Pushing Myself Hard

Spring is here where I live and I have been a busy bee. My Mom's swimming pool is back open and we were the first ones in it again. It felt fantastic to be back in water. There's no other workout like it. From the first day back in the pool I decided I was going to push my muscles.

Still working out with water weights.

I felt like all winter I physically atrophied. I did the basics, but not really anything that pushed me physically. The only way I can keep what muscle I have (or hopefully build on it) is with pushing myself. I'm already in physical pain every day. There's nothing like fresh pain to make you forget your old pain. And boy do I have pain!

But I also think it's a kindove good, almost normal pain. Like the buff girl limping as she leaves the gym. It is also teaching me about my body. I'm much stronger than I think I am. Strength isn't my problem. Stamina is.

Getting the summer garden ready took a lot of strength!

I've also learned that my lower back is the first muscle group to feel the pain and to give out. My back brace is a big help, but it doesn't solve the underlying problem. I'm going to do some targeted exercises in the pool to see if that can help. 

I have my recent MRI to thank for this push. It was incredibly painful to endure laying still on the table. My right leg and back were screaming at me to stop. But I pushed through the entire process. I was able to go much further than I thought I could. To tolerated more pain then I thought. This got me thinking about the limits I place on myself and my body with my mind and my fear of pain.

Now to be clear, I'm not going into Rhabdomyolysis or running miles around the block. I'm cleaning, gardening, moving small things around, re-potting plants (that are heavy for me.) Pushing myself in all these areas of what I usually do. I've been cooking dinner at night as well. These are all tiny things to most people, but each activity leaves me drenched in sweat. Seriously. I can't remember the last time I sweat this much and for so many days in a row. I do not enjoy that part, but I do like feeling stronger.

I masked out where our new TV is going.
This was a ton of work!

Surviving or Thriving

My husband and I have been checking in with each other asking if we are "surviving or thriving" on any given day. Recently I have learned that I answer "thriving" on days where I have been exceptionally social. This is shocking news to me.

I've always consider myself an introvert and that being with others drains me instead of charges my batteries (gives me spoons, fills my tank, gives me energy...) But what if I'm wrong? What if I actually thrive being with other people more often than I know?

Honestly I think like most things it depends on the people. If I'm with high energy people I thrive. If I'm with low energy people I might drain more quickly. Being empathetic I'm pretty sure this is the case. I mirror the energy of the people I'm with.

Recently I was able to spend time with some very high energy friends and I felt overwhelmed with joy. I savored every second of it.

I also got my nose re-pierced! So that's big news.

Medical Catchup

It has been a while since I updated what's been going on medically. So here's the skinny...

My leg is feeling much better. It feels like it was maybe inflammation that pinched a nerve or something and just took a long time to heal. My MRI came back fine and neither the sports doctor nor the rheumatologist could find a cause for my extreme sudden pain. BUT...

The rheumatologist wanted to rule out some autoimmune disease possibly going on. He ran some labs. The results were interesting. So far it didn't flag for anything specific. But it did show up positive for many different things. I have a message in to him to see if we're doing more testing, or if that's the end of it.

Is this English?

Gotta love lab results.

I've actually been feeling better energy wise and have been trying to push myself daily physically. I'm sore all the time, but I feel good about stretching my body in what I can do.

I went through two treatments of dry needling. It did help my neck and shoulders. Only during the last few days have I been having pain there again. It's almost like intense acupuncture. It lasts a lot longer than that for me and I get goldfish crackers after. I'm not sure it's worth the discomfort of the process though. 

I'm still getting my Botox for migraines every three months. However I changed my monthly injections from Amivog to Ajovy. Ajovy is supposed to be just as effective without the constipation side effects. I've only had one dose so far. But I'd have to say it works just as well as Amivog, maybe even a little bit better.

Thank goodness all the rain is done. That change in barometric pressure all the time was incredibly hard on my head. I can actually feel sharp pain where my head plates are when the weather shifts. It's not a fun experience.

The pool is back open and my mom and I had our first swim last Saturday. I love the water so much. I feel like I can do anything in it. It's so supportive. Getting out is a monster though. I feel triple my weight. I just try and go really fast. That helps.

After recently topping 293.7lbs I pumped the breaks on my eating. My all time heaviest is 297 and I got concerned being so close to it. I can feel the difference in my body a lot if I get over 280. An adult male gorilla weighs 300lbs. That's pretty big for a Vegan. And a little too close to my size for comfort. 

Yum Easter candy!

What's life without treats now and then?

Fortunately my garden is doing well and the summer produce is ready for planting. That will help me eat more vegetables. Here's my latest haul of broccolini, purple broccoli, sugar snap peas and chives.

I also have my beautiful back patio to spend time in. It has been fantastic to eat out there while the weather is springtime cool and breezy. This Friday we're doing a family dinner and breaking in the Hibachi for the first time. I'm very much looking forward to it.

Symptom wise I'm feeling the best I have felt in a very long time. My sinus infection cleared up. My leg pain is down from an 8 to a 2. My energy is the best it has been since I can remember. And it's springtime. I'm taking each day as it comes and living my best life.

Max does his part to help.

Beautiful Garden

I did it! I did it! I finally asked for help! 

Well, I've asked for help before, but never for a big project. I'm a massive "do it myself" person. I always have been. Group projects in school? I detested them. Hated them at 10 and hated them at 42. I'm not a "let's work together" girl. AT ALL.

So this is a huge, momentous occasion worth celebration. I saw something that needed to be done. I assessed my ability to do the task on my own. Saw it wasn't possible. AND I asked my family for help. They were so sweet and jumped right in. The results are fantastic. We all brought our skills to the "clean up the back patio" project.

Farmer ME!

(I love my back brace.)

My mother knows a lot about plants, their needs and pruning. So she tackled my neglected pots. She also put together the beautiful Lodge grill that she bought three years ago. Finally we'll get to have some family cook out's back there. That's her jam.

My son brought the muscle. He cleared out a lot of weeds, spread mulch, took out trash, filled our compost bin and just in general did everything I asked him to do without complaint. He's great at doing what you ask him to do, as long as you're specific.

We crushed my to-do list in two days and I'm thrilled with the results. I should have taken some "before" pictures, but here's the flow now...

Max enjoying his bed in the sunshine

Next to my new potting trunk

YAY! All my pots and soil are out of the weather.

Some of my beauties. 

Our new hibachi area. 

The pail is full to the brim with charcoal.

My mom suggested spray painting this table hot pink.

I'm down for it!

My beautiful freesias are in bloom.

Mom re-potted our big palm.

She's a gardening BEAST!

Newly fixed up plant corner.

My gardening table to the right.
The left is a long table and chairs for feasting and chatting.

Tomorrow my husband is going to help me with the lights and to hang some canopies on the pergola for shade. I can't wait to finish up and have it be our dining room. (Since we gave up the indoor one for his office.)

I'm very glad I asked for help and I will do it again in the future. Working with my family was much more fun than doing it alone.

Who Do You Want to Be?

I freshened up my hair color the other day and went a tad darker. Darkest brown. This used to be "my" hair color about 10 or so years ago. When I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror I exclaimed "There you are!" I was so surprised to see the "me" of so many photographs staring back like no time at all had gone by. But if I couldn't be "me," who would I want to be?

My favorite band Oingo Boingo has a song "Who do you want to be today." It goes "Who do you want to be today, who do you want to be? Do you wanna be just like someone on TV?" Actually yes! I do. The person I would love to be is Angel Strawbridge.

I'm addicted to the show Escape to the Chateau. It's about a handy, wealthy English couple who bought a delipidated French chateau. They live there with their two kids while they renovate and rejuvenate the entire place, eventually starting their own wedding and hospitality business in the same said chateau. 

Why Angel? First of all she's built a lot like me, but glows in vintage fabness. It doesn't matter if she's mucking around in the garden or sewing personalized napkins for a wedding, she reeks vintage flair. But it's not just how she looks. She's so incredibly crafty. And fearless in her crafting, like I am. She has an idea and she just runs with it. I'm convinced we'd be fast friends.

She and I have a lot in common. We love coffee, tea and booze (though I rarely indulge). Adore vintage things (though she a bit more than I). We can both do anything we put our minds to, creatively speaking. We love our families. We're good mothers. We love our children. We like to make other people happy. We are creative Goddesses! So if I couldn't be me, I'd like to be her. Crafting away in my attic in France.

I also envy her able-bodiedness. She has the same creativity as I do, but she also has the energy, time, money and muscle to see it through. -sigh- How lovely that would be.