menopause

I never noticed before that menopause is such an accurate name. Because you really do feel like you are on a MEN - O - PAUSE. It could be the political climate or just hormones but in general I feel that all men suck. There are of course exceptions. Almost all of the men in my life I do adore. But I feel most interactions with men (especially older white men) just suck and end in me wanting to kick them in the nuts.

 Girrrrrrl Power! Me and Margo.

But I digress...
I just had a lot of lab work done and amongst other things (that I'll write about when I know more) I discovered that I am post-menopausal. At the very very tail end of menopause. Meaning my ovaries still sometimes kick some estrogen my way (lucky me) but in general I'm an official crone.

Welcome to the crone club Antoinette.
I told my son that I guess it means I can hex people now?

It's interesting because since my birthday almost three months ago now, I've been very much feeling myself transitioning into another space. Going through a liminal phase if you will. These labs confirm what I was feeling. Myself permanently saying goodbye to the motherhood phase of life and hello to being a crone.

 Back in the pool and loving it.

I find it so interesting and powerful that my sisters and I are very much the archetype for the Goddess in her triple form. The maiden, mother and crone. Look out when we get together.

I strongly feel my crone-ness is something to celebrate. Back when I first started menstruating a million years ago my mother took me and a friend out to dinner. Now I think we need to repeat the festivities.

Many women feel the sting of lost youth profoundly. I will never miss it. Being older and wiser comes with many gifts. I've had an eventful life and I don't mind if my face and body show it. Yes, I'll still color my hair from time to time. But that's more for art than it is chasing youth. I don't care how old I look in any way. It saddens me that so many women do.

I feel my new phase of life opening up to me and I welcome it gladly, thrilled that I've lived this long to reach such a milestone. 

Living my best life after a much needed trip to the bookstore.

I intuitively started buying myself flowers every Tuesday when I take my son to Trader Joe's. I think in a way I knew that I was worth celebrating. And why wait for a man to do something for you when you can do it yourself? MEN-O-PAUSE.

The A Team

It's all coming together now. The "A Team" is assembled and ready to fight my Metabolic Myopathy. 

I'm so happy I could burst!

Yesterday I had my much anticipated appointment with a place called PMR (Department of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation). There I met a fantastic doctor who not only had heard of my condition, but has other patients with the same thing across a spectrum of disability. 

She heard me when I talked, had read my chart ahead of time and had fresh insight into my care. It was so wonderful I almost cried. She reviewed my tests and records with me and took a baseline of my lung functioning. Something no other doctor had done before. She ordered some new labs for me and gave me recommendations for things to try.

At this clinic I will be assessed and followed for future mobility tools that will work the best for my needs and body. I'll also be connected with the MDA (Muscular Dystrophy Association) for additional resources. During my appointment she shared that there are 600 discovered muscle diseases related to MD as of right now, but more are being discovered all the time. FINALLY! FINALLY someone agreeing with the research I had been doing for years on my own and offering me real help. 

So now I have a great neurologist, this new knowledgable neuromuscular doctor, my fabulous PCP (Primary Care Physician) and my patient advocate who helps coordinate my care. My husband and I call them all "The A Team" (because 1-It's funny and 2-My name starts with an A).

Knowing that I have medical professionals who understand my illness, are looking for ways to help me live my best life and who listen to me is such a relief. It took about two years to get to this point and a TON of work on my part so I'm savoring this feeling of being helped and supported like never before by my A Team.

New Phase

Starting Monday I'll be entering a new phase of my life. "WORKING WOMAN!" I've been in school for the last 10 years preparing for my chosen career. Monday is my first day at my new job and also the first time in about 24 years that I'll be working full time. Thankfully they're starting me off part time at just two 10 hour days a week. But 10 hours is a very loooooong time. I love what I do and I'm sure the time will fly by. But I'm also very worried about my body being able to play "keep up" with my mind. 

Along with starting a new job I'm also still adjusting to my new medications. I'm currently taking 50mg of Lyrica twice a day. I'm on day four of Cymbalta and take 25mg at night before bed. My doctor added the Cymbalta after I talked to him about feeling so stressed out all the time. Now I have a good reason for feeling emotional right now, but I also welcome a bit of a break. I need to focus on my new job and adjust to life a bit without bursting into tears daily. He thinks the Cymbalta will help. AND it also happens to be good for nerve pain and RA pain, so that's a win-win in my book.

So far my biggest side effects have been feeling dizzy, feeling a bit foggy headed and not being very hungry. That last one is a bonus for me as I'm trying to lose weight anyway. The first two suck, especially for driving. Luckily for me my husband has been driving us since my pain and muscle weakness got so bad. But that's yet another thing to add to his already full plate.

I met with my new Rheumatologist two days ago. He's ordered more tests, but said he had some ideas. I'll go back in two weeks. More waiting, more testing... but I do feel like things are progressing and I'm getting more help. Also that the medications I'm currently on are really working to fight back both joint pain AND neuropathy. I'm so thankful to FINALLY be on something that helps!

August will bring with it a new phase in my life. That of working hard (and actually getting PAID!), hopefully some health answers and also treatment that helps. No more struggling to just help myself or "waiting." Waiting for my career to start, waiting for medication that works, waiting for a specialist to see me. Instead it's a time for "doing" and that excites me!