of snacks. Margo sometimes gets playful. Max rarely will play with her, so guess who does? Yup. Me. Her favorite game is keep away with her black and white stripped fuzzy toy that rattles. Not to be confused with her brown and white fuzzy toy that rattles. But that's her second choice. I have about 10 of these hidden so I can replace them when she wears them out. 

Margo and mommy resting

2PM Rest for all three of us. I'm usually down from 2-5 or so during each day. That's a lot of time, but I have my little pack to keep me company.

5PM DINNER TIME! You bet Max doesn't let me forget it. In fact he usually starts bugging me around 3:30. Very restful.

My boy Max. "Little Man, Maxie P, Little Chonkers, Chubby Guy, Dumptruck..."

6PM Dad comes home or is done with work. Now they get love from Dad.

7PM We make dinner and eat. Of course this requires close supervision by Margo. Sometimes Max too, but he likes to wait till the food is cooked before he makes his move.

7:30PM Another favorite time of theirs. They beg while we eat dinner. Then we all cuddle on the couch together. If we could do nothing but this for forever, they would be quite contented. We typically watch TV while they get more rubs, loves and eventually burrow themselves in one of our massive piles of throws covering our couch. Or should I say their couch.

Beautiful Margo. So cute when she's asleep. A bossy terror when awake. (Baby Girl, Little Stinker, Margo P., Sweet Baby Girl, Precious, Bossy Pants.)

 9PM Time for bed. Typically Max will come with us. Lately they've both been wanting to just sleep on the couch for most of the night. Margo even does so for the entire night once in a while. I think because it's spring? In the winter they both sleep all night with us 100% of the time.

Although if we want to be intimate you can guarantee that it's the night they both decide to come to bed with us. 

 I do want to improve managing my time and having it include art. I seem to constantly put that one by the wayside and instead fill my time with tasks or dogs. As much as I adore my babies (I mean dogs), I have to constantly remind myself that they are dogs. They'll be ok if I do art for an hour. Their world won't end and they won't feel abused. Same if I leave them home alone to go take care of myself at the gym.

The better I take care of myself, the more I can take care of them.  

PS: The whole time I wrote this they've both been yapping at me like I forgot something. I didn't. They just want my undivided attention. I have to work on that.  

 

Things in the way (AKA: LIFE!)

Life will always throw distractions in the way. Unfortunately I'm part bird, so I'm easily distracted by the shiny and new. I'd much rather play on my Instagram gardening page apparently then focus on the really important.

My hobby - rescuing plants from our local dumpster. 
It's so rewarding!

In fact I've been feeling SO incredibly distracted lately that I had to sit myself down and make a list. Here it is. It's called "What Matters to Me."

• ·     Money back from old gym
• ·     Re-Join new gym
• ·     Lose weight
• ·     Do Yoga again
• ·     Sell the eBay stuff to make trip money
• ·     Re-activate my MFT license (take needed CEU’s)
• ·     Help Papa get into VA home
• ·     Stay on budget

That last one is rough. I'm not known for keeping a close eye on my budget. Especially with the cost of everything rising 20% recently. But I want my husband to be able to retire as soon as possible, so this needs to become important to me. 

I will always make time for art.
My latest ceramic piece. A little garden Goddess.

Getting rid of things I'm not using and letting them go to people who will love and use them is why I'm selling some belongings on eBay. It makes me feel good that something I'm just holding onto will instead be important to someone else. I'm happy there's a way I can do that and also make a little money. That matters to me.

I miss my old gym terribly. Luckily so does my mother. It's going to be hard for me to get my money out of them. Sadly I can't afford both the new membership and for the old gym to keep my money (see "stay on budget.") Good thing I'm not terrible at getting what I want. I hope I don't have to escalate things with them though. That takes time and energy I'd rather spend at the gym.

Margo and Max will also always get my time and attention.

In fact, they get the most of it.

My two toddlers.

In the meantime there's nothing stopping me from doing Yoga (other than myself.) I managed to do "Chair Yoga" once this week. I'm going to do it again today. I did it along with a video I found on YouTube for people with Cancer. It was excellent. Just what I needed to get me back into Yoga without injury or too much pain.

Next Sunday my mother and I are going back to Oregon to get my grandfather and move him back to California. He's no longer able to live independently and his rent is going up again to a place where he can't afford it anymore. He does not want to go, so we have a battle on our hands. It won't be a "jolly time had by all at the beach." But family matters to me a lot, so there we have it. It will also take as many people as possible to help my Papa through this very hard time in his life. Transitioning to a home.

So there we have it. What matters to me and where I need to be focusing my time. Not that I still won't spend some time on the "shiny" and "new." But these can still be my anchors of attention.

Me & My ADHD

I don't think I've ever discussed having ADHD here, which is odd. I guess my body took importance over my brain.

I was diagnosed about 20 years ago. My husband and I were participating in a research study about relationships. One of the tests was staring into each others eyes and not speaking while our vitals were monitored for a full minute. I couldn't do it. All of my vitals were high and my mind was racing a mile a minute. That was the "aha" moment for me that something was off. (My husband had zero problems doing the test. He doesn't have ADD.)

I went to the doctor and she asked me a few questions then said "Yup. Would you like to try some medication."

When I first tried ADD medication my mind was blown. It's like when you get glasses and go "Oh! So this is what other people see?" I felt like "Oh! No wonder people can go to school and have jobs and function. Is this what a typical brain is like?" I doubt it was, but for me it was a vast improvement.

Here are my ADHD symptoms that I have always struggled with:

• Racing thoughts that jump around and make it very hard to...
• Focus. I'm either hyper focused or struggling to focus.
• Exhaustion (my whole life.)
• Sensory issues, especially auditory.
• Being hyper organized or feeling panicked if I'm not.
• Losing track of time and dates.
• Can't remember people's names (that got much worse after brain surgery.)
• Lose interest in things easily (that has improved with age though)
• Rush through tasks.
• Making friends easily but struggling to maintain friendships.
• Cutting people off easily.
• Self harm (as a child)
• "Daydreaming" (it's just my noisy head)
• Losing items (improved with age)
• Impulsivity. Purple hair? Sure! Move all the furniture in the house? Why not! This has always been a huge struggle for me.

As a kid my teachers always said I "March to the beat of her own drummer" or comment that I "Daydream in class excessively." I think part of that was being super smart and bored. The other part I know was ADD. I've always been "fidgety" but not physically hyper.

When I was older I cut school a lot and "engaged in risky behaviors" for sure. I hated school and couldn't wait to move on. When I did move on I would go from one job to the next almost monthly. I tired easily of jobs and was bored by most of them. I craved frequent stimulation both mental and physical.

Now days my ADD mostly shows up as horribly racing thoughts and my inability to focus. I jump from one task to another usually without completing the one I started. It's not a good feeling and it makes it hard to finish things.

It's also very hard for me to read. Just to keep my eyes on the page or on the line is a big challenge for me. It's easier on my phone, but still not as easy as it should be. 

Starting and finishing a task is very hard. I have to force myself.

Relationships are still a challenge for me. Not my marriage, but with others. I get offended or hurt very easily. I have to actively work on my reactions and emotions. Luckily with time this has become a bit easier, but it's still an issue.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to talk to her about starting back up on some ADHD medication. I haven't taken anything in about 10 years. I found it very helpful for a long time, but I didn't want to be dependent on it forever. It was a good tool to show me new ways of doing things though. I feel like my ADHD has been worse of late and I don't know why. But I'm ready to ask for help and get a little relief.