"I Don't Do ENOUGH!"

I tell myself lies.

I've always been a very busy person. Handy with my house, working, making money, enjoying others and volunteering in my community. Not to mention supporting family and friends. All of that changed dramatically when I became ill. It's something I still struggle with. That feeling of "I don't do enough." Or "I can still do that." Both lies I tell myself.

Thank goodness both my mother and my husband disagree with that statement. In fact they remind me to pull back when I need to. Which is often.

Right now we're having our bathroom remodeled and it has killed me not to do any of it myself. I did it in the past and I remember myself being very physical. But that isn't my truth right now. Now I need to conserve my energy. Now if I did something like paint a door I would be in incredible pain for days. In fact the very last time I painted in 2017 I was in incredibly pain. Looking back I think that was the very start of my issues.

My mom helps with my dogs ALL the time.

I remember being a bit dizzy on the ladder and my hands cramping so bad. Neither had happened before. At the time, both my husband and myself chalked it up to "getting older." I don't think that was the issue.

Now I don't work in an office and I don't volunteer in my community. Most days I feel like all I can do is prepare food, keep myself clean and do some small chores around the house. Some days I feel ok, other days I feel awful. I never, ever feel "good." Just levels of bad. 

So the lie that I tell myself that I "Don't do enough" couldn't be more wrong. I push myself every single day. I could very easily just not get out of bed. But I have relationships, help friends, get out in my community, walk my dogs (when I can) and try to take care of myself and those I love. 

I'm doing plenty.

Getting my eyes checked the other day.

Medical appointments keep me pretty busy.