Embracing Change (or not)

Over the last eight years or so I was bit by the gardening bug. It started off with just a few tomato plants crammed into a little spot I cut out in our front yard lawn and grew to a huge garden where our front yard lawn used to be. Gardening brings me a lot of pleasure. It connects me to nature and makes me a better person. How? By reminding me that everything has its own time and patience is vital to survival.

During the last 3 years gardening has become harder and harder for me. I'd love to be the lady you see in the arthritis commercials who pops a few Aspirin and runs out to pull weeds for hours. But my body just won't cooperate. My stamina is crud, my hand strength is minimal and now with the Plaquenil I can't be in the sun. Dang!

My garden in 2014

This is how my garden used to look. Ordered, planned, structured with just a HINT of wild. And this is how it looks 4 years later...

My garden today - April 26th, 2018

This is mostly lettuce that we've been enjoying.

It bolted very fast!

I've cried a lot about my garden. I know that sounds lame, but it's very frustrating for me not to be able to do all the things in it that I have in my head (or that I used to do. ) When I was being treated for Latent TB I'd try and garden like I used to and I'd end up vomiting every time. I'd push myself way too hard. Even though that doesn't happen anymore, tears aren't much better.

Apparently I still have a lot to learn about "patience" from my garden. Now she's turning into a wild space. I was looking out the window this morning thinking how beautiful it is. It's not "structured" like it used to be and I'm still frustrated that I can't do all the things I want to do with it, but it's beautiful and full of life.

That's a bit how I feel about myself right now. I can't do all the things I want to do, or how I used to do them. I'm learning a new kind of living and a new kind of beauty in life. It's not easy. Not at all. And I'm sure I'll still have moments of crying. But I see that it's also important for me to sit back, drink my coffee and notice the good changes too. Just like my wild garden.