Scary morning choke

I was writing a long post about ways to take care of my body when I realized what I really wanted to talk about what how I scared the shit out of myself this morning.

Let me back up...

I pride myself in being able to swallow a lot of pills at once. It's stupid. I'm not into self deprecation typically, but come on. That's a stupid thing to be proud of. So I don't do it at night when my muscles are a bit weaker, but first thing in the morning is usually fine. Except for this morning. I popped all eleven pills of varying sizes into my mouth along with a lot of water. ELEVEN pills!

Well, the next thing I know one of the smaller buggers is lodged firmly in my windpipe. I feel the horrible familiar feeling and a wash of fear and panic comes over me. Lucky for me everything else went down the right way. I immediately lean over my bed and give a strong cough. It didn't come right out, instead disintegrating enough to go up my nose and out a little bit, but I could still feel some in my wind pipe. 

I think it was an Aleve pain pill because it burned like a mo-fo all through my nose and down. As soon as I'd cleared what I could out I knew I had to stop the burning. I poured myself a big glass of unsweetened soymilk and added about a tablespoon of honey to it. It felt lovely going down my burning mouth and in the back of my throat.

Next I sat naked in my hot shower on my lovely shower stool and coughed up as much as I could. I also vacillated between self flagellation about taking so many pills at once and being kind and loving to myself about how scary an experience it was.

With fear comes change...

I've resolved to take my pills 1-2 at a time like a normal human earthling should. I also want to take them in the same room as another person when I can. It was scary to know I could have choked to death in the bedroom without anyone in my house even knowing. It was a bit of a wakeup call to take my condition more seriously. With each cough in the shower I could feel my lungs getting more and more fatigued. 

I also had a lot of gratitude that I didn't die. Life is so fragile and it only takes one mistake to end it all. I've had many moments like that to be grateful for. It can be easy to see the hardships and miss sight of the blessings. I feel blessed today that I didn't die.