Marking the Occasion

My mom asked me today how I feel when I look at old pictures of me using my wheelchair. Well... "old" being anything older than three months ago. It is an excellent question. I feel many things. Shock at how ill I was. Pride that I still fought to have a slice of rich life. Empathy for myself and what I went through. Sadness that I struggled so much. Fear about a relapse. Joy at being able bodied again. Many mixed emotions.

I said I felt that I barely registered COVID when it happened. I had already been traumatized about air born diseases after contracting tuberculosis. That was scary. But during COVID I was just struggling to bathe and get dressed. Worry about COVID was energy I didn't really have. I let others worry for me.

But now I am able bodied. And getting stronger every day.

I'm a huge "commemorator." I felt this need to commemorate this time in my life. 

I've always loved mermaids and felt that I secretly am one. I adore all water and was an absolute fish as a kid. I lived in the pool every single summer. So when I became disabled I would joke that it's just my body finally transforming into a real mermaid. So what better way to honor surviving the last few years?

I bought myself this sterling and aquamarine mermaid ring a few weeks ago off Etsy. I can't wait for it to come. I love that she's not naked with her titties hanging there. You'd be surprised how much mermaid stuff is tacky like that. I like that there's two. One for the past and one for the future. The mermaid I was and the mermaid I am yet to be. Stronger than ever.