Who Am I?

How would you describe yourself to someone who has never met you before? What defines you? Makes you... you?

I would say I am a woman who enjoys art and other creative people. I adore my two miniature pinschers and my Autistic son. I've been married for almost 30 years to my best friend. I am a licensed psychotherapist, but I haven't been working for the last five years because of my health. I struggle with serious chronic illnesses, mitochondrial disease and migraines. I am tall with very short salt and pepper hair. I am average size for American women. I wear red glasses (sometimes) and have blue eyes. I am very white. 

I love conversation over high tea, any music but acid jazz and generous people. I have a love and respect for Polynesian culture and that's reflected in my eclectic home. My husband and myself are potters, so yes. I would call myself an artist. I also enjoy photography in a very beginner way.

I love food and travel. I could live in the ocean, especially tropical waters. I'm a water person first then a forest/nature lover. I adore sharks, mermaids, rays, whales, otters and most things that live in the ocean.

I'm a Capricorn and have lived in the same home for 22 years. I have a wanderlust spirit that conflicts with my home-body. I'm also a maximalist with an un-voiced minimalist living inside. I'm a social justice warrior, a liberal, pro-choice and a feminist. Scratch that. A feminist first. 

Oh yes! And I'm 51 years old.

And you?

Dear Diary Dump Day

Dear Diary,

This year is almost a quarter over. How can that be? I haven't written in a while. Here's what I've been up to.

• Margo is officially done with all of her medical treatments. Yesterday I wrote the check and filled out all the adoption papers. Yay! Now I'm the "proud dog mom" of two dogs.
  
  
  
  
  
• Pablo was sold. There is now a huge empty spot in our driveway. The driveway we had built just to accommodate our wheelchair van. We're a single car family now.
  
  
• As much as I loved my massive gym, it was just too far away from my house. Going there, working out, showering, changing and coming home took most of a whole day. So I recently joined a different gym much closer. I don't like it quite as much, but it does have a pool, yoga and zumba. That's all I need.
  
  
  
  
  
• John and I decided that this October to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary we're going tooooooooo (drum roll please) MAUI! I love Hawaii so much and can't wait to go back.
  
  
• I'm still fat. Chubby. Chunky. My eating disorder is alive, well and thriving. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Trying to stay on course, manage my portion sizes and what I eat is proving to be my Darth Vader mega boss battle. But each meal I try again. It's also a struggle not to fixate on it or kick myself for eating something unhealthy.
  
  
• I'm sick of gardening. I wish I could sell our house and buy a condo where all I had was a tiny patio and space for the dogs to wee and poo in. I'm serious. I think subconsciously I equate it with my illness? I'm not sure exactly every reason why, just that I'm over it.
  
  
  
  
  
• I'm enjoying photography and ceramics. I would do both every day if I could.
  

Well, that's about all for now. Remember to be gentle and kind to yourself.

Adios Pablo!

Some big news here this week. We've sold Pablo (my wheelchair van.) At first I tried to sell it privately, but what worked out best for us was just to sell it back to the company we bought it from in the first place.

It's still in our possession, but won't be soon. WOW! That's a very big deal. 

We've had Pablo for four years. We bought it just before the pandemic hit in January 2020. He was incredibly expensive. It's insane how much mobility tools are when you have to pay for them yourself. There are many programs to help families of disabled children, but not many for adults.

I'm relieved and ready to say "adios" to my good friend. Having it there in my driveway is a constant reminder of all the things I couldn't do and my reliance on others. Even though I occasionally drive it now. It's also expensive to maintain. It's not being used for its intended purpose. I'd rather pass it on to someone who can REALLY use it.

We have another car. A Kia Soul that has been a fantastic friend. Then my mother has a large Jeep Grand Cherokee. For now we're not looking to buy a second car. I am however on the hunt for a new bicycle! 

Settling In

It's 2024 and I'd say I'm settling in nicely. I have two beautiful, funny dogs now who make my life so fun. I have my mobility back. I have my son out of my mom's house and working hard to be an independent adult. I have pottery studio 2-3 times a month. I'm loving Apple Fitness with it's Yoga, stretching and Meditation. I'm also trying to sell our wheelchair van.

My near future plans include taking some online courses to get my license back and become a supervisor in my profession.

Going for a hike

Doing more art

Checking out a close gym's yoga class

I'm still more fatigued than I was before all this happened to me. Which is to be expected. But when I'm awake my energy is hugely improved. I can do multiple things in a day which I never could do before. And drive. I can't under-state how great it is to be able to drive myself again. -WHEW!-

I feel like things are going very well for me. I'm spending time with friends and family. Living my life and thriving, not just surviving.

Margo

Max